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The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

View Poll Results: Who should pay for dates?
Men always should pay 60 22.30%
Women always should pay 5 1.86%
Men and women should take turns paying 182 67.66%
I have no opinion/other/see comments 22 8.18%
Voters: 269. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 25th April 2015, 11:08 AM   #16
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I think a man should pay for the date because I think it's romantic and chivalrous.

And I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good-natured form of sexism either, where the man's expectation is that his date will reimburse him with sex, for paying for her dinner or movie or whatever they do for their date. I think men are better than that, aren't they? Men pay for dates because they want to.
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:14 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by writergal View Post
I think a man should pay for the date because I think it's romantic and chivalrous.

And I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good-natured form of sexism either, where the man's expectation is that his date will reimburse him with sex, for paying for her dinner or movie or whatever they do for their date. I think men are better than that, aren't they? Men pay for dates because they want to.

I see what you mean, a Woman paying my house-note would be extremely sexy.
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:16 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Gaeta View Post
Picking up the bill is just one of those things that indicates to a woman you would be a good provider for her and the 10s of offsprinds she'll give you. Back in the days you proved yourself by bringing a fat dead hog and nowadays you do it by picking up the bill. It's just residuals from the way we were wired hundreds of years ago.
Yes, and no matter how much equality is around, many women still need to see that at some level.
Some man who is not willing to pick up the bill for a few drinks or a dinner is in her mind also going to struggle to buy nappies or to provide whilst she is looking after their kids, or to buy a house, etc.
Women although most work and are well able to provide for themselves, can still see the man's role as provider and protector. Men who quibble about bills on dates, may always quibble about other money aspects, and as many marriages founder due to arguments about money, then that is not a great start.
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:24 AM   #19
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I see what you mean, a Woman paying my house-note would be extremely sexy.
Haha! Touché Hawaii51!
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:36 AM   #20
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Well as I said before, it's all in the date planning. If you put a little bit of thought into it, money isn't an issue. Plus, if you never communicate to a woman that you want her to chip in once and awhile, it's your own fault.

But if I hear a woman say "Whoever plans should pay" one more time...I mean considering the fact that men plan 90% of the dates, it works out in their favor doesn't it? It's just a skewed logic they love using to justify being cheap. Don't get me wrong. I love planning and paying MOST of the time. But if a woman expects me to do all the work the entire time we're together, she won't be dating me.
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:36 AM   #21
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I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good indicator that he will be a good provider. Have to disagree with that belief.
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:40 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by writergal View Post
I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good indicator that he will be a good provider. Have to disagree with that belief.
Especially if he invites you to a drive through rendezvous at McD's. Haha
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:42 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by writergal View Post
I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good indicator that he will be a good provider. Have to disagree with that belief.
It's all done on the unconscious level. Like a man never stops to ask directions when he's lost, he is not aware of his behavior and why he's doing it. He just knows he wants to do it on his own.
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:44 AM   #24
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Especially if he invites you to a drive through rendezvous at McD's. Haha
Hahahaha! That's so true!
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:51 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by writergal View Post
I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good indicator that he will be a good provider. Have to disagree with that belief.
Oh yes, true.
Once went out with a man who split every payment down the middle, but it did start to get a bit ridiculous when it got down to the last penny. Trying to find small change to pay my half, and getting small change back when I over paid, was a bit silly.
He was in fact very mean with his money generally when I got to know him better. He wasn't poor, just mean.
So whilst I was thinking "equality" and proud to pay my half, he was thinking of the pennies.
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:52 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by fitnessfan365 View Post
But if I hear a woman say "Whoever plans should pay" one more time...I mean considering the fact that men plan 90% of the dates, it works out in their favor doesn't it? It's just a skewed logic they love using to justify being cheap. Don't get me wrong. I love planning and paying MOST of the time. But if a woman expects me to do all the work the entire time we're together, she won't be dating me.
90% after bf/gf is established? I wouldn't expect that to be true. Eventually, it should grow in to a more relaxed, "I heard about this event happening this weekend. Wanna go?"
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Old 25th April 2015, 11:54 AM   #27
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Most women expect men to pay for dates because they can. Dating is a competition. As a man, if you aren't willing to pay for the a date, whatever woman you are interested in can probably find a guy who will pay. Why should she date you? Unless you are much better looking than she is, she will most likely pick someone else.

While I find the lack of equality aspect of men always paying to be somewhat distasteful, especially since so many women fought to achieve equality in other aspects of life, but purposefully ignore inequality when it is in their favor, I can't blame them. I like getting free meals too.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:02 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Gaeta View Post
It's all done on the unconscious level. Like a man never stops to ask directions when he's lost, he is not aware of his behavior and why he's doing it. He just knows he wants to do it on his own.
I said that *I* don't think a man paying for a date is proof that he will be a financially stable provider in my life. Your response doesn't really address that. It sounds like what you're saying is that you believe that on a subconscious level, men believe that by paying for a date, they show the woman that they are a good provider. Is that correct?

The only way I will believe that a man is a good provider, is when he shows me that he is. But paying for my dinner and a movie ticket? All that shows me is that he likes me enough, and that he follows normal social conventions. That's it.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:04 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by Pretywoman View Post
whether woman or man pays it doesnt matter. However, my personal view is that man shouldnt be relying on woman to pay most of times.. That is so not gentleman of him.
I have this particular male friend whom I ended go out with, pays for almost everything. Dinner, coffee and cinema ticket..
Both woman and man are working adult.. so lets just be fair..
This whole thing doesn't happen in a vacuum. Women under 30 dramatically out earn men under 30. Men have in the past used date paying as a way to out compete one another and gain sexual advantage. Today many men simply don't have the money because the HUGE influx of women into the work force has wiped out a generation of wage increases. I mean we are talking 80 million workers since 1980. Additionally, and this isn't well understood, the educational system has become so geared towards girls that boys are failing at mind boggling rates... leaving the colleges pushing 70% female.

I think a lot of these guys feel the situation is like an employer that forces people to pay money to have an interview.

Quote:
Originally Posted by writergal View Post
I think a man should pay for the date because I think it's romantic and chivalrous.
And I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good-natured form of sexism either, where the man's expectation is that his date will reimburse him with sex, for paying for her dinner or movie or whatever they do for their date. I think men are better than that, aren't they? Men pay for dates because they want to.
That is a stereotype, and like all stereotypes it fits some but not others. As a general rule most men do not expect sex in exchange for paying. However, polls indicate that about 30% of men... and typically the guys who insist on paying actually feel justified in RAPING a woman if they pay for the date.

In other words to a significant chunk of men paying for dates is a license to get extremely sexually aggressive.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:05 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Oh yes, true.
Once went out with a man who split every payment down the middle, but it did start to get a bit ridiculous when it got down to the last penny. Trying to find small change to pay my half, and getting small change back when I over paid, was a bit silly.
He was in fact very mean with his money generally when I got to know him better. He wasn't poor, just mean.
So whilst I was thinking "equality" and proud to pay my half, he was thinking of the pennies.
Exactly. The man paying for a woman's part of their date isn't a reliable indicator and shouldn't be.
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