Tuutuu22 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and before he met me he had planned this trip. He's a senior in high school I'm a junior. Its a company called gradcity he is going through and a bunch of seniors from high schools in my county go. I told him I was worried and as usual he calmed me down. He said that a change of scenary isn't going to make him cheat. He said he loves me and that he wouldn't let anything come between us. He also said he is just going down to be with the guys. I borught up the issues of alcahol he said when he drinks he thinks of me even more. I trust him but I have been hurt in the past so no matter what I'm going to be worried. I just don't know if it's even fair or how I should handle the situation and my feelings. I want him to be young and have fun it would be unhealthy if i held him back which I would never do. I just worry about the girls in bikinis obviously any teenage boys eyes are going to wander. Please do not dwell on the fact I am in high school not to worry and I dont know what love is. I'm looking for advice. If you have nothing nice to say please do not comment at all. Thank you:) Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 He actually sounds really nice to take your feelings into consideration and to try to reassure you that he isn't going to cheat on you because he loves you too much. He's not the last guy and you treating this relationship like it's your last relationship is unfair to your boyfriend now. He's not the same guy and what you are doing is what's called baggage. He sounds too nice to treat him that way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 My advice is to stop worrying about it. All the worry in the world isn't going to change what happens down there. The guys will bring back plenty of stories, and they will get around in high school. It won't take long for you to know if he cheats. Until then, why drive yourself nuts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Given that he booked the trip long ago its unfair to force him to cancel. If this Bahamas resort town is a bit renowned to parties, drugs and sex and that was firmly on his mind when he was single and booked and he he was going with a bunch of single mates then I get why that would be a bit worrisome. He can still have a good time though with swimming, scuba diving sunbaking, boozing, being a wingman to his single friends, When it comes to booze it makes both sexes make poor judgment, but it doesn't tend to boost libido in guys like it does with women. Unfortunately you just have to trust your bf. At least a spring break trip is not as bad as having to rely on your gf/bf when they go overseas to study for 6-12 mths to not be tempted like some people here have done. As cpa suggested, young guys have a hard time keeping secrets so there is a good chance you will hear something if something went down. You could end up going out to parties on the weekends while he is away and he would have the same concern over what you might have gotten up to. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 He planned this before he met you. If you trust him you have to trust him when he is arm's length away from you as well as when he's on vacation. If you don't trust him when he's away why are you dating him? Also if you are on him all the time about this & constantly giving him grief at some point he'll think, I'm already in trouble even though I haven't done anything. I might as well do what I am accused of. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Sounds like he has been a good boyfriend he does not deserve your nagging and worries. When a man is good to you you reward him with your trust. Not the type of trust that goes I trust you but.....NO BUT. Give him the I completely trust you have fun. Trusting him while he's back home is no effort for you so it doesn't have much value to go around and say I trust my bf. The real test of trust is when one of you is out of your element and you fully trust them, that's real trust! that's the trust that has a real meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I just worry about the girls in bikinis obviously any teenage boys eyes are going to wander. Yes, but eyes wandering is not a problem. The problem comes when it's hands or other body parts that are wandering. Tell him to go and have fun and that you trust him not to do anything inappropriate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Are you guys serious? Guys only go to spring break parties and locations for one reason. A colleague of mine went last year, he couldn't walk from the number of women throwing themselves at him and he knew this before he went. He hooked up all the time, sometimes more than one in a day. Of course you shouldn't trust your teenage boyfriend around teenage girls like that, they are all going there for one reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Are you guys serious? Guys only go to spring break parties and locations for one reason. A colleague of mine went last year, he couldn't walk from the number of women throwing themselves at him and he knew this before he went. He hooked up all the time, sometimes more than one in a day. Of course you shouldn't trust your teenage boyfriend around teenage girls like that, they are all going there for one reason. You are talking about grown adults. The OP & her BF are in HIGH SCHOOL. Just because somebody looks at another person in a bathing suit or even flirts a little does not make them a cheater. Stop scaring the poor girl. