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She just feels incredibly wishy washy regarding me


mcdolan

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Been going out for about 6 weeks now, met her via OLD, both mid20s. On the first date she actually took the intitive to kiss me (I would had just given a hug myself otherwise) and say she really enjoyed her time and liked me. Kept going out since and got intimate about 5 or 6 dates into it. She also does most of the legwork in this since she has a roommate who works in an industry I'd rather no be associated with and I own a place to myself so she has a 30 min drive everytime she comes to my place, I've yet, and don't really want to, go to hers.

 

She just has really bizarre behavior sometimes though. She tends to be terrible at responding to me as in I'll ask if she's free tonight and won't get a reply until well after any meeting could have potentially taken place. She loves playing games on her phone while we're doing things/at events. This other time I asked her to come out to a cafe to meet some guys I hang with since she just got off work and she responded sure and asked for the locale. I was in the middle of something so I couldn't reply immediately and during that time she sent another text in 5 minutes saying 'forget it, I'm going home'. You could kinda infer she was a bit angry from the text I'd say so I respond with a sorry for the holdup or whatever and give her the address if she still wanted to come and she immediately responds she's on her way and seems perfectly fine when she shows up.

 

Sooooo, I dunno. Almost two months in, isn't this when things are suppose to be getting more serious/less dopey?

 

As a general disclaimer, I AM dating another person casually at the moment but my preference is for this woman since we've been dating longer.

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I have news for you, the woman is right. You are the one making the mistakes. You should make date plans a day ahead in the beginning, and no group dates for 6 months. She's perfect.

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PegNosePete
she has a roommate who works in an industry I'd rather no be associated with

Her roommate is a politician? :D

 

It sounds like you need to sit down and have a proper discussion with her, about where your relationship is going. It sounds as though she's dating others, that's why she's scatty and secretive and "slow" to respond. If you want her to focus on you then you need to lock her down.

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Been going out for about 6 weeks now, met her via OLD, both mid20s. On the first date she actually took the intitive to kiss me (I would had just given a hug myself otherwise) and say she really enjoyed her time and liked me. Kept going out since and got intimate about 5 or 6 dates into it. She also does most of the legwork in this since she has a roommate who works in an industry I'd rather no be associated with and I own a place to myself so she has a 30 min drive everytime she comes to my place, I've yet, and don't really want to, go to hers.

 

She just has really bizarre behavior sometimes though. She tends to be terrible at responding to me as in I'll ask if she's free tonight and won't get a reply until well after any meeting could have potentially taken place. She loves playing games on her phone while we're doing things/at events. This other time I asked her to come out to a cafe to meet some guys I hang with since she just got off work and she responded sure and asked for the locale. I was in the middle of something so I couldn't reply immediately and during that time she sent another text in 5 minutes saying 'forget it, I'm going home'. You could kinda infer she was a bit angry from the text I'd say so I respond with a sorry for the holdup or whatever and give her the address if she still wanted to come and she immediately responds she's on her way and seems perfectly fine when she shows up.

 

Sooooo, I dunno. Almost two months in, isn't this when things are suppose to be getting more serious/less dopey?

 

As a general disclaimer, I AM dating another person casually at the moment but my preference is for this woman since we've been dating longer.

 

"Sooooo, I dunno. Almost two months in, isn't this when things are suppose to be getting more serious/less dopey?" It shouldn't have been dopey at all, not now or in the beginning. It's not going to change either. Go with the other girl, unless she's being dopey ;)

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Not really fond of the arbitrary timeline thing. I had met my previous GF via OLD and after like the 3rd date we knew we were going to get serious. That ended up lasting over 4 years and really only ended because it was LD for a year and professionally speaking, it was tough for us to get on the same page after I moved away. I really feel like it should just happen when it does.

 

This lady though, I'll try to lock down for a future date and she'll be non-comittal though we still somehow end up seeing eachother once or twice a week.

 

I hate to admit it but I do feel like I'm leaning towards girl #2 now, just because she's much better at communication.

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You need to ask her out at least a couple of days in advance. It's rude to expect someone to scramble around and cancel whatever plans or mindset they had in their head to do later, because by then, she's already decided on her evening. Ask a couple of days in advance and then you'll get a reply before it's time.

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fitnessfan365

Think of it from her POV. You're treating her like an option, and not a priority by trying to make plans night of. It's inconsiderate. It's one thing if you have a great spontaneous date idea planned that you know she'd like. But in general, you should always make plans in advance. Let's say you know you'll have Fri night free. Call or text her Mon. Don't wait until Fri and ask her if she's free that night.

 

But the one strike against her is her immature response to not getting a text back right away. Women are funny that way. They will take hours to get back to you, but if you don't reply back within their desired time frame they get butt hurt..LOL

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PegNosePete
This lady though, I'll try to lock down for a future date and she'll be non-comittal

Well, this sounds like she's keeping her options open. She doesn't want to say a straight "yes" in case a better option (ie. a guy she likes more) asks her out on that day too.

 

I would move on.

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Penguin_hugs

It doesn't sound like it's working to me- particularly if it's 2 months in and you are still trying to decide between her and someone else. If it was right then I feel like you would be certain by now.

 

The games on the phone thing though is a bit rude- just ask her not to if you are around

 

And try and plan dates in advance- not everyone is ok with being spontaneous

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fitnessfan365
And try and plan dates in advance- not everyone is ok with being spontaneous

 

Spontaneous dates are great if it's a limited time thing. Like a band she loves is in town or something like that. I'd send a text and say "Limited time offer to sweep you off your feet. Expires tonight. In or out?" That is romantic and serves a purpose.

 

But in general I agree that just asking night of a run of the mill get together is inconsiderate. It makes a woman feel like an option and not a priority.

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Penguin_hugs
Spontaneous dates are great if it's a limited time thing. Like a band she loves is in town or something like that. I'd send a text and say "Limited time offer to sweep you off your feet. Expires tonight. In or out?" That is romantic and serves a purpose.

 

But in general I agree that just asking night of a run of the mill get together is inconsiderate. It makes a woman feel like an option and not a priority.

 

Yeah- I don't mean spontaneity is off the cards. That can be fun sometimes too but not a regular thing.

 

If every time you want to meet you text her with not long to spare til the time you want to meet- then you start to feel like an afterthought too. Like "Oh you've had no plans for this day all week and nothing better has come along so you phoned me". Plus if she has to be the one to do all the driving too then that's going to get annoying

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Ok, just let me make something clear. I do ask her out in regularly days in advanced, it's not like all of our meeting are just spur of the moment. Hell even just last night I asked her if she's free on Sunday for a hiking. Her response? She'd love to go but might end up visiting her parents (who are 10 mins away from her) instead and will have to let me know later. Since then? Nothing from her. I mean, what kind of message is that suppose to send to me as a person?

 

In a serious sense, I don't really care if she already has a date with another guy setup, if she'd prefer to just watch Netflix all day eating ice cream and not have me know, or if she really is going to visit them, but it's so wholly non-committal and ridiculous; that's my take.

Edited by mcdolan
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If you're asking her in advance and she's putting you on hold in case she'd rather do something else, it can be one of two things or both together. Either she's like my sister and can't plan anything because she's that disorganized, or she doesn't want to do anything with you very bad.

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