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Snooping around


Chi-guy

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*I'm new to loveshack.org, and just want to say a big "HI" to ya'll.*

 

Okay...here's the deal. I've been going out with my g/f for about 17 months. Now that's a long time. The longest relationship I've been in. I do love her. But 17 months is enough time for 2 people to start changing. I admit it, I've changed myself for the worse. But in her case there's one thing about her that hasn't changed, her jealousy and lack of trust.

 

She came over one night to help me study for a test last week. I guess between the time I went to the washroom to the time I came back, she went though my cell phone bill. I found this out just recently. She called me up asking me who's number that was showing more than hers. BUT THE WORSE PART IS...she told me, SHE CALLED IT! Now I know we're going out, but that was an invasion of privacy~! I would never look through her stuff to double check on her. I fully trust her, and for some odd reason she don't trust me. I don't think she ever did.

 

What should I make of this, should this be a big deal? I need some input guys/gals.

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I think this is a big deal. Woah, invasion of privacy much?

 

I have big issues with privacy, it's paramount to me. Obviously she doesn't trust you. No trust = No relationship. 17 months is a long time to be dating someone and not know they have psycho tendencies.

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Originally posted by blind_otter

I think this is a big deal. Woah, invasion of privacy much?

 

I have big issues with privacy, it's paramount to me. Obviously she doesn't trust you. No trust = No relationship. 17 months is a long time to be dating someone and not know they have psycho tendencies.

 

:laugh: That's a funny way of putting it. It's good that it's coming from a female perspective. But yeh...I'm always having to battle her about her jealous intituitions. I mean I always seem to have to back myself up just to keep her jealousy in control. Well we worked with each other for most of the time we've been going out, only recently she changed shifts, so i see her only an hour and half now. But for example, she would get crazy jealous over new girls that would come in the department. I'm having nice conversations with them, and automatically she thinks I'm flirting or I like them or wutever. Then she gets mad at me putting me on the spot for something I didn't even do.

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Curiosity i can understand but to actually call the number??! Definately oversteps the mark. I mean, that could be your grandmother or your boss!!! This girl needs to get a grip with her trust issues and you need to tell her as much.

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Not cool. I mean, you know how she is, that's how she'll prolly always be....

 

My ex was dating a girl who went through his cellphone and called me, apparently because he had mentioned that I was his ex....she tried to grill me on all sorts of info, but the only thing I could say was "good luck with that a**h***, by the way do you realize that you look like a crazy b*tch?"

 

Then she actually drove by my house a few times and left notes for me....weeeeeird. In the end I heard my ex broke up with her because she saw him talking to some chick and tried to STAB HIM.

 

Hmmmmm....well I laughed, and kinda wished she had actually hit something, but rumor has it they were at a bar and she was trying to stab him with a butterknife.

 

The truth is stranger than fiction.

 

Not saying your GF will end up trying to stab you, but she's acting creepy.

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Okay I failed to mention something. She gave me this bullcrap about me sending these signs that led her to be suspicious of me.

 

I'm a guy who is not exactly in tune with the cell phone. For example, I mean...i leave it around everywhere i.e. forget in my car, forget to put it back on RING after my classes. So when she calls, she never gets through to me, always has to leave voicemails. It happens often, but to be honest (and i've told her this)...I just don't have it on me usually.

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Originally posted by blind_otter

rumor has it they were at a bar and she was trying to stab him with a butterknife.

 

The truth is stranger than fiction.

 

Not saying your GF will end up trying to stab you, but she's acting creepy.

 

lol! sorry, i know that is quite serious but is also damned funny! Made me laugh for the first time today - thanks!

 

Chi-Guy, you need to ask yourself if you really need this cr*p, or is there some stunning, secure and sane girl out there who won't try to stab you with a butter knife one day?...

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bluechocolate

What should I make of this, should this be a big deal? I need some input guys/gals.

 

Bad news, I'm afraid.

 

So when she calls, she never gets through to me, always has to leave voicemails.

 

How many times does she have to call you during the day? And why is it so important to her that she can't leave a message?

 

But yeh...I'm always having to battle her about her jealous intituitions.

 

This girl sounds out of control.

 

She will not make you happy & it will be very hard to change her behaviour. Good Luck.

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bluechocolate - she does leave messages, all the time. I usually respond as soon as I realize i don't have my phone on me, lol.