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I actually suspect that in most cases of cheating, it is not pre-meditated but happens regardless. We all like to think we are upstanding partners, kind, compassionate and able to use self control and respect the bonds we have with our partner. But when we are put in situations that lower our inhibitions, and test our will, other things usually happen. I think your boyfriend probably has the best of intentions and probably believes what he is telling you. But when you add together young men, young women, drinking, smoking and general partying, all bets our off. He's going to want to do what his friends and the million of other young men are doing. He's not going to want to miss out on the fun once he is there. To your boyfriend's credit, this trip was planned before he met you. But realistically, people who are serious about respecting their partnerships avoid temptation by not putting themselves in them to begin with. They don't place themselves in the epic center of temptation just they can be teased as an exercise in their self-control, will power and denying themselves pleasure. This even happens with adults who are "mature" 20-30-40 somethings. Think of all the bachelor parties of men just about to get married that they and their friends bang strippers and the likes but just hours before told their partners to "trust them" and they weren't going to do anything wrong. It's easy to speak a good game when you aren't in the actual situation. And we all want to believe the best of ourselves, not the worst. Sorry. This is a bad situation all around. I wouldn't want to be the gf either that took his fun away. The choice has to be his and he is making it. All you can do is hope that he is able to stand by his word. But with a 60%+ cheating rate among men..... I don't think this is a good situation that you're placed in. You're kind of in a loose-loose one. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and before he met me he had planned this trip. He's a senior in high school I'm a junior. Its a company called gradcity he is going through and a bunch of seniors from high schools in my county go. I told him I was worried and as usual he calmed me down. He said that a change of scenary isn't going to make him cheat. He said he loves me and that he wouldn't let anything come between us. He also said he is just going down to be with the guys. I borught up the issues of alcahol he said when he drinks he thinks of me even more. I trust him but I have been hurt in the past so no matter what I'm going to be worried. I just don't know if it's even fair or how I should handle the situation and my feelings. I want him to be young and have fun it would be unhealthy if i held him back which I would never do. I just worry about the girls in bikinis obviously any teenage boys eyes are going to wander. Please do not dwell on the fact I am in high school not to worry and I dont know what love is. I'm looking for advice. If you have nothing nice to say please do not comment at all. Thank you:) If your boyfriend was of the mind to cheat, he'd be doing it right now behind your back. Being in the Bahamas would not make a difference in that. Is there some reason, other than girls in bikinis, that makes you believe he will forget that he's in a relationship with you and go have sex with them? Is his judgement to be questioned if he drinks? How did you two come into each other's lives? Was he with someone else when you got with him? Do you pick guys to be with who are trustworthy, or have they all been guys who have cheated on you? My advice to you is to either trust his word if he's given you no reason to doubt it and quit torturing yourself with scenarios of him cheating on you or end this because making him deal with what past guys has done to you is the fastest way to sink this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Are you guys serious? Guys only go to spring break parties and locations for one reason. A colleague of mine went last year, he couldn't walk from the number of women throwing themselves at him and he knew this before he went. He hooked up all the time, sometimes more than one in a day. Of course you shouldn't trust your teenage boyfriend around teenage girls like that, they are all going there for one reason. Gonna agree with this. To be realistic...we all know why young people go to these vacation spots. I wish OP the best, but I wouldnt be surprised if something not-so-good happened. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best. Live with what you currently know. Worrying helps no one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 C'mon people! We are talking high school here! Minors! They will be supervised. No companies or schools would send a bunch of grade 10 to the Bahamas without a tight supervision. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 C'mon people! We are talking high school here! Minors! They will be supervised. No companies or schools would send a bunch of grade 10 to the Bahamas without a tight supervision. You don't remember being in 10th grade? I do. Man, those tight supervision methods were so fun to find ways around. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Eh, it depends on the program, chaperones might be going with and checking up on the kids daily, but they won't be keeping an eye on their every move throughout the trip. Teens will be teens. He's going on this trip regardless of what you say or how you feel, spending time apart tends to brings out people's true natures - his actions will match his words or they don't. While he's gone, just relax, have fun with your friends and don't mope around waiting for a text or call from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 He planned this vacation before meeting you. Even if he planned it a month into the relationship, he still has a right to be friends, just like you do. I trust him but I have been hurt in the past so no matter what I'm going to be worried. You don't really trust him actually. Admitting you are worried signifies your lack of trust in him. Plus you have been hurt in the past, so you are making your boyfriend do time for the crimes of an ex. It's not fair to him. I suggest you end the relationship and work on rebuilding your trust in men. If you don't, there will always be something you will convince yourself not to trust him on, and the relationship will end in a worst way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tuutuu22 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 If your boyfriend was of the mind to cheat, he'd be doing it right now behind your back. Being in the Bahamas would not make a difference in that. Is there some reason, other than girls in bikinis, that makes you believe he will forget that he's in a relationship with you and go have sex with them? Is his judgement to be questioned if he drinks? How did you two come into each other's lives? Was he with someone else when you got with him? Do you pick guys to be with who are trustworthy, or have they all been guys who have cheated on you? My advice to you is to either trust his word if he's given you no reason to doubt it and quit torturing yourself with scenarios of him cheating on you or end this because making him deal with what past guys has done to you is the fastest way to sink this relationship. I