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The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

View Poll Results: Who should pay for dates?
Men always should pay 57 22.44%
Women always should pay 5 1.97%
Men and women should take turns paying 173 68.11%
I have no opinion/other/see comments 19 7.48%
Voters: 254. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 25th April 2015, 12:08 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by SawtoothMars View Post
This whole thing doesn't happen in a vacuum. Women under 30 dramatically out earn men under 30. Men have in the past used date paying as a way to out compete one another and gain sexual advantage. Today many men simply don't have the money because the HUGE influx of women into the work force has wiped out a generation of wage increases. I mean we are talking 80 million workers since 1980. Additionally, and this isn't well understood, the educational system has become so geared towards girls that boys are failing at mind boggling rates... leaving the colleges pushing 70% female.

I think a lot of these guys feel the situation is like an employer that forces people to pay money to have an interview.



That is a stereotype, and like all stereotypes it fits some but not others. As a general rule most men do not expect sex in exchange for paying. However, polls indicate that about 30% of men... and typically the guys who insist on paying actually feel justified in RAPING a woman if they pay for the date.

In other words to a significant chunk of men paying for dates is a license to get extremely sexually aggressive.
I never said that all men expect sex when they pay for a date. I think you misread my post entirely.

I wrote that I don't believe in the sexism that is attached to that social convention (men pay for women's dates because they want sex). I clearly wrote that I don't believe THAT. I wrote that I think men should pay for dates because it's romantic and chivalrous. Not because men expect sex.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:12 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by Gaeta View Post
It's all done on the unconscious level. Like a man never stops to ask directions when he's lost, he is not aware of his behavior and why he's doing it. He just knows he wants to do it on his own.
Listen... for the vast majority of human evolution women DID NOT CHOOSE their own mate. This was typically decided between families. This notion of "romantic love" is very new and very Christian in origin. I believe it first took hold among the nobility of France in the 1300's as part of the Chivalry movement.

The point is that non of this crap is really biological. It is instead socialized behavior and feelings. As humans we are very adaptable.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:19 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by writergal View Post
I never said that all men expect sex when they pay for a date. I think you misread my post entirely.
I wrote that I don't believe in the sexism that is attached to that social convention (men pay for women's dates because they want sex). I clearly wrote that I don't believe THAT. I wrote that I think men should pay for dates because it's romantic and chivalrous. Not because men expect sex.
I understood what you were saying. I'm just pointing out that it isn't just about you and what you want. You may want the guy to pay because you are thinking social custom and chivalry... meanwhile he is wanting to pay so he doesn't feel bad about date raping you. Whether you believe in it or not, there are plenty of men who think this way.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:25 PM   #34
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You see the same behavior in a lot of primates actually, where the guy gets no love unless he resource shares.

It's as biological a way to stimulate a woman as paying attention to her clit. Plus it's feminine to let a girl pay for you. =/ I'm not interested in playing the feminine role but maybe some guys are.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:26 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by SawtoothMars View Post
Listen... for the vast majority of human evolution women DID NOT CHOOSE their own mate. This was typically decided between families. This notion of "romantic love" is very new and very Christian in origin. I believe it first took hold among the nobility of France in the 1300's as part of the Chivalry movement.

The point is that non of this crap is really biological. It is instead socialized behavior and feelings. As humans we are very adaptable.
I read Gaeta's post and she did not attach biology to social convention. Where did you get that from? What are you saying? That our subconscious thoughts are not biological? That makes no sense at all. Gaeta's post was what she thought men think on a subconscious level when they pay for a woman on a date.

So, are you saying? That you believe that romantic love isn't biological and is an invention of the Medieval Code of Chivalry social norms that started in 13th Century France? That can't be true. Have you watched French movies? Haha!
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:36 PM   #36
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Plus it's feminine to let a girl pay for you.
Yes, I believe that is the way people in general think, and why men want to do it and why women let them.
Real men pay for their dates, wusses moan about it.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:50 PM   #37
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My uncle had a roommate who was super cheap with women. He'd have this whole routine about never spending a dime more than he had to on a date. Never dinner, always drinks, at a place with a deal if possible, making sure they went dutch. And he would post so many fake ads on craigslist and weed through so many emails that he still managed to do pretty well for himself. Was very adept at pretending to be what the girl he was seeing wanted him to be. The only time I heard it failed was when he pretended to be a vegan, I guess she could smell the hamburger on him.

One time one of the few girls he had actually dated for a while showed up after he broke up with her, accusing him of being gay and stuff. I guess he was having her do weird fem stuff to him in the bedroom or something. He had been using not paying to sort out the women who weren't willing to take on the masculine role. That kind of stuff plays into relationship dynamics quite a bit, so make sure you want to be the girl in the relationship before you start up with that I'm not gonna pay stuff.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:58 PM   #38
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I paid for the first date with my current girlfriend and she paid for the second. We kept taking turns until we made it official and now I pay for the vast majority. I'm happy with this. I make more than she does and she has kids, so less disposable income.

What I'm not happy with is paying for everything on early dates. There is no confirmation of interest, so it's just throwing money into a wishing well. I would rather spend $1,000 on a girlfriend than $100 on a date with unconfirmed interest.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 25th April 2015 at 12:59 PM.. Reason: removed derogatory remark
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Old 25th April 2015, 1:19 PM   #39
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That kind of stuff plays into relationship dynamics quite a bit, so make sure you want to be the girl in the relationship before you start up with that I'm not gonna pay stuff.
Never really thought of it like that, but I think you have something there. I suppose if I, as a woman started paying for dates or the majority of dates, then I am really making a play for power, for control, and for some men to accept that, then they are accepting my dominant role in the relationship.
He who pays the piper calls the tune
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Old 25th April 2015, 1:43 PM   #40
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Never really thought of it like that, but I think you have something there. I suppose if I, as a woman started paying for dates or the majority of dates, then I am really making a play for power, for control, and for some men to accept that, then they are accepting my dominant role in the relationship.
He who pays the piper calls the tune
Or the guy is normally just a penny pinchin cheapass.
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Old 25th April 2015, 3:12 PM   #41
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Fella`s in `Braintree` pay for most dates.........
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Old 25th April 2015, 3:17 PM   #42
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There needs to be a Men SHOULD pay for the first 2 dates option.

For that reason I voted for men/women both pay.
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Old 25th April 2015, 4:10 PM   #43
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I think it'c cheaper to have someone come over my place and we order dinner lol
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Old 25th April 2015, 4:40 PM   #44
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I'll always offer to pay half or my part. It feels weird not too. However, if the man responds with a 'nan I got it' I usually just say 'ok thank you.'
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Old 25th April 2015, 4:47 PM   #45
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Originally Posted by gaius View Post
Women get turned on by a guy paying on a primal level, and the more you turn them on the more they want to turn you on.

There may actually be something to this. I just figured it was the thoughtfulness aspect?


I don't know. I feel like whoever invites the other on the date should pay. Regardless of gender. The pursuer should pay.
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