accident_prone Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 girl i'm dating once a week or so texts me earlier at work to say hi and they were having a christmas party and i wished them luck and she said "go look on facebook and see how cute i look" so i look and tell her "you look alright i guess " CLEARLY joking and she responds "bye good night" i texted a bit later "of course you know i was joking and yes you look wonderful tonight" and sent a link to a youtube vid of clapton playing 'wonderful tonight' as i thought that was a nice touch. how should i handle this when she knows i was kidding and of course she looks good. this is lame and i dont even know if this girl is even serious about me. we've been dating for about 6-7 weeks and things started great and then we got super busy and things felt a little distant and she's been acting hot and cold lately aside from a really great night together on weds after not seeing each other for over a week. i like her alot but i am not trying to play these games. advice? thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenUpAndShaken Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Hey, mate. I would just be here voicing my opinions about this. And here it is. First off, try to really ask her if she's mad. And if she really loved you or something, she wouldn't just be mad over that silly text because the two of you were clearly just joking. And in my opinion, she's the one who also initiated the joke saying for you to go to Facebook and look at how cute she looks. So yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 My guess is that she just wants to be wanted, even went out on a limb and made it kind of obvious. Have you given her any compliments on her appearance without her having to fish for it, over the past 6-7 weeks? But you weren't a douche or anything, just kind of fumbled that interaction a bit. It happens. If she's mature she'll chill and come around shortly. I do find it interesting, though, that you were able to interpret a lot of meaning from "bye goodnight". Like you knew that (A) she was miffed and (B) why she was miffed. If that's the case, then deep down did you know that saying "you look alright I guess" would deflate her? And if so then why did you do that? And if you know that "bye goodnight" is her being passive-aggressive, then I am guessing she responds that way typically when she's upset? Maybe the two of you need to back it up a bit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 i have certainly complimented her danda with any fishing necessary. i guess i fumbled it but no i would never say anything to deflate someone. i thought she'd clearly understand i was joking. but that was 2 hours ago and now and i havent heard a word. it just frustrates me i guess. i would say, to my knowledge, this is the first that i've "upset" her, assuming she is mad. you are wise and i appreciate your response. as i said, i really like this girl but i dont know where i stand with her. these past few weeks have been confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Just set up another date and don't even bring up this incident. Hot and cold has it's own set of problems that are a lot more important than just jokingly texting her something about her FB pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 how would i set up another date if she stays silent. and the hot and cold thing may not even be there. it may just be how she is. i cant tell. in person, the few times that we are, we get along wonderfully and have a great time, but outside of our dates, theres not much interaction, which happens sometimes i know even if things are good. so the whole thing is a bit frustrating and confusing and i'm trying to avoid any 'serious talks." Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Here's the problem with texting: Sarcasm NEVER comes across well. Send her flowers and apologize. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Here's the problem with texting: Sarcasm NEVER comes across well. Send her flowers and apologize. agreed and agreed.... and don't neg a girl you are dating.. only compliments... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 also agreed. we have joked before in a similar manner but it didnt upset her. so idk. i dont even know if this girl is that into me and i sometimes i feel like i'm wasting my time. like, by this point, shouldnt she want to see me more than once a week? i'm feeling deflated by this cause things started out strong and great and now over the past 2 weeks, i cant tell whats up. Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Once a week...it's very possible she's seeing other people? I wouldn't have time for the hot and cold stuff personally. Too much game playing and/or instability. And most likely a sign she's not that interested or you're just a back up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 she very possibly could be just like i could be, but i'm not. it hasn't come up. i dont see how she would have the time cause she just works every day but who knows. i'm not asking her to commit all her time nor would i expect it but this behavior is coming from the same girl who just a few weeks ago was talking about how different i am and how glad she is to have met me and the universe does things for a reason, etc etc. those things were seeming like precursors to her wanting something serious or potentially serious. and i havent been overly eager or clingy, i have just asked her to hangout once or twice a week and it was working up until 2 weeks ago when we both got so busy with thanksgiving, work, finals, etc. so again, i dont know whats up. but i trying to avoid asking her and risking being more into this than she is. CONFUSING it is Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 girl i'm dating once a week or so texts me earlier at work to say hi and they were having a christmas party and i wished them luck and she said "go look on facebook and see how cute i look" so i look and tell her "you look alright i guess " CLEARLY joking and she responds Forget flowers. Am I the only one who groaned when I read "Go look on Facebook and see how cute I look"? Seriously? She was fishing. The worst thing you could have done was try to explain yourself after. