kaylan Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I usually begin to remove a girl from the "exclusive potential" column when asked about my finances if I barely know her. In my experiences, it would make it obvious to me what she's looking for. By all means, go find a guy to give you those finer things and life, and who can pamper you...but that's not me. The women I grew up around, be they my mother, aunt, best friends mom, etc etc...always had their own jobs and loot. They always seemed to look for a man they connected with first...and money wasnt something they were too concerned with. The men in my life growing up, always taught me to be on the lookout for women who will use you for money, or for women who arent head over heels for me and them partially being with me because of the lifestyle I provided. Ive seen my brother get wiped out by golddiggers in the past...sadly because he started dating later than I did. I started in my teens when many of us have little disposable income that we dont get from our parents. So by the time I got older and had my own money, I was experienced enough to know what to look out for. My brother didnt start dating till his 20s, when he was working full time...and got cleaned the fvk out. So in my head a good woman, hell any respectful person that values privacy, wont ask you how much money you make when they barely know you. It just comes off as invasive and rude. But maybe thats just me. Ive been taught that salary is a private thing, and I usually discuss it with close friends and close family members. Its a turn off when people I barely know are nosey like that...especially a coworker, but especially a woman I was interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I dated a man for a year before we got engaged. The engagement lasted a year before we got married. We celebrated our one-year anniversary over Thanksgiving as I am starting my fourth year being together. I still don't know how much money he makes - and that is a-okay with me... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I don't think I've ever had a girl ask how much money I make. They generally ask what I do which gives them some general ballpark but that's pretty unsophisticated if they go that far into it, and I probably wouldn't answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaylan Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 I dated a man for a year before we got engaged. The engagement lasted a year before we got married. We celebrated our one-year anniversary over Thanksgiving as I am starting my fourth year being together. I still don't know how much money he makes - and that is a-okay with me... The girl Im seeing now almost involuntarily let the cat out of the bag, and I had to hush her up and she was like "oops". I dont even wanna know a girl's finances early on. Im of the mind that you can get a small idea of how much someone makes...but even then its ok if you dont really know. As long as they live within their means and you can still have fun together, then things are good. Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 My parents don't even ask me this question, so, I feel very odd when anyone else does. It's annoying, and I tend to not answer directly, usually will answer with "I'm doing well/okay for myself." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Not one girl I dated ever asked that question of me... If I had been asked I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have told her... Link to post Share on other sites
lovexocoach Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I agree with you - it's private and shouldn't be asked, especially early on in a relationship. If you're in an exclusive relationship for quite a while it probably won't be that big a deal but in the beginning of a relationship, it shouldn't be discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Not one girl I dated ever asked that question of me... that's because you reak of ca$h 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I still don't know how much money he makes - and that is a-okay with me... My wife was kinda the same.. except when it came time to sign the tax returns as well as talk about the wills and financial planning then she got a scope of everything, she is also the trustee of the estates that were created for the child and her so she kinda had to know, since I can't participate in the trusts and she has to purchase all the insurance Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 that's because you reak of ca$h I wouldn't say reek.. but I think I did put forth a look of security and well grounded living... it is kinda hard to hide the business when dating Link to post Share on other sites
orangetree Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I think a woman shouldn't ask you how much you make until you have been in a longterm relationship with her- At least! I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now and I still have never asked him how much he makes. I do know more or less how much he makes, but only because of calculations we did together when considering to buy a house together in the future. I don't care how much a man makes as long as he can provide for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) If someone is asking you in the context of a discussion about your job or career it may have nothing to do with gold digging or wanting you for finances but could be that they're curious about how much a person in your field makes. Doesn't make it any less impolite, but I just wanted to point out that it doesn't necessarily have to be on account of gold digging, they may just have poor social etiquette. That being said I don't ask guys (or anyone) about their income or salary, especially if I barely know them. If I know what they do for a living I can guess if I'm interested in knowing. Otherwise, it's invasive and weird and just doesn't seem like proper etiquette. Finances are relevant and within the context of a relationship it comes up for me as we discuss certain things but this isn't something I ever ask in the early stages of a relationship and isn't something that comes up. My last bf was the first guy I knew his exact salary because we were thinking of moving in at one point so sat down to discuss both of our incomes, how much we brought in and how we could split things as well as he was in the market to purchase a home and I had gone with him to several meetings with realtors where they talked finance so it came up. Otherwise, I didn't know exactly what other boyfriends made and it never came up. I did go out with a man once who used his money as his selling point and constantly talked about how much he made, how much his watch cost, how many cars he had....ewww... I went on one date with him and that was that. Edited January 18, 2015 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 IMO it's very rude for someone you barely know to ask how much you make. They may not necessarily be gold-diggers, but the rudeness and lack of discernment of the action alone would be a huge turn-off to me. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 The only guy I've dated and asked money questions about had a 60k student debt, no job, no assets and was nearing 50yrs old. He seemed overly interested in mine and my families assets and finances. For these reasons I make no apology for asking questions. He had also asked me to marry him, and I was reluctant to inherit a debt. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I think most women ask what you do for a living and then kind of deduce from that approximately what you make. Any woman who is looking for long term and to have kids and all that is going to want to know you're not a contented $7 an hour fry cook at 30. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 The only guy I've dated and asked money questions about had a 60k student debt, no job, no assets and was nearing 50yrs old. He seemed overly interested in mine and my families assets and finances. For these reasons I make no apology for asking questions. He had also asked me to marry him, and I was reluctant to inherit a debt. I don't think anything is wrong with this in the context of a committed relationship where you're considering marriage or combining finances and entwining your lives...it's smart in those situations actually, but as a casual first date question or something you ask off the cuff in getting to know someone, I think that's invasive and unnecessary. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I think most women ask what you do for a living and then kind of deduce from that approximately what you make. Any woman who is looking for long term and to have kids and all that is going to want to know you're not a contented $7 an hour fry cook at 30. indeed, that sounds right Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Just because someone wants to know you're reliable and making a decent living doesn't mean they're a golddigger. A golddigger will ask for gifts and bling and make excuses for you to give her money. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 It makes me feel good if it is early on because they just showed me their true colors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Just because someone wants to know you're reliable and making a decent living doesn't mean they're a golddigger. A golddigger will ask for gifts and bling and make excuses for you to give her money. women look for providers and men look for youth/beauty Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 It's not about gold digging it'a about am I dating someone who can support himself or not! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 It's not about gold digging it'a about am I dating someone who can support himself or not! Why do you need to know the exact amount of $ he makes to know that he can support himself? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I don't think anything is wrong with this in the context of a committed relationship where you're considering marriage or combining finances and entwining your lives...it's smart in those situations actually, but as a casual first date question or something you ask off the cuff in getting to know someone, I think that's invasive and unnecessary. Agreed completely. IMO each others' salary is just something that becomes transparent along the way when two people are committed and serious. There is no need for anyone to ask about the dollar amount when just getting to know someone - that's really tacky IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I never ask anyone how much money they make and they've never asked me. Except when I was engaged and we had to disclose finances to Immigration. It's nobody's business unless you are planning to live together and split expenses or get married. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Eh thats about as tactful as when my bfs sister kept asking me how much I spent on her kids gifts this past xmas. I really dont know whats wrong with some people theses days its like manners and tact have just gone out the window completely! Sure you can ask what they do for a living and anyone with half a brain can get some ball park idea of how much one makes from that long as they are stable and can support themselves thats really all that matters or should anyways.. Link to post Share on other sites
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