 

You are all giving me good advice. Loveshack is awesome, thanks guys. But I don't want to make this sound like it's all on her, even what she did was hella wrong. I mean is there something that I am doing wrong by the looks of it, that maybe I deserve this in a twisted, way?

 

And no...i don't want to be butterknifed to death ;) .

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Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

Man, that is just creepy of her. Seriously.

 

Seeing as how I'm somewhat creepy too, who's number was it that you were calling so much? ;)

 

i knew that would come up :rolleyes:. Well...that's not important right now. The fact of the matter is she called it, invading privacy...that's the matter at hand here :cool: .

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savethedrama4allama

Well I mean, if it was another woman, maybe a close friend or something, maybe your girlfriend picked up on how much you two were talking and started feeling insecure about it?

 

I am not defending her but you asked if you could be doing anything to precipitate her snooping behavior.

 

"I mean is there something that I am doing wrong by the looks of it, that maybe I deserve this in a twisted, way?"

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bluechocolate

I mean is there something that I am doing wrong by the looks of it, that maybe I deserve this in a twisted, way?

 

If you haven't given her any valid reasons to mistrust you - then she's got some serious issues that you won't be able to solve.

 

If you like drama & playing control games - stay with her.

 

Me, I like a calm life.

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u got me...lol. It was a friend of the opposite sex. But does that really give her the right to do what she did? I mean, it could've been my cousin or something. It's one thing if my intent was cheating on her, but i was not.

 

hope that clears things up.

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Originally posted by bluechocolate

...

If you like drama & playing control games - stay with her.

 

Me, I like a calm life.

 

i want a calmer life than what i got now.

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savethedrama4allama

Well, I would wonder if my boyfriend was calling a female friend more than he called me too...of course I would never KNOW because I wouldn't go digging through his phone bills in the first place.

 

It could always look like you're calling this girl more because you and your girlfriend are together...do you know what I mean? For example I'm hanging out with my boyfriend in the evenings, obviously he doens't need to call me because I'm right there, unlike his friends.

 

But does that really give her the right to do what she did?

 

That is for you to decide. It sounds like you do not think she had the right and now you must set up your boundaries with her. For me, it would be a huge red flag but I'd let the first time go and tell them not to do it again. My theory is: If you are suspicious of me cheating, TALK TO ME ABOUT IT don't rifle through my personal things. Its creepy. But if everything else were fine in my relationship, this wouldn't be enough to end it. It doesn't sound like this is the only problem though, if you say your life is drama-filled.

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Well we've broken up in the past, but like always...get back together. This time, I'm gonna think it through fully. But before this year ends, actually thinking of before xmas...i will have a decision to keep her or move on. She has her reasons to break up with me, which are all valid to be honest. But this issue i bring up in this post, is just one of many other shiet i have to put myself through...and I don't want it anymore.

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shiet i have to put myself through...and I don't want it anymore.

 

enough said...so now what?

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Seeing as how I'm somewhat creepy too

 

i cant imagine you would be too good at creeping llama, the clip-clopping would give you away. oh i am amused.

 

Hi Chi

 

if you have given her reason for suspicion, it sounds like it maybe as a result of your changing feelings. If you want to work through problems you have to be 100% behind making your relationship work, your heart isnt in it. You have a lot of issues to deal with. Can you see yourself being able to give this what it needs?

 

BB

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I think this is huge deal. My boyfriend of a year went snooping through my stuff and found a picture of me and another guy kissing, and falsly accused me of doing it while we were dating. We broke up over his lack of trust for me. He would go through my phone, try to check my emai, go through my stuff while I was at school and he was sleeping at my place. It needs to stop, or the relationship needs to end. End of story.

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  • 1 year later...
Candied-Heart
i knew that would come up . Well...that's not important right now. The fact of the matter is she called it, invading privacy...that's the matter at hand here.

 

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

Even though she was snooping [which is not an attractive quality....]

It's funny to note your avoidance of integral information to benefit your thread, Ie - when you may be doing something wrong and said snooper may have discovered it. Cheeky!

 

Anyways, I agree. This is a big deal, especially to be calling the number she suspects as fishy! :eek:

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  • 6 months later...
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wow this is old...but still worth bumping up for everyone else to see.

 

I'm not with her anymore for other reasons then stated in this thread. I'm at a point if I should move on or fix it. But it's kind of nice to be back on the boards.

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