Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) There's plenty of good men, and there's plenty of good looking men as well, yet I'm never attracted to 90% of guys who are out there. I could have had millions of boyfriends by now, because the men I've known have all been good men, with great sex drives and wonderful bf potential. But again...I'm not attracted to them. Of course the men I AM attracted to are either taken or have kids (dealbreaker for me) so I'm wondering if there are any women out there who are also struggling. Part of it is where I live (North America, I like European men) and the other part is the men I like are always taken. Men see a hot girl and think "She probably has a boyfriend." But when I FINALLY find a guy I like I think "Finally!" only to be disappointed when I learn he is taken. To be completely honest, I'm very jealous of women who have no problem being attracted to men left right and center. I've even questioned my sexuality for the lack of men I'm attracted to, but quickly learned that no, I don't like vaginas. Edited March 16, 2015 by Hopeful30 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 How and where are you looking for men that you do find attractive? Obviously, a large, diverse city and surrounding areas will provide more prospects, some of whom won't already be taken. Meeting in real life and via OLD should provide a variety of prospects - at least with OLD you can far more quickly find suitable candidates and exchange some messages to screen them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 ^ This is true, but online dating isn't a good place to really get a feel for a person. Pictures are often deceiving (make men look worse or better than they are) and to be honest, I need to feel their energy. I need a sense for them. THAT'S what I'm attracted too, not abs and a pretty face. Also, some men can be very well versed in real life, but suck at communicating through typing or messages. Online dating is the poorest of places to really be able to see a man in all his best forms. Also, the city in which I live is diverse, true, but it's diverse with Indians, Blacks, and Asians -- none of which I'm attracted to. The few men I have been attracted to I have met randomly through work or travel, but yes, all taken (and I can see why lol) Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 OP, are you just going by looks alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 Not at all. Being attracted to someone doesn't really have anything to do with looks. It's about pheromones and chemistry -- things that looks don't have much to do with really. If looks were enough, I wouldn't be complaining because plenty of men aren't bad looking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I do struggle as well. But as time has gone by, I have realised the the main problem is ME. I am attracted to unavailable men. It's terrible. For some reason, guys who are fully available, turn me off. I think it probably has to do with the challenge... but when they're truly unavailable, the game is rigged and I can't win. Ever. So I'm come to realise that I sabotage myself. I'm working on it though. And hopefully it will all change very very soon. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 I do struggle as well. But as time has gone by, I have realised the the main problem is ME. I am attracted to unavailable men. It's terrible. For some reason, guys who are fully available, turn me off. I think it probably has to do with the challenge... but when they're truly unavailable, the game is rigged and I can't win. Ever. So I'm come to realise that I sabotage myself. I'm working on it though. And hopefully it will all change very very soon. Hmm... that's an interesting observation, but unavailability turns me off. Availability turns me ON because that means he can be mine lol and if a man can be all mine... well that's sexy lol Besides, when I'm attracted to unavailable men, I don't know they're unavailable. I only learn this later, so I don't think that's what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I have massive problems as I find a certain type to be very attractive. They are the ones that are a miss mash of identity traits that clash with each other. You can't find that out by looking at them. I get very turned off very quickly by the daftest of things. You are not alone and its normal. I too get asked out by loads of men who are married or in long term relationships. I have no idea why. I find it really off putting to be honest. Stick to your guns. Keep going. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 You are not alone and its normal. Stick to your guns. Keep going. Thank you for this <3 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Hmm... that's an interesting observation, but unavailability turns me off. Availability turns me ON because that means he can be mine lol and if a man can be all mine... well that's sexy lol Besides, when I'm attracted to unavailable men, I don't know they're unavailable. I only learn this later, so I don't think that's what it is. I don't mean as in taken. I mean as in emotionally unavailable, for whatever reason. If they have wives/Gfs, then I just scroll past without stopping. Like... my current FWB. When I met him he had a GF, who I met the same night I met him. Never crossed my mind, never found him attractive at all. As soon as they broke up? He was in my bed. I don't even know how it happened, but there was a switch. Now, obviously, considering they had broken up about a week before... he was gonna be pretty much emotionally unavailable. And he is. Still. 4 months down the road. He is single. But not available. And I am very much attracted to him... kinda because I know things won't go anywhere... It's all about it being... safe. You know there is no danger of a relationship actually going anywhere, subconsciously, even if you pretend like you'd like it to... I find myself doing that all the time... Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Initial attraction isn't extremely difficult, keeping me attracted, on the other hand, is. The latest years I get turned off more easily by someone's character and behaviour than I used to. I want to believe it's a combination of being more mature and not feeling like repeating old dysfunction. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Since you have identified your type, what options do you have for spending more time in places that type frequents? I used to know several bars in NYC where European men hung out. I don't like that type at all so I would avoid those places but if it's what you are looking for, what options do you have near you? Don't try to force yourself to like someone; that never works & leaves both parties unsatisfied. Link to post Share on other sites
