FortunateSon Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 A bit of background, I have been dating a woman who I really like for almost 3 months. She is the first person I have felt fairly serious about since the break up of a long term relationship about a year and a half ago. She is also a year and a half post break up of a long term relationship, and said she felt as I did. After about a month of seeing each other we agreed to exclusivity and that was the last it was mentioned/talked about. We have a lot in common, have great sex, communicate daily, and have a great time together in general. We come from similar backgrounds and want a lot of the same things in life, the only thing I was initially concerned about was a 10 year age gap, me being late 30's and her late 20's. We see each other about 2-3 times a week, although she was on vacation this last week, and I was on vacation the week prior. What has concerned/confused me as of late is the during the first month and a half we talked and made plans for the future, even though it was a blossoming relationship. Nothing particularly serious, but things a month or two out. Right now there isn't much talk of the future or the things we talked about and it is making me wonder if we are still on the same page. I wonder if we are still growing/evolving? I would like to address this and ask her where we stand and what her thoughts are, but I am concerned that having that conversation will make me look clingy/insecure, even though I just want to know where her head is at? Any advice on how to handle this? I like her a lot and would like to continue seeing her, but I have felt on unstable ground lately for some reason? Any feedback is appreciated!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Any advice? I am seeing her tomorrow, do I play it cool or address my concerns?? Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 You are coming off a bit clingy/insecure. Play it cool man. When she is ready to commit, she will bring the subject of exclusivity up. Until then just plan fun dates, and enjoy her company. EDIT: Nvm you already are exclusive... So whats the problem then? Lack of future plans? 1-2 month out plans seems normal at this point. I think you're overreacting Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) I would play it cool, getting heavy on her might turn her off. You two already talked about the future at the right time, things are going good - you date, have affection, no problems - why rock the boat? Let her bring it up if she wants to. Unless you can give me some real red flags you are reading - which I don't see in your post - I don't see the problem. Sometimes people like to worry about things that will never happen. Where the relationship is going is better left up to her. For best results, it has to be their own idea first. Things are going well, relax, breathe, enjoy the ride! Quit making the relationship your whole universe, it's not a Unicorn. At it's core, a good relationship is a series of worthwhile dates. Edited April 7, 2015 by Gary S 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 A bit of background, I have been dating a woman who I really like for almost 3 months. She is the first person I have felt fairly serious about since the break up of a long term relationship about a year and a half ago. She is also a year and a half post break up of a long term relationship, and said she felt as I did. After about a month of seeing each other we agreed to exclusivity and that was the last it was mentioned/talked about. We have a lot in common, have great sex, communicate daily, and have a great time together in general. We come from similar backgrounds and want a lot of the same things in life, the only thing I was initially concerned about was a 10 year age gap, me being late 30's and her late 20's. We see each other about 2-3 times a week, although she was on vacation this last week, and I was on vacation the week prior. What has concerned/confused me as of late is the during the first month and a half we talked and made plans for the future, even though it was a blossoming relationship. Nothing particularly serious, but things a month or two out. Right now there isn't much talk of the future or the things we talked about and it is making me wonder if we are still on the same page. I wonder if we are still growing/evolving? I would like to address this and ask her where we stand and what her thoughts are, but I am concerned that having that conversation will make me look clingy/insecure, even though I just want to know where her head is at? Any advice on how to handle this? I like her a lot and would like to continue seeing her, but I have felt on unstable ground lately for some reason? Any feedback is appreciated!! Communicating effectively doesn't make you appear clingy or insecure. There is nothing wrong with taking the temperature of a relationship periodically by having a casual conversation about how you are feeling. You simply say something like "I've been enjoying the time we spend together, let's plan ____ for ______" Have a specific activity and time frame for it. And, then let her talk. Make it for say 3 weeks to a month out -- a concert or something like that. If she can't make a plan with you for it, that may be a little clue. But just listen to her. In addition, you may just be feeling a little insecure simply because of the two week "break" for vacations and missing that bonding time you've had together. So, I wouldn't do the above for a little bit. See how things go over the next week or so. "It" may come back when the two of you are settled again. "as of late" -- you aren't talking about a very long stretch of time here. You've only been dating for 3 months with a two week vacation period in between. It may just be a little "blip". Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Thanks for the replies! I think the two weeks of being apart has lead to some of the uncertainties for me. I will make sure to play it cool and enjoy the ride. The only things that I question or might be red flags are that 1. I tend to be the one who initiates our time together 2. She never seems to be particularly excited to see me(maybe a personality thing?) 3. A lot of the time we spend together tend to be on her terms or convenience Again, I am not the insecure or clingy type, but this is the first time I have met someone I have really liked in awhile so I might be over thinking things? Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks for the replies! I think the two weeks of being apart has lead to some of the uncertainties for me. I will make sure to play it cool and enjoy the ride. The only things that I question or might be red flags are that 1. I tend to be the one who initiates our time together 2. She never seems to be particularly excited to see me(maybe a personality thing?) 3. A lot of the time we spend together tend to be on her terms or convenience Again, I am not the insecure or clingy type, but this is the first time I have met someone I have really liked in awhile so I might be over thinking things? Firstly it's great that you've met someone who you've been having such a good time with. I'm also 18 months out of my LTR and I've not found anyone particularly worthwhile yet. Seems a pointless search at times... Anyway, I can understand where you are coming from. Some girls are just like this, but you could always try to cool off a little and don't initiate any more plans. See how keen she seems to come up with something and put in some of the effort. That will give you your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 You need to live in the moment more. Take it week by week and date by date. Just focus on having fun, and rocking her world in bed. Also, everything is hypothetical until you're ready to take action. So instead of constantly talking about what you will be doing, wait until you actually can do it, and bring it up a few weeks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
kayla73 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Try not to overthink things; enjoy the time you spend with her now. Let serious conversations come up naturally. I can understand the nuisance of always being the one to initiate everything, but that may just be how she is. If you still get the feeling that she's not putting any effort into the relationship a few months down the line, then it would be important to communicate that to her. Right now, it just doesn't sound serious enough to fret about. Link to post Share on other sites
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