todesfallhammer Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Let’s just call him John—he’s the first person I met when I went away to college. We hit it off right away and became pretty good friends. During this time I was trying to maintain a rocky long-distance relationship. After a while of hanging out with John regularly, he asked if he could take me on a date, and at that point I had to tell him that I was involved with someone back home. I asked if we could still hang out, because he had pretty much become the best friend I have here, and he said of course we could. As time went on, my relationship continued crumbling apart, and I grew closer and closer to John. One day when we’re casually chatting, he mentions a girl that he’s started seeing, and suddenly I feel an unexpected pang of jealousy. As he went on, it sounded like he wasn’t actually that into her. That made me feel better, and I stopped worrying about it. However, I was getting concerned with my reaction to the news. I had thought that I only saw him as a friend, but this was making me question that. Recently, my boyfriend and I broke up, as we both agreed that the long distance thing was not working. A few days later when John asked me how my week had been, I mentioned what had happened. He acted very sympathetic and tried focusing on other things to make me feel better. A little later in the conversation, though, he revealed that he was still seeing the girl he brought up before, and this time he referred to her as his girlfriend. That hurt to hear a lot more than I expected. Right now, I’m not really sure what to think. I have never met or seen his girlfriend. I’ve never even heard him say anything especially positive about her. He’s said that all they really do is watch TV, she doesn’t share many interests with him, she never tells jokes, and she doesn’t like to get out much. He is a music major and invites me to his concerts, but not his girlfriend for some reason. I was sitting next to his friends at one of them and they made a joke about us being “lovers,” which I tried to casually laugh off. John invited me to go out to dinner with his family and friends… again no girlfriend to be seen. He compliments me pretty much very time he sees me and notices when I do something different with my clothes or hair. The other day I was wearing a red sweater and he mentioned that it looked good on me, making sure to clarify “not that you wouldn’t look good in anything else.” And then he went on about how he likes when people wear the color red. He texts me nearly every day about random stuff or to invite me to do something with him. I can’t decide if he still has feelings for me, and I’ve come to realize that I definitely have feelings for him. I just don’t know if I should tell him. I want him to know so that he doesn’t stay with a girl he doesn’t really like just because he doesn’t think he has any other options, but I’m worried that it will make our friendship weird if he actually does really like her and I’m just misreading things. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 You will ruin the fun and mystery of it all if you just come out and tell him. Just keep doing what you havebeen doing, look sexy, some light flirting and then wait til things end with him and his GF. Obviously you were his first choice, so in time he will dump her and go for you. In the meantime date others enjoy being single. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 he had feelings for you when you had a BF & yet he stayed your friend when you put him off. You didn't decide you wanted him until another woman was in the picture. To be fair I think you need to keep your mouth closed for mow & see how that plays out. when that relationship fades, you can make your move. Meanwhile if it comes up in conversation, you can make sure he knows you are broken up with your LDR BF Link to post Share on other sites
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