dcannon Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I recently met a gorgeous young lady. We have friends in common so we've seen each other and chatted a few times already. She has asked me out several times to social events (not dates per se, but with a group). Actually, she asks me to join her for some party or get together every time I see her. A couple of times, I haven't been able to make the date/time. I don't like turning girls down, so I try to soften the blow by saying "I'll try" or "maybe." However, this young gal gets very upset if I don't give an unqualified "yes." As in frowning, pouting, complaining, or borderline tears. She's got a great energy, and she is very attractive, but her insistence on seeing me so often (a couple times a week) without us dating, much less exclusively, is starting to seem like an obligation, and not so much as fun. Also, she's got some male friends who are just plain idiotic. I would rather not elaborate. I'm wondering if I should just drop her from my social circle altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Why lead people on or screw up their plans with a "maybe" or "I'll try"? Just be honest and say no. If she doesn't like it, too bad. I'd be more ticked off with the vagueness though than rejection. It sounds like she might be under the impression that you are dating. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Why lead people on or screw up their plans with a "maybe" or "I'll try"? Just be honest and say no. If she doesn't like it, too bad. I'd be more ticked off with the vagueness though than rejection. It sounds like she might be under the impression that you are dating. Oh blimey I am so with this. Just say I can't go but I could go to x on y day. Stop being wishy washy as that is so annoying. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) It sounds like she might be under the impression that you are dating. The two of us? No, clearly not. She just invites me to whatever party/social event she is going to, and expects me to say yes every time. I'm dating other women, but not her. Also, she frames the questions to elicit guilt: "hey, I drove out here, you can drive out to MY party, can't you?!" Basically, I'm obligated. Edited February 17, 2015 by dcannon Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 However, this young gal gets very upset if I don't give an unqualified "yes." As in frowning, pouting, complaining, or borderline tears. Also, she's got some male friends who are just plain idiotic. I would rather not elaborate. I'm wondering if I should just drop her from my social circle altogether. I think you've answered your own question really. Her mode of expression in not getting her way seems immature and you don't like the company she keeps. If these things are overshadowing her other attributes in your eyes then its time to say goodbye, probably before she gets too attached. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VedderisBetter Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 It wouldn't take much work to stop talking to her if this female friend is imaginary. I'm really hoping this is a real story, but I'm really thinking it's made up lol no offense man. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 You have high class problems but part of them are of your own making. In attempt to be nice you are making things worse. Instead of clearly stating that you are not interested, you are leading this girl on. Stop. You don't have to go so far as to drop out of your social circle but you do need to tell her to stop inviting you to things. Please do so graciously because she clearly likes you & doesn't take rejection well. The next time she asks I'd say something like, Thank you for the invite but like all the other times I will not be attending. I am flattered that you keep asking but at this point I think it would be better if you stopped. I am not interested in any of these events or going further than our presence acquaintance with you. I am sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I recently met a gorgeous young lady. We have friends in common so we've seen each other and chatted a few times already. Also, she's got some male friends who are just plain idiotic. I would rather not elaborate. These male idiotic friends wouldn't be your friends in common would they? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 You have high class problems but part of them are of your own making. In attempt to be nice you are making things worse. Instead of clearly stating that you are not interested, you are leading this girl on. Stop. You don't have to go so far as to drop out of your social circle but you do need to tell her to stop inviting you to things. Please do so graciously because she clearly likes you & doesn't take rejection well. The next time she asks I'd say something like, Thank you for the invite but like all the other times I will not be attending. I am flattered that you keep asking but at this point I think it would be better if you stopped. I am not interested in any of these events or going further than our presence acquaintance with you. I am sorry. This. If she still doesn't listen just say No and avoid her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 You have high class problems but part of them are of your own making. In attempt to be nice you are making things worse. Instead of clearly stating that you are not interested, you are leading this girl on. Stop. You don't have to go so far as to drop out of your social circle but you do need to tell her to stop inviting you to things. Please do so graciously because she clearly likes you & doesn't take rejection well. The next time she asks I'd say something like, Thank you for the invite but like all the other times I will not be attending. I am flattered that you keep asking but at this point I think it would be better if you stopped. I am not interested in any of these events or going further than our presence acquaintance with you. I am sorry. No, I am interested in her. She is very beautiful and has a fun, high energy personality. I do feel a bit pressured to attend her social events, but probably wouldn't if some of her friends (perhaps just one in particular) wasn't always there and didn't annoy me. I'd be happy to ask her out but she has a very specific idea in mind of how she wants things to proceed and gets rather frustrated if things don't go exactly as she plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 I think you've answered your own question really. Her mode of expression in not getting her way seems immature and you don't like the company she keeps. If these things are overshadowing her other attributes in your eyes then its time to say goodbye, probably before she gets too attached. I think part of her insistence most recently was because she was going to a party on valentine's with friends and wanted me there in particular. