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Millionaire Boyfriend


Peggy1000

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Hello,

 

Iv been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months and theres no rush but he has said that he's looking for someone to settle down with and he see's a future with me. We are together nearly every day and he tells me how much he loves me. I have got a 12 y o daughter and they get on really well. He makes her laugh and jokes with her but to me he complains about how he wants more time alone with me and acts like she's an inconvenience. Its confusing because when she's around he acts like he thinks she's great.

 

My boyfriend is a millionaire and regularly talks about how money is no object and he can have whatever he wants. He joke brags to my daughter all the time and tells her how he is going to buy an iphone even though he knows she would love one but cant afford one. He laughs and my daughter takes it in good humour. He pays for us to have nice meals and to go out for drinks. I don't feel he is obliged to pay for anything and always show appreciation.

 

Now its xmas he asked what he should get my daughter, i said he could buy her a gift or give her money. He chose money as it would be easier and she can buy what she wants, he said he'll give her 30 pounds. I was taken aback and I said that i thought he would maybe have given her more. He said he barely knows her and that she has her own dad and that 30 pounds is enough. Money is no object to him so i feel like he is making some kind of point as opposed to anything else. I feel embarrassed to tell my friends and family that they man who says he wants to marry me has only given my daughter 30 pounds at christmas. I'm not a money digger and I dont ask him for anything. I work and I pay my own way. He doesn't offer to help me out much even though he knows i don't have very much money which is fine but then he brags all the time saying he can have what he wants and talks about spending thousands at a time.

 

What do you think?? Am i expecting too much or is he being a bit mean?

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Sorry but the £30 sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Push for more and you'll push him away (and I wouldn't blame him either). You are only dating and all he has said is that he sees a future with you which does not equate to a proposal.

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I would be more annoyed at him flaunting the Iphone thing to my kid more then him only giving them 50 bucks for Xmas he doesn't owe anyone anything if the flaunting of his wealth bothers you as I could understand then break up with him..

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Ruby Slippers

I think you're being ungrateful. £30 is a perfectly reasonable amount for a cash gift (this is almost $50 US), especially given that he doesn't have too much of a relationship with her yet.

 

Why do you need to tell your family and friends how much he gave her? If you must tell them something, tell them he gave her some money, end of story. No one with any taste will ask how much.

 

As for the other issues, if he keeps complaining about wanting more alone time with you, how about you ask him to chip in for a babysitter now and then so you can have more time alone?

 

Bragging about his money and how he can have whatever he wants is off-putting. I've dated guys with money, and they never talk like this. Most of them have been frugal and don't do anything to flash their wealth. They got rich by saving, not spending ;)

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My experiences with friends like the guys RubySlippers has dated align.

 

Regarding the gift, IMO quite appropriate and the only modification I would have made, and did with single mothers I dated, was to go shopping together with mom and select a well-considered gift together, as I find money gifts to be less personal and, in the situation of growing a romantic relationship with the potential of being in the young person's life regularly, growing that aspect as well.

 

Here's a great opportunity for your daughter to write a heartfelt thank you card.

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Thank you for the replies. The issue is more his conduct than the cash amount. I've asked him to stop bragging to her and he just laughs and does not change. I've got more thinking to do. If he wants to offer modest gifts its more than fine but id expect a modest attitude to match :(

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Most self-made millionaires don't have the time to spend with someone everyday, let alone, do they brag about the money they have.

 

But as a counter-point... I can't believe you actually answered his question about what to give her. Usually the correct FIRST answer is: You don't have to give her anything.

 

Sure, you might want a modest gift and a modest attitude, but also have one yourself.

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Ruby Slippers
The issue is more his conduct than the cash amount. I've asked him to stop bragging to her and he just laughs and does not change. I've got more thinking to do. If he wants to offer modest gifts its more than fine but id expect a modest attitude to match :(

Yeah, the bragging and ego stuff is totally not cool. I've never dated a guy who said anything to suggest he was better than me or anybody else because he made more money, had more money to spend, etc. It's bad enough to even joke around about that with anybody, let alone a teenager.

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Thank you for the replies. The issue is more his conduct than the cash amount. I've asked him to stop bragging to her and he just laughs and does not change. I've got more thinking to do. If he wants to offer modest gifts its more than fine but id expect a modest attitude to match :(

 

If this concerns you so much then break up with him.

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I understand where youre coming from, I think other posters are missing the point. It's the 30 pounds combined with bragging. Yes, I would be a little offended. If it was a thoughtful gift that cost 30 pounds that would be different.

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£30 does seem a generous amount and I wouldn't quibble with that. I don't like the way this guy brags though, to the daughter, that he will buy her something then, when he gets the opportunity, does something different. I can see why this would seem a bit off. It's not about the money itself, more about how he appears to be giving then taking away. Yes, I would feel odd about that myself.

 

I don't like guys who brag about their incomes. There is no need to. I know people who are pretty well off and you would never know. They are kind and generous people who share their homes and their time. It's just their nature. Your guy seems like he is whining a bit that he's not getting your time. While I wouldn't quibble over the gift, I think the boasting that came before it would jar.

