How do I stop feeling like I'm ALWAYS right during a fight?

[Laura121]

I always tend to believe my opinion about everything is right, and my significant other has no right to make any sort of decision if it’s against my will. I have a difficult time admitting I am wrong and more often than not it’s because I hardly ever feel like I do anything wrong to begin with anyway. No matter what the situation, I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong.

 

 

Sometimes I feel like I HAVE to apologize to make things better, but deep down I don’t even feel like I’ve done anything wrong. I always find a justification for my actions and it makes sense to me in my head, and fail to understand why my boyfriend doesn’t see things the same way.

When I do apologize, I always feel a victim to the situation and withdraw from the conversation or situation.

 

I am aware of the fact that my behavior is problematic and is causing major problems in my relationship. (Not to say my boyfriend doesn’t have any issues himself) But before I attempt to fix him, I really want to get a hold of myself. In every long-term relationship I’ve been in, I’m constantly told how “I always want everything done my way, I don’t compromise, I have no tolerance etc etc.”

 

 

How do I stop feeling like I’m always right?

[d0nnivain]

First remember that there may be more than one right answer.

 

For example, yesterday DH & I went to a party. We got there & he stood in the dining room, not doing much. I helped the hostess, greeted people, directed traffic etc. DH was being quiet. I went to the living room. A while later he came over & sat with me on the couch but he wasn't talking to me or anybody else. I got up to get another drink. When I came back he was reading the news on his phone. I rolled my eyes, waved him off & announced I was going in the other room because he was committing a "party foul." Everyone laughed & went back to watching the Jets game while I flounced off. I didn't talk to DH for another hour until he got up to be social. Yea we could have a had a big fight about it, because I honestly think he was rude. Then again, he just didn't want to socialize so he didn't. That was his choice. What good would do anyone for me to insist that I was right?

[Andy_K]

Empathy.

 

Stop thinking of it as whether or not your opinion is valid, and start thinking about the other person's viewpoint instead. Hard to be more specific without some examples, but it sounds very much like you focus only on how you feel or what you want. Before you have a fight, ask yourself if your boyfriend was really being unreasonable, or you're just angry because things didn't go how you wanted them to.

[GorillaTheater]

In my case, I got over it through a combination of picking and choosing my battles more carefully, and being wrong a lot.

[Redhead14]

I always tend to believe my opinion about everything is right, and my significant other has no right to make any sort of decision if it’s against my will. I have a difficult time admitting I am wrong and more often than not it’s because I hardly ever feel like I do anything wrong to begin with anyway. No matter what the situation, I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong.

 

 

Sometimes I feel like I HAVE to apologize to make things better, but deep down I don’t even feel like I’ve done anything wrong. I always find a justification for my actions and it makes sense to me in my head, and fail to understand why my boyfriend doesn’t see things the same way.

When I do apologize, I always feel a victim to the situation and withdraw from the conversation or situation.

 

I am aware of the fact that my behavior is problematic and is causing major problems in my relationship. (Not to say my boyfriend doesn’t have any issues himself) But before I attempt to fix him, I really want to get a hold of myself. In every long-term relationship I’ve been in, I’m constantly told how “I always want everything done my way, I don’t compromise, I have no tolerance etc etc.”

 

 

How do I stop feeling like I’m always right?

 

First of all, you are correct in your thinking that you need to get a hold of yourself before "fixing" him. In addition, you are totally incorrect in thinking you need to fix him. You cannot fix him. If he needs fixing, he has to want to and do it himself.

 

The always right thinking you describe is an issue of the ego. Do you have any history of emotional abuse and/or a situation where someone has taken away your control or imposed something on you that you were unable to control? It may be something you don't readily recall, but if you seek counseling, may come to light. This kind of thinking is a common defense mechanism and usually rooted somewhere deep in the person.