Purely Physical?

[amkxoxo]

So I need some help. An outside opinion. So a guy friend and I have been getting closer and closer. We joke around and talk almost everyday. We take walks together and its just a friendship. I don't like him at all in that way, but we have a lot of fun. The other night he and I went to a party together with some friends. We had a great time. We drank a bit and he drove me home. He came upstairs and we were watching a movie. We have done this before and its been no big deal. We were talking and joking around and watching. The night progressed on and before we knew it joking turned into light touching and then holding hands and then kissing. We ended up making out in my bed.

 

We would make out and then we would talk for a while and then makeup some more. I still didn't have feelings for him. I told him so. He told me he liked me but he didn't think we would ever be good together in a relationship. We made things clear. But the situation was so unclear at the same time. I made it clear I didn't like him at all and even told him I had feelings for other people, old flames of mine. He said he didn't care and it wasn't serious for him either. Some clothes came off and I also told him I wouldn't have sex with him. He said I was a nice girl and he didn't expect me to. He said he was fine with not having sex.

 

More clothes came off and he and were were almost naked. We kissed a lot and made out and touched each other a lot. He was so nice to me, and I trusted him since we had become good friends. This lasted practically all night.

 

We talked about maybe doing this casually, no sex, unless either of us found people we wanted to be with officially. We talked about never doing it again. Our situation was in limbo.

 

I was raised very conservatively. I'm a virgin but not a nun, but a nice girl. I don't take guys home and let them sleep with me. But I have had a few guys that I have dated that I have done some stuff with. I'm 23, hormonal, and curious. Waking up the next day he and i talked a bit and were kind of awkward. We have been texting since. Some joking around. Some light flirting but nothing serious. I told him I was unsure if I wanted anything to happen again. He said that was fine and out regular friendship could persist like usual. I told him I was unsure. I am unsure. He isn't my type at all. I feel like a slut. I feel like he and others are judging me. But then my rational side keeps telling me that what I did was fine. I have girl friends who lost their virginity when they were 16 and have been sleeping with men since. I didn't even do that. I feel ashamed. I feel like as much and he and I are still friends after this, we might not always be because this situation might catch up to us. I'm terrified. I don't want to be with him, but I don't know if I might want to do physical stuff with him again.

 

Any advice, opinions?

[empresario]

I am chiming in to say I normally have an answer to just about anything...but this stumps me.

 

 

You claim you aren't into him...just hormonal. Are you just...pardon my French...horny? There are ways to take care of that yourself.

 

 

At the end of the day, if you want to be his friend but not be intimate...don't put yourself in that position. Hang out with him in public for a while. Don't drink then sleep in the same bed with him. You know...avoid things that make you horny.

 

 

At any rate, if you feel like what you're doing is wrong or are guilty for doing it...then it's probably not right. Most people will probably say "it's normal, don't feel guilty". Screw that. Listen to yourself. If you were ready or wanting to have casual sex you would know you are ready. Don't be peer-pressured into it.

 

 

Have sex when you know you won't regret it. You won't get to take that one back.

[amkxoxo]

I don't want to have sex with him. He didn't pressure me to. He doesn't care if we ever do. He was fine with us kissing and touching every once in a while. I like that. It was nice. But I still feel guilty. I feel like a slut for doing stuff like that with someone I don't truly like. I always preach being intimate and kissing someone you really like and see a future with. Someone who your dating or want to be your boyfriend. I feel like others will judge me for just having a casual fling with my friend. I'm a good girl. It was fun and exciting at the time but after I had some moral internal conflict. I still do. I don't know what I want. I don't want a public normal relationship with him. I made that clear.

[barcode88]

Well OP, your conservative views on sex are why you are shaming yourself... In my opinion there is nothing to be ashamed of..... Just my two cents

[JJCaliGirl]

amkxoxo, I was very much like you until my early to mid 20s. Anytime I did something that may not have fit with what I thought was right, I would over analyze it and myself. I missed out on some great things as a result. In the end, you are only hurting yourself. Know that there's nothing to be ashamed about.

 

Obviously you enjoyed yourself while it was happening. Take this as a learning opportunity for your future relationships. Were there things that he did that you liked or didn't like? Put that in the back of your mind because when you do have that boyfriend or someone you are dating, then you will be able to communicate what pleases you. Having these moments only will help you! Trust me!