 

I think I'd want to know what this guy's intentions really were. Are what he is saying and what he is doing adding up across the board? Talk is cheap.

Edited by spiderowl
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You don't have to break up with him. Just set some boundaries regarding the discussion of money. Discuss that you find inappropriate that he flaunts/brags about it. See how he responds and if he knocks it off.

 

If it continues then consider dumping him.

 

Bragging and flaunting even in a sarcastic manner is a major indictator if inseurity and self esteem issues. Both being insecure and having low self esteem are major red flags that can cause a lot of problems.

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You don't have to break up with him. Just set some boundaries regarding the discussion of money. Discuss that you find inappropriate that he flaunts/brags about it. See how he responds and if he knocks it off.

 

If it continues then consider dumping him.

 

Bragging and flaunting even in a sarcastic manner is a major indictator if inseurity and self esteem issues. Both being insecure and having low self esteem are major red flags that can cause a lot of problems.

 

I agree with this, though having said that, there is one guy I know who was born to brag. He's done it ever since I've known him. He can't seem to help it. If I tell him not to, he goes all bashful and apologises. It seems to be something he's impelled to do and he doesn't realise how it comes across. Sadly, perhaps because of this - I don't know - he hasn't sustained any long-term relationships.

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I had a millionaire friend (just friend) when I studied. His biggest paranoia was that women just want to use him for his money and like him for his money. Yet, he could not keep his mouth shut about anything, his awesome car, his wealth... even when he tried. Its like some compulsion. He was friends with me and trusted me because I never let him pay anything, not even a cup of tea for me.

 

 

Maybe your boyfriend is trying to see what are you all about before showering you and your daughter with any expensive presents. Besides, 50 dollars for 12 year old from a guy her mom is seeing for six month is a decent amount of money.

 

 

Diezel was right, you should have said that no presents are needed. If he insisted then tell him that anything is ok as long as it is from him. You do seem a bit materialistic yourself. If he is looking for someone to love him for him, even if he loses all his money, would you fit that profile?

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30$ to me is a weeks worth of food for me and my child....

 

A 12 year old is likely to spend it on snacks and candy anyway

 

When I get 30$ in a card from my family im ecstatic.

 

Perhaps hes spoiled you both a little too much? So now your expectations are too high.

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30$ to me is a weeks worth of food for me and my child....

 

A 12 year old is likely to spend it on snacks and candy anyway

 

When I get 30$ in a card from my family im ecstatic.

 

Perhaps hes spoiled you both a little too much? So now your expectations are too high.

Its actually 30 pounds equivalent to around 50 bucks US at the moment...but yeah agreed its a appropriate amount for a childs gift given the situation imo as well..

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Its actually 30 pounds equivalent to around 50 bucks US at the moment...but yeah agreed its a appropriate amount for a childs gift given the situation imo as well..

 

Yes I read that in other posts

 

Going off what OP states, I don't live in America nor does OP

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Yeah, the bragging and ego stuff is totally not cool.

 

Here's the quintessential issue... she didn't mind the bragging and the ego stuff while he is out wining and dining her.

 

She minded as soon as she deemed the present as "not enough".

 

That says a lot about the too of them.

That's when the bragging and ego stuff was "no longer cool".

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Since he has been interacting with the child for months and has a a friendly type of relationship with her, a gift is appropriate. If he asked what he should give her, I think "anything you decide to give her I am sure will be appreciated" is an appropriate response. So giving her $50 is appropriate. It's a Christmas gift. I know people are more fixated on the gifts than the deeper meaning but you don't have to end relationships over gifts.

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Sorry but the £30 sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Push for more and you'll push him away (and I wouldn't blame him either). You are only dating and all he has said is that he sees a future with you which does not equate to a proposal.

 

Yup, just get used to it. People with that kind of money who boast about it to make themselves feel better only to hand out small potatoes to the people they claim they want to spend their life with can do just that. And why? Because they can. Money is no object to him but you obviously are.

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There's a significant chance that he's afraid you are a gold digger, probably not because of anything about you personally, but because it seems to be a somewhat common fear of wealthier men, that a woman will pretend to love them just to get in their wallet. So therefore there is also a significant chance that he's trying to 'test' you repeatedly by flaunting/bragging regarding his wealth and then not spending too much on you or your kid, and then observing you closely for signs of upset. Unfortunately this also makes him come across as kind of douchey (re: the phone thing, anyway), but his fear is very reasonable. If you really like him then just let it slide, in my opinion, as chances are he is not trying to be a douche but is just trying to protect himself.

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Personally I think the way he's saying he's annoyed by your kid then laughs and jokes with her about what he has is just him being a predator but making you believe he's really into you.

 

He's going to use presents as a way of getting her to do things with him and you'll let him since he planted the seed in your head that he thinks she's annoying.

 

I'd be careful if I were you.

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