2 and a half years breaking up/on the verge of breaking up

[Daisygirl1]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for two and a half years. We don't have an "on off relationship" but we always fight and get near the verge of breaking up, but we get back together. He's the sweetest, nicest guy ever and I know it's me that is causing the fights (not intentionally!!) I always tend to push people away as soon as they get close to me. I can't help it. I always push them to see how far and as soon as they get close to leaving, I want them back. I know I need to do a lot of soul searching and find who I am and be happy with myself and figure things out and learn not to push people away. It's getting so bad, that this time I think it's really over.

 

It wasn't the typical "lets break up" it was more so fighting over and over again. There was no "talk" nothing. It was just more like, I'm sick of it (which we always say and we get back together) I really don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him. Please help.

[Diezel]

Either get some counseling or stop picking fights.

 

You are going to lose him sooner than later. A man can only be pushed so many times to his break point.

[leavesonautumn]

Yeah, you need to get some counselling. Based on the title I had a different train of thought coming into the post before I read it.

 

Do you view him in black and white terms? Meaning, he's either amazing or you feel like you hate him? There may be something deeper going on here than you think or you're not emotionally/mentally ready for a relationship. This relationship will end if you don't do something to help yourself.

[Woggle]

Get some help with your issues before this becomes a pattern not only with him but with future relationship. Quite honestly no self respecting man will stick around too long for this.

[beautifulinside2]

Sounds like borderline personality disorder to me.

[Tayken]

He's the sweetest, nicest guy ever and I know it's me that is causing the fights (not intentionally!!) I always tend to push people away as soon as they get close to me. I can't help it. I always push them to see how far and as soon as they get close to leaving, I want them back.

 

Bi-Polar? It sounds to me like you have some inner issues to resolve, and to be honest it's not fair dragging others into this until you can manage to resolve these issues whatever it is that is making you act this way.

 

Just imagine if you get married and the fighting continues with kids now part of the equation. I'll beg you to please don't inflict this on anybody, and just get help to resolve your issues and take time until you are ready to be in a healthy relationship. Most people are in relationships for the wrong reasons e.g.

 

1. parent figure for their kids

2. someone to carry them and their kids

3. because all their friends are in relationships

4. they are afraid to be on their own

[Jules Dash]

Sounds like borderline personality disorder to me.

 

So many people get diagnosed with psychiatric conditions on this site. If it has a beak, it is not necessarily a bird.

 

The most common diagnosed conditions on this site is bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. If someone mentions a date being nice one second and mean the next, someone will chime in and say they must be bipolar. This would be a great misunderstanding of what bipolar disorder is and the criteria someone has to meet to be diagnosed with it. It is also common to think people who do not like to socialize have an antisocial personality which also reflects a misunderstanding of what an antisocial personality disorder is.

 

 

In effort to stay on topic, OP, don't victimize yourself. This is what people who say "I can't help it" are doing. It's as if you are a poor, poor victim of your own personality and must give into your urges. You can't deny them. You are nothing but a slave to yourself and have no control over yourself.

 

No one has more influence over your behavior than you and you can change the way you behave if you wanted to do so but it is so much easier to not put any effort into change and give in to your urge.

[leavesonautumn]

So many people get diagnosed with psychiatric conditions on this site. If it has a beak, it is not necessarily a bird.

 

The most common diagnosed conditions on this site is bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. If someone mentions a date being nice one second and mean the next, someone will chime in and say they must be bipolar. This would be a great misunderstanding of what bipolar disorder is and the criteria someone has to meet to be diagnosed with it. It is also common to think people who do not like to socialize have an antisocial personality which also reflects a misunderstanding of what an antisocial personality disorder is.

 

 

In effort to stay on topic, OP, don't victimize yourself. This is what people who say "I can't help it" are doing. It's as if you are a poor, poor victim of your own personality and must give into your urges. You can't deny them. You are nothing but a slave to yourself and have no control over yourself.

 

No one has more influence over your behavior than you and you can change the way you behave if you wanted to do so but it is so much easier to not put any effort into change and give in to your urge.

 

Thank you for saying this. I wonder if people realize it can take months/years to even be diagnosed with either of those. Now she will research it and feel paranoid. As if we can base a diagnoses on a few words.

 

Also, OP, you both may have formed a habit and its stuck. In on/off relationships people are usually wanting to feel the high of the "on" again.. Does this sound like it applies to the relationship?