have never been with someone who has cheated on me. He is the best boyfriend I have ever had which is why this scares me so much because I do have something to lose. He wasn't with any one else when I met him. He has never given me a reason not to trust him. I'm just very worried because of the element. I also feel like what if he realizes being in a relationship is limmiting him, he comes back and breaks up with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tuutuu22 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 He planned this vacation before meeting you. Even if he planned it a month into the relationship, he still has a right to be friends, just like you do. You don't really trust him actually. Admitting you are worried signifies your lack of trust in him. Plus you have been hurt in the past, so you are making your boyfriend do time for the crimes of an ex. It's not fair to him. I suggest you end the relationship and work on rebuilding your trust in men. If you don't, there will always be something you will convince yourself not to trust him on, and the relationship will end in a worst way. I don't want to end things with the kid that would hurt me even more. I don't understand how breaking things off with someone would make me gain my trust in men... and I refuse to break up with him we have a great relationship but if the tables were turned he would be worried too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tuutuu22 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 I actually suspect that in most cases of cheating, it is not pre-meditated but happens regardless. We all like to think we are upstanding partners, kind, compassionate and able to use self control and respect the bonds we have with our partner. But when we are put in situations that lower our inhibitions, and test our will, other things usually happen. I think your boyfriend probably has the best of intentions and probably believes what he is telling you. But when you add together young men, young women, drinking, smoking and general partying, all bets our off. He's going to want to do what his friends and the million of other young men are doing. He's not going to want to miss out on the fun once he is there. To your boyfriend's credit, this trip was planned before he met you. But realistically, people who are serious about respecting their partnerships avoid temptation by not putting themselves in them to begin with. They don't place themselves in the epic center of temptation just they can be teased as an exercise in their self-control, will power and denying themselves pleasure. This even happens with adults who are "mature" 20-30-40 somethings. Think of all the bachelor parties of men just about to get married that they and their friends bang strippers and the likes but just hours before told their partners to "trust them" and they weren't going to do anything wrong. It's easy to speak a good game when you aren't in the actual situation. And we all want to believe the best of ourselves, not the worst. Sorry. This is a bad situation all around. I wouldn't want to be the gf either that took his fun away. The choice has to be his and he is making it. All you can do is hope that he is able to stand by his word. But with a 60%+ cheating rate among men..... I don't think this is a good situation that you're placed in. You're kind of in a loose-loose one. This is exactly how I feel, I do have trust in people I love especially him. I also know how people work its a sticky situation. I guess the only thing I can do is hope for the best. The situation is heart breaking. Me worrying is inveitable. Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 If someone is going to cheat they're going to whether you worry or not. Worrying would only possibly make it worse. Just trust and let it go. He's not given you reason not to trust him, so don't judge him by what a guy could potentially do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I know this is off-topic, and looking a little farther over the horizon, but if he's headed to college next year, you would do well to think about whether or not to break up with him at the end of the summer. Pretty much the same issue, except he'll be away for long stretches of time, and there will be a ton more girls. There have to be a million stories on these forums about one person or the other getting their heart broken when the couple can't be together because of college, usually because they never discussed the practical aspects of it, and one person got blindsided. At some point, you're going to want to get ahead of that bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 It's a good thing you're not going with him because no girl should have to witness what goes on a spring break, really. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 It's a good thing you're not going with him because no girl should have to witness what goes on a spring break, really. Did you go on spring break - what did you and your gfs get up to? The crazy spring break I envisage is 18-19 yr olds unsupervised. I initially thought this guy was year end of graduation trip, but a year 10 supervised trip, it wont be as bad as I thought, like they and guys wont be setting boozed. Sure they might smuggle someone stuff back their rooms,but it wont be full on partying. At my year10 trip the sex that went down was with the ones that were couples already ((it wasn't to a tropical location with the girls wearing bikinis much unfortunately and there was no other schools there to meet new girls...that would have been good). Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I have never been with someone who has cheated on me. He is the best boyfriend I have ever had which is why this scares me so much because I do have something to lose. No you don't. If he ends up being a cheater, your "loss" isn't a loss at all. The truth is this is a high risk situation for you. A teenage boy loose in the Bahamas is going to be tempted to do all kinds of crazy things. But it is something outside your control. Telling him he cannot go simply isn't an option... it's his life and his choice to go. All you can do is hope for the best. Think of it this way - if he comes back and HASN'T cheated, then you can feel really good about trusting him, because he isn't going to face temptations like that in every day life. Link to post Share on other sites
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