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Forget flowers. Am I the only one who groaned when I read "Go look on Facebook and see how cute I look"? Seriously? She was fishing. The worst thing you could have done was try to explain yourself after. Agreed... it was just banter, OP, if she liked you, she wouldn't have flipped out like that. Or whatever it was she did, she was passive aggressive which is even worse I guess. Instead of telling you how it made her feel, she did the whole 'fine. Bye' teenage crap. I wouldn't have taken what you said as an insult or a neg, just light hearted flirting. If someone has been showing consistent interest in me and I was gauche enough to ask them to go look at my photo and pay me a compliment, then what you said is about one of the nicest things I would expect in return. Saying 'you look alright, I guess ' is quite blatantly flirty and a compliment. Negging, or being nasty, would have been 'wow, you actually wore that out? Brave girl!' or 'you look terrible' or 'I think I saw that dress the other day... on someone's Grandma'. Don't beat yourself up, the fact that she's showing less and less interest tells me she's not into you, maybe she was at first but she's lost interest. DO NOT go sending her flowers over something like that, you already made yourself look like a weak doormat by buying into her flounce and telling her 'I'm so sorry, you look amazing really, here's a love song' when you should have brushed it off and been glad you saw her narcissistic and childish true colours early on rather than after you got together properly. Back off and see if she comes to you to hang out, go on dates etc. she probably won't, or if she does it will be because she's missing the attention. But there's nothing you can do to spark up someone's interest once they've lost it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 absolutely agreed and i may have not been clear. i certainly didn't apologize that way. i said she could see i was clearly joking and send the Clapton thing also as a joke not to profess my love. but I can see how that may be taken otherwise. point is, ive still not heard from her so i won't reach out again. that's for sure. I'm certainly tired of these wishy washy types though. I'd understand the change in dynamics if my behavior had changed but it hasn't. so I'm not taking it personally. and of course I'm not sending flowers. the idea of that in an apologetic manner is cringe-inducing. thanks for your input though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 so of course she just texted me while i'm work and didn't mention it at all and just said "thanks for the have a nice night text." And how hungover she is. she keeps reaching out every couple days lately and doesn't seem totally disinterested but at the same time doesn't seem wildly interested. so again i have no clue and this is why i don't date seriously very often. haha. i still think I'm going to just hang back and not initiate conversation for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Women do this all the time for reassurance. I'm a tomboy and could care less about this crap, but by golly I hear it in the office everyday amongst the female coworkers. You never joke about this ever. Just let it go but don't do it again lol. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Texting is a horrible way to joke with someone whom you're dating. It *never* works. Stop doing that. Apologize to her in person (not via text that would be a douche bag move), and compliment her in person. The more threads there are like this one, the more I believe true romance is either dying or completely dead, the way text messaging is used for communication in dating. Phone companies won't even let you buy a phone without purchasing a media package for text / email / internet. Whatever happened to just using a phone as a phone? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 girl i'm dating once a week or so texts me earlier at work to say hi and they were having a christmas party and i wished them luck and she said "go look on facebook and see how cute i look" so i look and tell her "you look alright i guess " CLEARLY joking and she responds "bye good night" i texted a bit later "of course you know i was joking and yes you look wonderful tonight" and sent a link to a youtube vid of clapton playing 'wonderful tonight' as i thought that was a nice touch. how should i handle this when she knows i was kidding and of course she looks good. this is lame and i dont even know if this girl is even serious about me. we've been dating for about 6-7 weeks and things started great and then we got super busy and things felt a little distant and she's been acting hot and cold lately aside from a really great night together on weds after not seeing each other for over a week. i like her alot but i am not trying to play these games. advice? thanks in advance! Words can be taken out of context way too easily through text, where as if you'd said that to her face to face it would have come off as a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Texting is a horrible way to joke with someone whom you're dating. It *never* works. Stop doing that. Apologize to her in person (not via text that would be a douche bag move), and compliment her in person. The more threads there are like this one, the more I believe true romance is either dying or completely dead, the way text messaging is used for communication in dating. Phone companies won't even let you buy a phone without purchasing a media package for text / email / internet. Whatever happened to just using a phone as a phone? I didn't have a phone with a touchscreen until almost a year ago, so while it was capable of texting, it would have just taken way too long to get even one sentence down. When I'd make new friends or have a guy seem potentially interested, and the topic of numbers would come up, they'd