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I don't understand her


h20-50

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She INEVER INITIATES a call or text

 

Background: One month, 2 dates. Both were amazing and she stated as well. Always attentive, never checks her phone, flirtatious, all the signs are there that she is interested....plays with hair, mimics my movements, conversations flows and is natural, constant eye contact and smiles, always accepted my dates at my times and venues. Kissed her on the second date and nothing more. Always accepts my calls and if she can't texts that she will call back at a certain time and does. Responds to my messages but never immediately, sometimes hours later sometimes 30 minutes later. Texts aren't short and ambiguous and neither are mine.

 

I've made it clear that I'm interested without coming directly out and telling her directly. I don't play games, am sincere and genuine. I only call or text 2-3 times a week at most, and never text back until she texts me. Phone calls last an hour to 1.5 hours and are full of joking and playfulness. I'm a successful man with a great career as well as her career. I don't understand why she can never initiate at least ONE text or call to let me know that she is thinking of me. Guys want to know were wanted too ladies. I get playing hard to get and being chased, I'm all for that but do not feel that I should be carrying ALL efforts.

 

What do I do here? It's confusing, dates would tell me she is DEF interested but in between she disappears as if I don't exist. I've never dated a girl that didn't chase me as well, even just a tad bit just to let me know she feels the same. Any advice would be appreciated here.

 

Also, I prefer to call instead of text. I want her to know I'm here for the right reason so I put forth the right effort and call. Only text when I'm busy or can't call at the moment. Me 33m her 27f, no kids, professional individuals.

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Thanks for the advice guys. I'll hold off on making contact and see what happens. I really hate playing these games and it's actually making me lose a lot of respect for her playing them.

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It's been TWO dates. Show her that you can lead the relationship. I don't get this insistence in the last few years from men that they need women to call first or text first. You're the same guys who later on in the relationship are complaining that your girlfriends are always calling/texting and checking in on you.

 

I'd rather have that hour conversation over the phone than have my phone ravaged by texts anyday.

 

Again, it's been TWO dates. There is no game playing involved here. If it were 10 dates in and this still persists, I can see where you had some foundation for complaint, but at two dates in, you are two dates from being a total stranger.

 

If she's responsive WHILE she's with you or talking with you, what's the big deal. Want to know how a quick and easy method to measure if she "wants you"... she picks up the phone and talks & she goes out on dates with you. VOILA. See how simple that was?

 

Stop overthinking this. If it's working, why would you change what you are doing in order to play games?

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The more you text her, in other words the more you chase her, the more you will push her away. Like mentioned above, getting attached after just two dates is a huge turn off. Why? Because the woman will feel as if you have no one else. And when they think that, they also think there's a reason for that (and probably, the reason is you).

 

On the contrary, if you show you don't need her (not saying to show her you don't care about her), then your attraction will increase a lot. She thinks you don't require her to fulfill your needs because you have plenty of women available anyway. And this my friend is a HUGE turn-on!! Take away a kid's toy they've never played with and you're guaranteed they will want to play with it.

 

Same with women. They want to have what other women have. And that's you, a total badass!

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It's been TWO dates. Show her that you can lead the relationship. I don't get this insistence in the last few years from men that they need women to call first or text first. You're the same guys who later on in the relationship are complaining that your girlfriends are always calling/texting and checking in on you.

 

I'd rather have that hour conversation over the phone than have my phone ravaged by texts anyday.

 

Again, it's been TWO dates. There is no game playing involved here. If it were 10 dates in and this still persists, I can see where you had some foundation for complaint, but at two dates in, you are two dates from being a total stranger.

 

If she's responsive WHILE she's with you or talking with you, what's the big deal. Want to know how a quick and easy method to measure if she "wants you"... she picks up the phone and talks & she goes out on dates with you. VOILA. See how simple that was?

 

Stop overthinking this. If it's working, why would you change what you are doing in order to play games?

 

I get what you're saying and agree with some points you have made. However as the guy, spending the money, planning all the dates, ensuring she is having a good time, making all the contact, setting all the times, and carrying the dating isn't as easy as you girl showing up and gracing us with your presence. I don't EXPECT her to call or text first, but never once had she done it. As a guy that is FUGGIN confusing and tells us you're not really that interested. I get the chasing and girls wanting to know we are there for the right reason, I do, but guys want to know our efforts aren't in vain. I think one little random text or call is not too much to ask for and it would go a long with with the guy, especially when we put forth so much effort to show you a good time and treat you respectfully. A little, and i mean slightest effort on your part other than just simply gracing us with your presence is not too much to ask for.

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The more you text her, in other words the more you chase her, the more you will push her away. Like mentioned above, getting attached after just two dates is a huge turn off. Why? Because the woman will feel as if you have no one else. And when they think that, they also think there's a reason for that (and probably, the reason is you).

 

On the contrary, if you show you don't need her (not saying to show her you don't care about her), then your attraction will increase a lot. She thinks you don't require her to fulfill your needs because you have plenty of women available anyway. And this my friend is a HUGE turn-on!! Take away a kid's toy they've never played with and you're guaranteed they will want to play with it.

 

Same with women. They want to have what other women have. And that's you, a total badass!

IM not attached and didn't come off as desperate at all just interested, I made sure of that but by no means overbearing. I Only contact 2-3 times a week TOPS and never contact unless she responds to my initial call or text.

 

Say I did somehow come across the wrong way, how do I reel this one back in at this point? What is my next move here to get back on track? I've been out of the dating game for a while so I'm quite rusty with my skills. Any advice is appreciated. I like this one truly and would like to see it go somewhere.

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Two dates in one month? Why haven't you seen each other a lot more frequently? If the frequency were set by you, in her shoes, I would think you weren't that interested...and were maybe spending your time elsewhere, especially since you communicate so infrequently.

 

You're being blase about dating her, and she's simply matching you. Like it or not, the guy sets the tone and pace early on in dating. Your behavior says not enthused.

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She INEVER INITIATES a call or text

 

Background: One month, 2 dates. Both were amazing and she stated as well. Always attentive, never checks her phone, flirtatious, all the signs are there that she is interested....plays with hair, mimics my movements, conversations flows and is natural, constant eye contact and smiles, always accepted my dates at my times and venues. Kissed her on the second date and nothing more. Always accepts my calls and if she can't texts that she will call back at a certain time and does. Responds to my messages but never immediately, sometimes hours later sometimes 30 minutes later. Texts aren't short and ambiguous and neither are mine.

 

I've made it clear that I'm interested without coming directly out and telling her directly. I don't play games, am sincere and genuine. I only call or text 2-3 times a week at most, and never text back until she texts me. Phone calls last an hour to 1.5 hours and are full of joking and playfulness. I'm a successful man with a great career as well as her career. I don't understand why she can never initiate at least ONE text or call to let me know that she is thinking of me. Guys want to know were wanted too ladies. I get playing hard to get and being chased, I'm all for that but do not feel that I should be carrying ALL efforts.

 

What do I do here? It's confusing, dates would tell me she is DEF interested but in between she disappears as if I don't exist. I've never dated a girl that didn't chase me as well, even just a tad bit just to let me know she feels the same. Any advice would be appreciated here.

 

Also, I prefer to call instead of text. I want her to know I'm here for the right reason so I put forth the right effort and call. Only text when I'm busy or can't call at the moment. Me 33m her 27f, no kids, professional individuals.

 

It's only been a month. She is likely more traditional in allowing the man to initiate in the very beginning. She has been receptive on every level, so for now, I'd continue the flow that you have going now. You could let her know that it's OK with you if she wants to text or call you and that you'd appreciate it. She may be worried about interrupting something or bothering you at work or something like that because she doesn't know your schedule.

 

But, I'd say, after a another month and she starts feeling a little more comfortable, she will start initiating some. If she is traditional, the ratio will be something like for every two or three times that you initiate, she will initiate once and it will gradually increase on her side.

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Two dates in one month? Why haven't you seen each other a lot more frequently? If the frequency were set by you, in her shoes, I would think you weren't that interested...and were maybe spending your time elsewhere, especially since you communicate so infrequently.

 

You're being blase about dating her, and she's simply matching you. Like it or not, the guy sets the tone and pace early on in dating. Your behavior says not enthused.

 

It's hard with her job and mine. We both are working long hours and I just started working a night shift for a while.

 

Huge double standard in your statement. I mostly call, rarely text 2-3 times a week, and was only able to schedule two dates because of our schedules so she thinks I'm not interested but yet as the girl, you never initiate a call or text and we as guys are supposed to believe you're interested? This is why I hate games, it's confusing and childish. I've done my best to schedule dates, stay in contact and let her know I'm interested, that I feel very confident in.

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I did send her a text yesterday at the time in knew she would wake up and didn't hear back at all so this whole thing has got me suspicious.:mad:

 

Trust me, I'm doing my best with our schedules and not wanting to come off as overbearing or desperate which I'm truly not but I really do like her. Now I'm more confused than ever, this is the first time I have not heard back at all. With Christmas around the corner I'm not sure what my move is here. :(

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I get what you're saying and agree with some points you have made. However as the guy, spending the money, planning all the dates, ensuring she is having a good time, making all the contact, setting all the times, and carrying the dating isn't as easy as you girl showing up and gracing us with your presence. I don't EXPECT her to call or text first, but never once had she done it. As a guy that is FUGGIN confusing and tells us you're not really that interested. I get the chasing and girls wanting to know we are there for the right reason, I do, but guys want to know our efforts aren't in vain. I think one little random text or call is not too much to ask for and it would go a long with with the guy, especially when we put forth so much effort to show you a good time and treat you respectfully. A little, and i mean slightest effort on your part other than just simply gracing us with your presence is not too much to ask for.

 

As a guy, myself, it is NOT confusing.

 

If she shows up, I assume interest.

If she answers the phone, I assume interest.

 

I always assume interest unless it's overly blatant that they aren't. If one text/call really makes THAT much of a difference to you, then this girl isn't for you.

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It's hard with her job and mine. We both are working long hours and I just started working a night shift for a while.

 

Huge double standard in your statement. I mostly call, rarely text 2-3 times a week, and was only able to schedule two dates because of our schedules so she thinks I'm not interested but yet as the girl, you never initiate a call or text and we as guys are supposed to believe you're interested? This is why I hate games, it's confusing and childish. I've done my best to schedule dates, stay in contact and let her know I'm interested, that I feel very confident in.

 

I am not particularly averse to calling or texting, but have rarely needed to do so, because the guy calls 1-2x/day and texts...even before the first date. Guys I attract tend to pursue very hard. They're confident in themselves and clear about what they want, and they just go for it (as they do for things in other parts of their personal and professional lives). It's not a game. It's basic normal human interaction and communication. If I weren't interested, I would let him know...nicely but clearly.

 

Sorry, I don't see "busy" as an excuse. Everyone I've dated works 80-100 hours per week, as do I. I travel extensively almost every week. Many of the guys do as well. Yet we still manage to see each other a couple of times a week, minimum. When you want something, you find a way to make it happen.

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I did send her a text yesterday at the time in knew she would wake up and didn't hear back at all so this whole thing has got me suspicious.:mad:

 

Trust me, I'm doing my best with our schedules and not wanting to come off as overbearing or desperate which I'm truly not but I really do like her. Now I'm more confused than ever, this is the first time I have not heard back at all. With Christmas around the corner I'm not sure what my move is here. :(

 

Rarely texts don't go through. I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Give it a couple of days. You can call her on Christmas to wish her a happy holiday. If you get voice mail, leave a message and wait until she contacts you.

 

Again, you didn't really answer why you've only had two dates in a month. Why is the frequency so low? I'm not asking to be nosy, I'm asking to gain some insight into your dynamics so that I provide the most relevant advice.

 

Since you like her, I hope things work out.

Edited by angel.eyes
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I am not particularly averse to calling or texting, but have rarely needed to do so, because the guy calls 1-2x/day and texts...even before the first date. Guys I attract tend to pursue very hard. They're confident in themselves and clear about what they want, and they just go for it (as they do for things in other parts of their personal and professional lives). It's not a game. It's basic normal human interaction and communication. If I weren't interested, I would let him know...nicely but clearly.

 

Sorry, I don't see "busy" as an excuse. Everyone I've dated works 80-100 hours per week, as do I. I travel extensively almost every week. Many of the guys do as well. Yet we still manage to see each other a couple of times a week, minimum. When you want something, you find a way to make it happen.

 

Are you suggesting it's ok to call everyday after two dates in a month? Honestly I would have no problem with that but it seems to scream desperate. Maybe I am just out of touch. I was in a LTR so I'm just getting my feet wet again. Trial by fire I guess!

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Rarely texts don't go through. I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Give it a couple of days. You can call her on Christmas to wish her a happy holiday. If you get voice mail, leave a message and wait until she contacts you.

 

Again, you didn't really answer why you've only had two dates in a month. Why is the frequency so low? I'm not asking to be nosy, I'm asking to gain some insight into your dynamics so that I provide the most relevant advice.

 

Since you like her, I hope things work out.

 

Frequency becuase she had an engagement out of town the first week, we got together the second weekend and following weekend, I had an engagement this past weekend and this weekend due to holiday traveling. We both work 12 hour shifts and I work nights and she works days.

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Are you suggesting it's ok to call everyday after two dates in a month? Honestly I would have no problem with that but it seems to scream desperate. Maybe I am just out of touch. I was in a LTR so I'm just getting my feet wet again. Trial by fire I guess!

 

If she's interested and responds well, why is it desperate?:confused:

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Frequency becuase she had an engagement out of town the first week, we got together the second weekend and following weekend, I had an engagement this past weekend and this weekend due to holiday traveling. We both work 12 hour shifts and I work nights and she works days.

 

If things work out, how do you see things playing out? How do you expect to progress things?

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OP, I do hope you hear from her. Is she traveling out of town for the holidays?

 

One thing I'd suggest, and that others have mentioned, is that she's been conditioned, as a woman, to let the guy do all the initiating up front. Yes, the rules of modern dating are murky, but by and large (and for better or worse), women still stick to this. She might think initiating contact with you will make her seem chasing or clingy or desperate.

 

I agree with you that it's not fair to guys, so to combat this, I'd say your best bet is just to tell her that you'd like it if she initiated a little bit, and then be responsive when she does, to show her that it's "safe" to do. I didn't initiate with my guy until after our third date, and even then it felt a little weird.

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I think you ladies are right. I was to concerned about trying to portray the "not desperate or clingy guy" that I lost touch with who I am. I dont see talking almost everyday as being desperate or clingy, I think desperate or clingy comes through more so in what is said and if I were to call 20 times a day. I didn't read the signs right. If I call she texts and says she will call back, she wants me to call not text (which I do 80% call of the time). I will call this after noon and tomorrow and when ever I want to talk to her and make her feel wanted,pursued and appreciated regardless of time intervals. I'm not a child and don't like these games and if being honest and forward and calling more than "dating rules" stipulates than she probably isn't for me. Wish me luck, thanks for the advice and I'll keep this updated.

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