Elrond Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 There's this girl I know. She knows I’ve been interested in her for a very long time. She’s also been interested in me. She’s just finished with her boyfriend. They were going out for a year. Before she met her boyfriend we were flirting for a very long time, gradually physical. I never made a move (I know, I know. I won’t dwell on that). Anyway, when she was going out with her boyfriend for about four months she told me something I always suspected: that that past summer, just before she met her boyfriend, she had it very bad for me and wanted to have sex with me. Basically, if I would have manned up and made a move we would have slept together. She even said it could have been "more" than that. I know…… Anyway, as the months went by and her relationship with her boyfriend was (apparently) getting more serious she actually got worse with me. Touching me and flirting with me, saying that she “Still would”. It actually got very physical. She would constantly display shows of affection, kissing me on the cheek, neck, eye, and hugging me very tightly. She even used to touch me down there sometimes, sit on my lap in quite provocative poses and lock her legs around me. Again, I never did anything because she was in a relationship and he was in the military. She even rang me up a few times in the early hours of the morning when he was on tour. Partly a general conversion, and partly to tell me she wanted to have sex with me still. Anyway, as I said, her relationship is over now. I first saw her a week ago, and she was already stating that she had a “date” and got laid that week. Now, I know that a guy at her work likes her a lot, so I naturally assumed it was him. I asked her if it was him and she said it wasn’t, just some “random guy” (those were her exact words). She could see that this news bothered me. Again, her hugging was very tight that night and a few times she pulled me very close to her face without even saying anything, almost like she wanted me to kiss her. I didn’t. So yeah. She also said that she had another date that following week. I saw her yesterday at the bar she works in. She was polite enough to me and my friend. This is where it gets funny, though. I asked her how her “date” went and she clearly replied that she didn’t go because she was ill. Fair enough. She did say she was seeing someone, though. Then her work friend walked past us and I asked her if it was him. She then, again very clearly, responded that it wasn’t. A few minutes later, though, her work friend came back and said something to her, smiled and then pecked her on the lips as he walked away! So it was him. I asked her and she sheepishly said they only just got found out or something. I then replied it would have made no difference to me whatsoever, as I don’t know him. I then persisted in questioning her (I know I shouldn’t have done that) and she basically got quite defensive. I then shut up, finished my drink and left. So, I suppose my question is why did she firstly lie to me about not going on her date, and secondly lie to me that it was her work colleague who she was seeing (who I don’t know, remember). My friend who I was with (so I felt quite embarrassed) made an interesting point. It was almost as though she wanted me to think she was seeing some nameless, featureless man instead of someone who was there and who I could see. I found that quite intriguing. It’s quite clear that he was the man she had sex with the previous week, even though I asked her if it was him and she said it wasn't. Why the lies? I mean, she knew that I knew she was seeing someone, and she also knew I knew she was having sex (although she said it was with some "random guy"). So I don’t see the big issue with her being honest with me regarding that. I just found it funny how the guy was pretty much right there and she still lied about "seeing him". I mean, he didn't hear her, but I think that means she clearly wasn't expecting him to peck her on the lips. That's how I found out, after all. So yeah, do you think her lying means anything? Also, I've been reading an awful lot about the dreaded "Friendzone" and whatnot. I really don't think that's where I am. At least it really doesn't feel like it. She’s been the same with me for over a year now. I’ve always been quite firm when she was with her boyfriend. I would always tell her that I didn’t want to hear it if she was talking about him. I also always made my intentions clear, at least verbally. If a woman puts you in the Friendzone does she really display such shows of physical affection virtually all the time you’re with her (hugging and kissing everywhere but on the lips (although I caught the corner of her lips last week))? I mean, her hugs last week and the general body language she was giving off (long eye contact with me, standing with her hand around my neck just gently stroking the back of my hair, and lying on top of me on the stairs with her face touching mine and saying nothing (God I'm an idiot!!!)). I didn’t think women who saw you as a friend or even a back-up option did that. They wouldn’t be so physically blatant, would they? She shows genuine affection (kisses and hugs, sometimes even bites). If she were just yanking my chain or eyeing me as her back-up option would she really be so physical? Every article or post I've read (on this site and other sites) about women stringing guys along, taking them for a ride or viewing them as a back-up plan do not make mention of much physical contact. I thought the woman gives you hints here and there that she may be interested (usually in words), but that's it. This girl has given me nothing but physical signs (and often glaringly physical signs) that she wants more. In terms of our “friendship” (I don’t if you’d call it that), its weird. It has always been slightly dysfunctional. Neither of us is overly “nice” to each other (we can both get on each other’s nerves quite a bit). We actually bicker and argue quite a lot. A lot of people have said in the past that we’re like an old married couple. We’re also quite rude to each other sometimes. Basically, one minute we can look to the world like we hate each other, and then we can look like a couple. It’s always been like that. I’m seeing her next Saturday because we’re working at the same place (she does one Saturday there and one Saturday at my place. So I see her every two weeks, basically). Do you think I should call her out on it? Make a move? Or make myself scarce and see how that rocks her boat? The last time I did that there was definitely something going through her mind. She didn’t like it one bit. If you’ve reached the bottom I thank you for reading this strange saga. I really do. Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated. Should I do anything when I see her next? PS - I have been with another woman since all this. She knows that, too. When it happened she would question me a lot about it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 She's wanting to keep her options open for you. Now, it's kinda mean to the other guys she's dating, but if you are into the girl, ask her out. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 What do you really want from this girl, is it a one night stand? here is the scenario as you have stated.... she has a boyfriend in the military she sleeps with random guys she has a work interst affair going on ....where in the line up do you think you are considering she has done nothing other than grind on you and touch your penis? and you have to ask yourself .....this question what would a self respecting stand up guy who has respect for others as well as himself, do with this girl??????........ two words walk away.... best wishes....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elrond Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 No, no, she's not with the military guy anymore. They broke up a few weeks ago. It’s at the beginning of my post. She's seeing someone else now, someone who she couldn't even admit to me she was seeing. That was my main question about the lying. She said she had sex with some “random guy” after I asked her whether it was her work friend. I then found out it was her work friend. Why didn’t she want me to know that and instead wanted me to think it was just a one night stand? I find that quite weird. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 No, no, she's not with the military guy anymore. They broke up a few weeks ago. It’s at the beginning of my post. She's seeing someone else now, someone who she couldn't even admit to me she was seeing. That was my main question about the lying. She said she had sex with some “random guy” after I asked her whether it was her work friend. I then found out it was her work friend. Why didn’t she want me to know that and instead wanted me to think it was just a one night stand? I find that quite weird. she is deceitful a cheater and leads you on often.....sound promising.....she sucks..find a woman who likes you for you .....and doesnt sit in your lap and lock her legs around you, with out being your gf....you dont sit on or on top of a guy and his penis unless you love him is a good motto to have...find a woman who respects you and your personal space and treats you like a friend....by not sitting in your lap .....or as a lover who does...even then...theres a time and a place.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elrond Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) I haven't painted her in a very good light, have I? I appreciate your replies. She is a nice girl, if a little confused and messed up. Don't be too hard on her. The touching of my penis only happened a couple of times. She told me at the time (after I told her to stop) that she did it because she wanted me but knew she couldn't have me (she was with her military boyfriend then). I genuinely don't think she's ever cheated. Honestly, she is a nice girl. She has a very close relationship with my mother. They're like mother and daughter rather than work friends. Also, what about the lying. That’s a strange one. She said she had sex with some “random guy” after I asked her whether it was her work friend. I then found out it was her work friend. Why didn’t she want me to know that and instead wanted me to think it was just a one night stand? I find that quite weird. I mean, she pretty much lied about seeing him when he was in the vicinity (he literally just walked away a second before), almost like she wanted to keep it from me. I could understand if it was my best friend or brother, but he and I don't know each other, and he then pecked her on the lips in front of me. He obviously has no issues about making it known that they're seeing each other. I looked at her afterwards and she looked very sheepish, almost embarrassed. In terms of what I want from her. Well, TBH and perfectly frank, it probably is sex more than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I like her very much as a person, and I love to talk to her, but seeing how she treated me when she was with her boyfriend, I don't think I could have a relationship with someone like that. She's a lovely girl, but she needs to grow up. But yes, she does make me hot under the collar. I'd appreciate any other views. Edited November 11, 2014 by Elrond Link to post Share on other sites
LoverOfDance Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 It sounds to me like you're both playing games. Stop trying to figure her out and make a move for goodness sake. What you're doing right now is a complete waste of time. You can never know for sure why she lied to you instead of just telling you the truth. Maybe she was just playing around, who knows. Maybe she actually didn't want you to find out she was dating him, who knows. It really doesn't matter what it was she was doing. Stop playing games, stop beating around the bush and JUST ASK HER OUT!! -_- It's really annoying when men act like this when the solution to their problem is really simple. It's like you actually like to play these games. Just ask her out, if she says no, then you know where she stands. She just started seeing the new guy so it is safe to assume that she doesn't have any deep feelings for him yet. If she says no to you, then she doesn't want to date you. Simple. If she says yes, then great. Stop giving yourself a headache, and just ask her out already -_- Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elrond Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) Thank you for your reply. If she were just stringing me along, would she be so physical with me? I mean, she really is. Proper affection a lot of the time, too. I mean, she looks genuine enough (she could be a good actress). The physical stuff really confuses me, because everything I've read never says anything about women being so physical with men they just want to play with or to keep as a back-up option. They usually just give a hint, but enough of one, that they’re “interested” just to keep the guy around. But, well, if you’ve read my first post you’ll know that she gives much more than just little hints here and there. This Saturday when I work with her I will see what she's like. I've come to notice her patterns quite well by now. Edited November 11, 2014 by Elrond Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts