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I found an incriminating note....and I'm worried!!!


Sweets1919

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I have been dating a guy since August. He works out of town and on his weeks off he comes to visit me and we spend time together. He came to my house last night and then today he left to go to his hometown for a few days. Well I was tidying up my room and I found a note that I was pretty sure was not mine...it was folded up but I opened it and saw it was to him (addressed "babe") from a girl. As I read it I realized it was from a girl that he had told me he dated earlier this year. As far as I can remember he was still with his longtime girlfriend up until March, but in the note, the girl said that they've "only been together since December" yet she feels so much for him and that she is hoping he will spend Valentines with her and not "Jane" (his longtime gf).

 

My concern is that he had not broken up with Jane (who lives in his hometown...far from this girl as she worked with him far away) by last December and that he was seeing this girl on the side. It makes me fearful that he would do the same thing to me and also disappoints me that he might have done that. This girl even signed the note that she "loves him" so it wasn't just a friendly note.

 

Should I mention this to him at all?? Sure I'm concerned that he'll look down on me for reading the note after I realized it was not mine. But why does he still have it after almost a year? And what if he still was with the gf at the time? When we first started seeing each other he told me that he never cheated on Jane despite their troubled 9 year relationship. He also told me he had slept with a few girls after he and Jane broke up (which as I believed was March/April)....but I'm sure they were together last December/January (or else why would the girl be calling herself "selfish" by saying she wants him with her on Valentines and not with Jane??)

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated. He comes back to see me on Sunday for two days. Should I approach this with him on the phone while he's away? on sunday in person? not at all???

 

Thanks,

 

Sweets

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Ahhh, the "trust or verify" question!

 

This note is just one piece of data - and I wasn't really fully able to follow your argument about how it proved him to be a cheater. Trust is something that grows over time, as you experience a person's behavior and find him/her to be predictably fair and true to his/her word. You've only known him two months, and you have not spent a lot of time together. You don't really have a good baseline to say whether your guesses about cheating are true, and whether or not he is capable of such a thing.

 

You were definitely wrong to read the note. I would just fold it up and put it back where it was. I don't really see any good coming of a confrontation. If he's "guilty", he will likely deny it or accuse you. If he's "innocent", you probably won't believe him anyway.

 

In your shoes, I would just pull back from him on the grounds that he had not yet established enough trustworthiness to make me want to be really close to him. Not saying you have to break up - but just give him more chances to prove he is the man you hope he is before you get in any deeper.

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