ask me for my number so they "could text" me. I'd explain that I didn't have texting on my phone (and even show it to them, to show it was an oldschool cell phone and that I wasn't awkwardly turning them down). In the vast majority of cases they would either never call, or they would actually do some version of, "Oh, okay nevermind," and not even want my number anymore! I finally got a new phone just because not texting was actually crippling my social life, apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 You've past the age of pulling girl's hair to tease them. Don't make jokes like that after 7 weeks dating or 7 years marriage. Reminds me when I made a new recipe and asked my ex-husband if he liked it and as a 'joke' he'd answer 'meh I had better'. It was a joke alright but it was cruel and a missed opportunity to be nice toward me. Interesting how males on here are advising you to drop it and the ladies are advising you to apologize. I add my voice to the ladies, tell her you are very sorry it was an insensitive joke. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 Exactly why you should listen to the guys. Women react to how THEY would feel. Men tell you as a whole. Sorry, but if a woman is fishing THAT hard for a reaction, she is upset because your answer didn't fall in line with her expectation. That's her problem, not yours. Anyone here saying that text is hard to convey or interpret and yet, failed to see the "wink" emoticon, is pretty much skipping past the "sarcasm" and "joke" aura and going straight to the reaction of it. I wouldn't apologize. It's one thing for her to ask you for an opinion on a picture, "Hey, what do you think of this picture that was taken of me?" .vs. "Get on Facebook and see how cute I look." Sorry women. You lose this round to fishing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted December 14, 2014 Author Share Posted December 14, 2014 yes, I'm not huge on texting. it can be annoying, but when I'm at work and can't call (which is a lot as i am in retail mgmt) it's way easier and quicker than having a long phone conversation anytime i want say something. deal is, she texted me earlier to thank me for the party follow up and then i asked her when she was free next and i would love to see her soon and i have gotten no response and it was 6 hrs ago. im not sweating it but it is certainly disrespectful to not respond at all especially after she made the initial contact today. what gives with these girls Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 Exactly why you should listen to the guys. Women react to how THEY would feel. Men tell you as a whole. Sorry, but if a woman is fishing THAT hard for a reaction, she is upset because your answer didn't fall in line with her expectation. That's her problem, not yours. Anyone here saying that text is hard to convey or interpret and yet, failed to see the "wink" emoticon, is pretty much skipping past the "sarcasm" and "joke" aura and going straight to the reaction of it. I wouldn't apologize. It's one thing for her to ask you for an opinion on a picture, "Hey, what do you think of this picture that was taken of me?" .vs. "Get on Facebook and see how cute I look." Sorry women. You lose this round to fishing. Appearance is very important to women, she wanted the oP to say she looked awesome, but he chose to put her down. I am sure it was not deliberate here but the result is that she is now feeling bad about herself (she is not cute, she is just alright or maybe even not alright) and she is now feeling bad about him too. There is a time and a place for "jokes", personal put downs are not "jokes", they hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 Sorry, but if a woman is fishing THAT hard for a reaction, she is upset because your answer didn't fall in line with her expectation. That's her problem, not yours. She did something stupid ALL young women do at some point, I have done, we all have done. OP; What do you want? Is your desire to be right exceeding your desire to spend time with her? Then be right and be alone! If you want to see her again then do what the ladies are saying. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Donnie Darko Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 girl i'm dating once a week or so texts me earlier at work to say hi and they were having a christmas party and i wished them luck and she said "go look on facebook and see how cute i look" so i look and tell her "you look alright i guess " CLEARLY joking and she responds "bye good night" i texted a bit later "of course you know i was joking and yes you look wonderful tonight" and sent a link to a youtube vid of clapton playing 'wonderful tonight' as i thought that was a nice touch. how should i handle this when she knows i was kidding and of course she looks good. this is lame and i dont even know if this girl is even serious about me. we've been dating for about 6-7 weeks and things started great and then we got super busy and things felt a little distant and she's been acting hot and cold lately aside from a really great night together on weds after not seeing each other for over a week. i like her alot but i am not trying to play these games. advice? thanks in advance! Your initial response was actually good. It is ok to tease a woman that you are dating and you did not owe her any apology or explanation and you definitely don't owe her any flowers. You ruined your teasing by explaining it. And sending the video just comes across as a little try hard. She has Christmas parties to attend and you have nothing better to do than send her video links and then dwell on your text conversation with her. Frankly, I find it curious that she is at a Christmas party and she didn't invite you as her date. My advice is to ignore this texting exchange with her and in a few days just proceed with making plans for your next date. Also, stop over thinking and over analyzing every little interaction that you have with the opposite sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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