tinydancer324 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I met someone online, and for 10 days (he was traveling) we sent incredibly thoughtful, great emails to each other daily. (We agreed we'd go out after a couple of days.) We had our first date 4 days ago and it was everything I could have hoped for--the conversation was amazing, the attraction was crazy, we kissed at the end, he held my hand as he drove me home. He brought up my divorce and his but we also had plenty of fun banter. He kept telling me how cool and smart I was. We agreed we'd go out again late this week. The next day he sent me silly texts--so all seemed good. So the day after, I sent him an email of some links to stuff I'd told him about on our date. And then...nothing for 2 days. Some friends (including a straight guy) said 'just text him, maybe he prefers that, the email was a reference list, how would he reply.' And: 'he already knows he wants to see you so he doesn't need to put in all that email effort now.' So I texted him back...and 3 painful hours later he texted back with another joke but referred to his kid being in the room. I made a joke back and nothing...so then an hour later I asked if he and the kid were up to anything fun. (I realized I should have done that sooner, because I am interested in the kid.) His reply: 'Just put him to bed.' We had made verbal plans in person to meet 3 days from now, but we don't have an actual time/place set in stone and this is all making me so anxious. I'm torn because I want to let him pursue me but I also want to show that I'm a grown-up (relationship material for someone with a kid). And because we were emailing every day BEFORE the date, I was used to a certain rhythm. Sorry the story is so long, I just am new to this and I really think this person is special! Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 It sounds like you have done plenty of the initiating already. It is early days though so just take it slow for now. He will likely be busy and preoccupied with his child frequently so prepare for those times where he may not reply often. I know you think he is special but I think it is important that you give him time to reveal the type of man he truly is before you get too emotionally invested. If he doesn't initiate contact with you that much or flakes on your plans it will tell you a lot. Better to find that out sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I met someone online, and for 10 days (he was traveling) we sent incredibly thoughtful, great emails to each other daily. (We agreed we'd go out after a couple of days.) We had our first date 4 days ago and it was everything I could have hoped for--the conversation was amazing, the attraction was crazy, we kissed at the end, he held my hand as he drove me home. He brought up my divorce and his but we also had plenty of fun banter. He kept telling me how cool and smart I was. We agreed we'd go out again late this week. The next day he sent me silly texts--so all seemed good. So the day after, I sent him an email of some links to stuff I'd told him about on our date. And then...nothing for 2 days. Some friends (including a straight guy) said 'just text him, maybe he prefers that, the email was a reference list, how would he reply.' And: 'he already knows he wants to see you so he doesn't need to put in all that email effort now.' So I texted him back...and 3 painful hours later he texted back with another joke but referred to his kid being in the room. I made a joke back and nothing...so then an hour later I asked if he and the kid were up to anything fun. (I realized I should have done that sooner, because I am interested in the kid.) His reply: 'Just put him to bed.' We had made verbal plans in person to meet 3 days from now, but we don't have an actual time/place set in stone and this is all making me so anxious. I'm torn because I want to let him pursue me but I also want to show that I'm a grown-up (relationship material for someone with a kid). And because we were emailing every day BEFORE the date, I was used to a certain rhythm. Sorry the story is so long, I just am new to this and I really think this person is special! The ball is in his court. However, when a man makes a date with you and doesn't offer specifics at the time, you don't reach out to him. You let him come back to you. If he doesn't confirm by the day before and get's back to you last minute, you tell him you hadn't heard from him and made other plans and offer an alternate day. If he accepts that, you nail down the specifics then and you tell him he needs to confirm by X day and time. If he doesn't, you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Yeah, I'd just take a deep breath hon. Wait the 3 days (I know it's torture lol) and if nothing happens by then, you know you have an issue and you can address it. People do cool off, so that's a possibility, but the kid/availability thing's legit too. Just let it be what it'll be til it is what it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 If he doesn't ask you out on another date then he's not interested. BTW: Don't get in the car of people who you just met. Don't hold hands while driving. Don't think people are special when you've only met them once. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 How long has his divorce been final? How old is the kiddo? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinydancer324 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Divorced 3 years, kid is 6. I'm worried if anything he thinks I haven't been available long enough (separated 1.5 years, initiated divorce 2.5 months ago) Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 You have to relax, breathe! Give him a week to formulate a date plan. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 3 hours?! Really you are this upset over 3 hours? Get a grip. Overly anxious isn't going to serve you well. If you have verbal plans to meet 3 days from now and you haven't heard from him, 2 days from now pick up the phone (not text, not email -- the voice feature of the phone) and call him to confirm. Psychologically treat it like a business meeting or doctor's appointment. If you don't get confirmation, assume he's moved on. Otherwise go & enjoy. Stop over analyzing. Link to post Share on other sites
utilisateur Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 The ball is in his court. However, when a man makes a date with you and doesn't offer specifics at the time, you don't reach out to him. You let him come back to you. If he doesn't confirm by the day before and get's back to you last minute, you tell him you hadn't heard from him and made other plans and offer an alternate day. If he accepts that, you nail down the specifics then and you tell him he needs to confirm by X day and time. If he doesn't, you move on. What is with these mind games? All this manipulation is why dating sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
mandymor Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I'm sure if he's interested in you, which it sounds like he is, as it gets closer to date night he will contact you with all the details. Just be patient and calm down. It's only been one date and he is probably busy with work and his kid. Don't let it drive you crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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