kux Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 this is why guys shouldn't approach girls in public. if you're not in the top ten percent or are not her type, you're going to creep her out. what i don't get are girls being so rude about it, and it isn't like i do or say anything inappropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 ^ There are some options, but again, usually taken lol I'm attracted to older men, maybe that's also why. Older men have more experience and usually more baggage, or they're altogether in another chapter of their life. But men my age just don't have it all together and don't know what they're doing (I'm 27) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 this is why guys shouldn't approach girls in public. if you're not in the top ten percent or are not her type, you're going to creep her out. what i don't get are girls being so rude about it, and it isn't like i do or say anything inappropriate. Who said anything about "top" percentages? This isn't about the best looking guys. This is about attraction. I can be deadly attracted to one man whereas another woman finds him repulsive. This has nothing to do with "top" anything. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Attraction is definitely about more than looks. It's about confidence, her personality to be playful and sarcastic, her listening skills, and her sexual persona. Hot women are a dime a dozen. Especially since I'm around them often as a trainer. If I met a woman that was a 7 who was charming, confident, and that could keep me on my toes, I'd take her any day over a 10 that was self involved and boring. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 YES! I'm soon to be 30 and have been happily single for nearly 2 years now and although I've dated a little here and there, I just do NOT come across guys that I'm actually attracted to. There was one but it turned out that he wasn't someone I was compatible with at all. I am not looking for love by any means but I can totally relate to how you're feeling. There just isn't much opportunity for single people where I currently live. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 OP sounds like you're being shallow. Ease up on your expectations a bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kux Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Who said anything about "top" percentages? This isn't about the best looking guys. This is about attraction. I can be deadly attracted to one man whereas another woman finds him repulsive. This has nothing to do with "top" anything. it's absolutely percentages. most girls are just into a small percentage of guys. its part looks and part other stuff such as smell. not every girl is attracted to the exact same guys, but there's certain things which are more or less attractive to most girls, such as certain heights, being fit enough, facial symmetry and jawline, hair, the right smell and whatnot. bottom line is an average single guy isn't going to be acceptable to most girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Starship Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I have zero sexual attraction or thoughts about any man other than my partner. I may be attracted to a man's attributes, character, etc but at first it doesn't extend to anything a man and woman couldn't do in public. In contrast, once in a committed relationship, then I can't get enough sex. I can get a 'a date', no problem but never wanted 'a date'. I went on Match and searched fora guy with very specific criteria...and found him. Now crazy in love for six years. I never care about 'handsome'...had that since junior high school. I like a very fit man with some character. Certainly other criteria but a rare man who gives me that melting feeling when he holds my hand for the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
kux Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 OP sounds like you're being shallow. Ease up on your expectations a bit. she's anout normal. girls are very picky. approaching them as an average guy is disastrous. you'd think she just saw an alien, unless you are her type. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 it's absolutely percentages. most girls are just into a small percentage of guys. its part looks and part other stuff such as smell. not every girl is attracted to the exact same guys, but there's certain things which are more or less attractive to most girls, such as certain heights, being fit enough, facial symmetry and jawline, hair, the right smell and whatnot. bottom line is an average single guy isn't going to be acceptable to most girls. You're jumping to conclusions. When did I mention anything about looks in this thread? I mentioned strong character if anything at all. You're making strong assumptions. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 There's plenty of good men, and there's plenty of good looking men as well, yet I'm never attracted to 90% of guys who are out there. I could have had millions of boyfriends by now, because the men I've known have all been good men, with great sex drives and wonderful bf potential. But again...I'm not attracted to them. So you go as far as to have sexual relations with them? Um....why? Link to post Share on other sites
Starship Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 How and where are you looking for men that you do find attractive? Obviously, a large, diverse city and surrounding areas will provide more prospects, some of whom won't already be taken. Meeting in real life and via OLD should provide a variety of prospects - at least with OLD you can far more quickly find suitable candidates and exchange some messages to screen them. Agree completely. This is why I tried Match. A fellow nurse, who was in a similar position to me had found her mate on Eharmony. It's best to expand one's options in life. Being on line doesn't restrict options in real life. I shudder when ?I think that I wouldn't have ever met my boyfriend if we did not both join on line that week...yikes, makes me want to start crying Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 So you go as far as to have sexual relations with them? Um....why? Why is everyone throwing assumptions left right and center? You don't need to have sex with someone to know they have a great sex drive. It's called verbal communication, being friends and people talk. Jesus. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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