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Your thread title is plural, who are the others? Does this happen a lot and with many women? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 You obviously like the attention.....so what's the problem? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 All I can tell you is that if you think she's pushy and aggressive now, wait until you date her and then try to break up with her. I'm saying it's a red flag her being that pushy and persistent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Your thread title is plural, who are the others? Does this happen a lot and with many women? It has happened with multiple women, but I wouldn't say it happens A LOT. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 It has happened with multiple women, but I wouldn't say it happens A LOT. So there is always someone around who you don't like who stops you seeing them (on multiple occasions with multiple women) ? What do you have against these folk? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I'm assuming you are one of those guys blessed with either very good looks or money or fame to be getting this kind of treatment from a gorgeous woman. An old flame of mine had so many problems with women throwing themselves at him that he built up a lot of defenses around it, and basically, he had to do the pursuing and would fold up and break camp at the first sign of a woman getting emotional about him or needy because he'd had stalkery women problems his entire young adulthood. So it's not a nonproblem. And it's really no different than if some young lady was on here telling us that a guy was pursuing her relentlessly and never took no for an answer. People who won't take no for an answer can turn into huge problems! So find someone gorgeous who flirts but then waits to see if you're interested. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I recently met a gorgeous young lady. We have friends in common so we've seen each other and chatted a few times already. She has asked me out several times to social events (not dates per se, but with a group). Actually, she asks me to join her for some party or get together every time I see her. A couple of times, I haven't been able to make the date/time. I don't like turning girls down, so I try to soften the blow by saying "I'll try" or "maybe." However, this young gal gets very upset if I don't give an unqualified "yes." As in frowning, pouting, complaining, or borderline tears. She's got a great energy, and she is very attractive, but her insistence on seeing me so often (a couple times a week) without us dating, much less exclusively, is starting to seem like an obligation, and not so much as fun. Also, she's got some male friends who are just plain idiotic. I would rather not elaborate. I'm wondering if I should just drop her from my social circle altogether. If you don't want to be bothered with her, then tell her you are not interested in getting to know her better or to spend time with her and leave her alone. You're not doing anyone any favors by doing what you're doing. You're giving her the impression of one thing when you actually feel differently. Start saying "no" if "no" is what you mean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 OP if you don't want to meet your women, I will meet them for you. Yours truly, Barcode 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I'm being too persnickety. I'm blessed to be having gorgeous women "pestering" me to go to their parties and social events several times a week! Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Honestly you dont sound interested in her. If you were you would go to one of these outings. If you weren't you would tell her you have no interest so stop sucking up the attention and be real with the girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I'm being too persnickety. I'm blessed to be having gorgeous women "pestering" me to go to their parties and social events several times a week! The problem that 90% of the guys on this forum would love to have I feel for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcannon Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 Honestly you dont sound interested in her. If you were you would go to one of these outings. If you weren't you would tell her you have no interest so stop sucking up the attention and be real with the girl. I don't think there's any doubt that this girl is a bit on the eccentric side. I was a bit taken aback the other day. She had invited me a party with a group of mutual friends. I was running, like 5 minutes late, and she called me to make sure I was on my way. When I arrived, she said she loved me, and said that she would stalk me and find me if I didn't love her back? I didn't catch all of what she said, but it was something alone those lines. She seemed to say it as a joke, or something, but I've had a couple of girls make jokes about stalking me. It seems like making such a comment might make the girls seem a little desperate so I'm not quite sure why they'd put themselves out like that for public ridicule. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I recently met a gorgeous young lady. We have friends in common so we've seen each other and chatted a few times already. She has asked me out several times to social events (not dates per se, but with a group). Actually, she asks me to join her for some party or get together every time I see her. A couple of times, I haven't been able to make the date/time. I don't like turning girls down, so I try to soften the blow by saying "I'll try" or "maybe." However, this young gal gets very upset if I don't give an unqualified "yes." As in frowning, pouting, complaining, or borderline tears. She's got a great energy, and she is very attractive, but her insistence on seeing me so often (a couple times a week) without us dating, much less exclusively, is starting to seem like an obligation, and not so much as fun. Also, she's got some male friends who are just plain idiotic. I would rather not elaborate. I'm wondering if I should just drop her from my social circle altogether. The "I don't like turning girls down" and then using "maybe" both sound pretty weak in different ways. The first one sounds like you try too hard to please women, and the second sounds like you're scared to stick to your plans/convictions. But in her case, she sounds like she is immature and way too much drama. You stress that she's young. How young? A teenager in high school? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts