Guy flirted with me right in front of his girlfriend

[90s kid]

I went out to a lounge the other night with a big group of people. That night, I met a guy in the group who was a friend of my friend. He sat next to me almost the entire night. I could tell he was attracted to me by his body language and the way he looked at me. Even though we were in a group, he spent a good half hour talking only to me. He told me a lot about himself and asked me a ton of questions about where I’m from, what I do for a living, and what my interests are. It was really loud in there so we were super close together. When he was talking to me, he was inches from my face and looking me right in the eyes. When he wasn’t doing that, he was leaning in really close to talk into my ear over the loud music. After at least a half hour conversation, we started mingling with other people in the group. That’s when I realized that he was with one of the girls in the group. I could see him hugging her, dancing with her, being really touchy feely. That’s when my friend told me that she thinks she’s his girlfriend. It’s so weird because the entire time that he and I were talking, that girl was sitting right next to him and he didn’t even acknowledge her presence. My friend said that she saw him zone in on me the second we were introduced. My instinct is telling me that he liked me right off the bat and was reacting based on attraction. It was like a light switched on in the middle of the evening and he suddenly realized that his gf existed. If my boyfriend interacted with a girl like that right in front me, I would not be cool with it.

 

 

He seemed like a really nice, gentlemanly guy so it’s hard for me to believe that he’s just some jerk that doesn’t care about his gf’s feelings. By the way, if his gf was bothered by us talking, she didn’t show it. She seemed completely unaffected. Although, she did casually mention to me later in the evening that they were a couple. I doubt that was a coincidence.

 

 

Any insights that can help me make sense of this?

Edited September 28, 2014 by 90s kid

[CaliGuy]

I went out to a lounge the other night with a big group of people. That night, I met a guy in the group who was a friend of my friend. He sat next to me almost the entire night. I could tell he was attracted to me by his body language and the way he looked at me. Even though we were in a group, he spent a good half hour talking only to me. He told me a lot about himself and asked me a ton of questions about where I’m from, what I do for a living, and what my interests are. It was really loud in there so we were super close together. When he was talking to me, he was inches from my face and looking me right in the eyes. When he wasn’t doing that, he was leaning in really close to talk into my ear over the loud music. After at least a half hour conversation, we started mingling with other people in the group. That’s when I realized that he was with one of the girls in the group. I could see him hugging her, dancing with her, being really touchy feely. That’s when my friend told me that she thinks she’s his girlfriend. It’s so weird because the entire time that he and I were talking, that girl was sitting right next to him and he didn’t even acknowledge her presence. My friend said that she saw him zone in on me the second we were introduced. My instinct is telling me that he liked me right off the bat and was reacting based on attraction. It was like a light switched on in the middle of the evening and he suddenly realized that his gf existed. If my boyfriend interacted with a girl like that right in front me, I would not be cool with it.

 

 

He seemed like a really nice, gentlemanly guy so it’s hard for me to believe that he’s just some jerk that doesn’t care about his gf’s feelings. By the way, if his gf was bothered by us talking, she didn’t show it. She seemed completely unaffected. Although, she did casually mention to me later in the evening that they were a couple. I doubt that was a coincidence.

 

 

Any insights that can help me make sense of this?

 

He's plowing the field for his next "victim". If you want to be one, keep taking to him. If not, RUN AWAY!

[NJ123]

I went out to a lounge the other night with a big group of people. That night, I met a guy in the group who was a friend of my friend. He sat next to me almost the entire night. I could tell he was attracted to me by his body language and the way he looked at me. Even though we were in a group, he spent a good half hour talking only to me. He told me a lot about himself and asked me a ton of questions about where I’m from, what I do for a living, and what my interests are. It was really loud in there so we were super close together. When he was talking to me, he was inches from my face and looking me right in the eyes. When he wasn’t doing that, he was leaning in really close to talk into my ear over the loud music. After at least a half hour conversation, we started mingling with other people in the group. That’s when I realized that he was with one of the girls in the group. I could see him hugging her, dancing with her, being really touchy feely. That’s when my friend told me that she thinks she’s his girlfriend. It’s so weird because the entire time that he and I were talking, that girl was sitting right next to him and he didn’t even acknowledge her presence. My friend said that she saw him zone in on me the second we were introduced. My instinct is telling me that he liked me right off the bat and was reacting based on attraction. It was like a light switched on in the middle of the evening and he suddenly realized that his gf existed. If my boyfriend interacted with a girl like that right in front me, I would not be cool with it.

 

 

He seemed like a really nice, gentlemanly guy so it’s hard for me to believe that he’s just some jerk that doesn’t care about his gf’s feelings. By the way, if his gf was bothered by us talking, she didn’t show it. She seemed completely unaffected. Although, she did casually mention to me later in the evening that they were a couple. I doubt that was a coincidence.

 

 

Any insights that can help me make sense of this?

 

Why do so many of you women fall for this ****? This guy is clearly a jerk. Wouldn't doubt that the g/f & him had a big fight about him talking to you that night. And obviously her flat out casually saying she was his girlfriend to you obviously bothered her that he was talking to you. You'd probably date this guy if they broke up judging from your post.

[NJ123]

He's plowing the field for his next "victim". If you want to be one, keep taking to him. If not, RUN AWAY!

 

This. You need to ask yourself if your willing to be with a guy who doesn't even respect his girlfriend. If they broke up & you get with him, he'd do the same exact thing to you. You'd be wasting your time with this guy.

[GemmaUK]

I'd say she was unfazed because he does this all the time.

She is used to it and he will brush it all off as just being friendly.

 

My guess is he is insecure and she realises that. He needs the ego boost.

[No Limit]

The girl didn't mind because she doesn't know better - "guys be guys". Stay away though, unless you want a boyfriend like that.

[ktya]

To play the other side of the coin here for a minute.

 

The guy wasnt all over this girl, trying to kiss her or hold her hand or rubbing his hands on her. He was talking to her in a really loud environment so in order to understand what they were saying they had to be really really close. He's obviously not super shy as he was all touchy feely with the "girlfriend" right in front of everyone.

 

Furthermore, the friend of the OP said "she thinks that is his girlfriend", which implies that the friend of the OP didn't really know for sure. The relationship between the two could be just friends, exes, friends with benefits, fk buddies, who knows. Its even possible that if the girl WAS his girlfriend that she told him she thought that the OP was cute and they were jointly trying to line up a threesome.

 

There is so much vacuum in this story that jumping all over the guy calling him a jerk, a creep, and insinuating that the "girlfriend" and the OP are viewed by him as "victims" is stretching it too far. With more concrete information (ie. was the girl really his girlfriend?) or evidence of actual intent (ie. did he try to kiss her, or get her phone number?) this is merely an inappropriate situation at worst.

[Diezel]

I bet him and his girlfriend had super, hot sex that night.

 

Go google "competition anxiety".

[CaliGuy]

I'd say she was unfazed because he does this all the time.

She is used to it and he will brush it all off as just being friendly.

 

My guess is he is insecure and she realises that. He needs the ego boost.

 

Or -- maybe she is smart enough to think "I hope this POS finds someone else dumb enough to fall for his Don Juan personality so he moves on. I'm too nice to dump this jerk...."

[90s kid]

Wow, thanks for your responses.

Just to clarify, he didn't ask for my number nor did he try to kiss me or touch me in any way. It was strictly a flirtatious conversation.

 

Although I know that him and that girl were there together, I have no idea what the nature of their relationship. Maybe they just started dating and it's still casual. Maybe they date other people. Maybe he's a naturally flirtatious guy and he does that to a lot of girls. I have no idea.

 

Bottom line, I don't know if I'll ever even run into him again. I was just curious if anyone else has encountered this type of behavior.

[90s kid]

He's plowing the field for his next "victim". If you want to be one, keep taking to him. If not, RUN AWAY!

 

"Victim" implies that he was trying to take advantage of me in some way. But he never asked me for my number and he never touched me. Making him out to be some kind of predator and me a victim seems overboard.

[BlueIris]

Wow, thanks for your responses.

Just to clarify, he didn't ask for my number nor did he try to kiss me or touch me in any way. It was strictly a flirtatious conversation.

 

Although I know that him and that girl were there together, I have no idea what the nature of their relationship. Maybe they just started dating and it's still casual. Maybe they date other people. Maybe he's a naturally flirtatious guy and he does that to a lot of girls. I have no idea.

 

Bottom line, I don't know if I'll ever even run into him again. I was just curious if anyone else has encountered this type of behavior.

 

Yes, this kind of behavior is everywhere! There are both women and men who do it. And they do seem nice and gentlemanly (or demure or ladylike, I guess, in the female version) because it's part of the package. Don't judge books by their covers. There are sincere and there are scammers. It takes time to sort out which are which.

[ktya]

"Victim" implies that he was trying to take advantage of me in some way. But he never asked me for my number and he never touched me. Making him out to be some kind of predator and me a victim seems overboard.

 

Most of the advice proffered on this site is pretty good, but you have to take the edges of the bell curve with a grain of salt. There are some pretty jaded people in the dating world and also some people who just spend too much time online talking about dating and too little time actually doing it. I bet a girl could make a post about how a guy brought her a dozen roses on the first date and there would be 5 women chiming in about how that's a "red flag".

 

Aggregate the responses you get, then take the average.

[mightycpa]

OP, I think you called it exactly right. He saw you and was enchanted. He lavished as much attention as he could get away with. It sounds like in the end nothing came of it. No numbers were exchanged and no plans made.

 

If you guys have a mutual friend, then maybe he'll be in touch. Or maybe he'll find you on a social site.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Another possibility: they had a nasty fight right before the party and this was his passive-aggressive way of striking back at his girlfriend. Her total non-reaction makes me think she knew exactly what he was doing and wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of making her upset.

 

No matter what it is, you don't want to touch this one with a ten-foot pole.

[CaliGuy]

"Victim" implies that he was trying to take advantage of me in some way. But he never asked me for my number and he never touched me. Making him out to be some kind of predator and me a victim seems overboard.

 

Victim means he doesn't have regard for his current partner and is looking for his next conquest...which could have been you.

[Imported]

Just sounds like he was mingling OP. I don't know why everyone is throwing so much hate around like the guy doesn't care about his girl. Most likely, he wasn't doing anything wrong.

 

How was his supposed girlfriend behaving when he was talking to you as if you were a person he just met at a social gathering?

[preraph]

Another great example of actions speak louder than words. This guy is smooth, and he's a big player. No, he's not gentlemanly. He just talks a good line.

[OwMyEyeball]

The interpretation speaks more about the interpreter and their prior experiences than your experience itself.

 

There's insufficient evidence to base even a reasonable conclusion on.

 

How long have he and his partner been together?

What type of relationship do they have?

What type of personality does he have?

Does he behave this way frequently with other people (men/women)?

How does he interact with others (men & women) in similar settings?

What is his cultural background?

What was his girlfriend doing at the time you two were interacting?

 

Much of the evidence is subjective (intuition, instinct, etc.)

 

If I had to throw a bet down on a 50/50 split I'd say that yes, he was hitting on you. I'd throw a wrench in there to say that he may have been doing it subconsciously.

[Tayken]

I went out to a lounge the other night with a big group of people. That night, I met a guy in the group who was a friend of my friend. He sat next to me almost the entire night. I could tell he was attracted to me by his body language and the way he looked at me. Even though we were in a group, he spent a good half hour talking only to me. He told me a lot about himself and asked me a ton of questions about where I’m from, what I do for a living, and what my interests are. It was really loud in there so we were super close together. When he was talking to me, he was inches from my face and looking me right in the eyes. When he wasn’t doing that, he was leaning in really close to talk into my ear over the loud music. After at least a half hour conversation, we started mingling with other people in the group. That’s when I realized that he was with one of the girls in the group. I could see him hugging her, dancing with her, being really touchy feely. That’s when my friend told me that she thinks she’s his girlfriend. It’s so weird because the entire time that he and I were talking, that girl was sitting right next to him and he didn’t even acknowledge her presence. My friend said that she saw him zone in on me the second we were introduced. My instinct is telling me that he liked me right off the bat and was reacting based on attraction. It was like a light switched on in the middle of the evening and he suddenly realized that his gf existed. If my boyfriend interacted with a girl like that right in front me, I would not be cool with it.

 

 

He seemed like a really nice, gentlemanly guy so it’s hard for me to believe that he’s just some jerk that doesn’t care about his gf’s feelings. By the way, if his gf was bothered by us talking, she didn’t show it. She seemed completely unaffected. Although, she did casually mention to me later in the evening that they were a couple. I doubt that was a coincidence.

 

 

Any insights that can help me make sense of this?

 

Yes..you seems to have read more into it that the 2 parties you mentioned. How did you know they are an item? If they are, it could just mean they have an open relationship, and she damn wells knows that at the end of the night, he is coming home with her....I bet you never thought of that?

 

Additionally, some people are just too friendly and chatty.

[d0nnivain]

He may just be a flirt. His GF clarified things for you but since she wasn't upset about his behavior she was most likely secure in the knowledge that he was going home with her no matter how much innocent flirting he did with you in the bar.

[rester]

Maybe they have a secure relationship and the GF is okay with him being a little flirty/friendly. It's not unheard of. Doesn't sound to me like the guy was doing anything wrong, especially if his girlfriend seemed okay with it. I think it's possible the OP may have misinterpreted this guy's friendliness to mean more than it actually did.

[90s kid]

The interpretation speaks more about the interpreter and their prior experiences than your experience itself.

 

There's insufficient evidence to base even a reasonable conclusion on.

 

How long have he and his partner been together?

What type of relationship do they have?

What type of personality does he have?

Does he behave this way frequently with other people (men/women)?

How does he interact with others (men & women) in similar settings?

What is his cultural background?

What was his girlfriend doing at the time you two were interacting?

 

Much of the evidence is subjective (intuition, instinct, etc.)

 

If I had to throw a bet down on a 50/50 split I'd say that yes, he was hitting on you. I'd throw a wrench in there to say that he may have been doing it subconsciously.

 

I only met him that night so I don't know much about him. Since I don't have any real insight into his character or their relationship, I guess I'll never really know what the deal was.

 

 

Here's my best guess: I do believe he was interested in me. Whether he was flirting consciously or subconsciously, I'm 100% sure that it was more than just a friendly conversation. My friend noticed it too so I know I'm not making that up in my head. However, I don't think he had any intention on doing anything besides talking to me.

 

 

It's just frustrating to be approached by someone in that way. I felt like we had an effortless connection. I felt myself engaging and then the script got flipped on me. I almost NEVER meet people that I like right off the bat. I'm very guarded when it comes to men, especially strangers. However, I sensed something genuine and good about him. Based on what I saw that night and what our mutual friends have told me about him, I believe he's a good guy who got caught up in the moment and then backed away. It's just frustrating to be on the other end of that.

[90s kid]

Just sounds like he was mingling OP. I don't know why everyone is throwing so much hate around like the guy doesn't care about his girl. Most likely, he wasn't doing anything wrong.

 

How was his supposed girlfriend behaving when he was talking to you as if you were a person he just met at a social gathering?

 

 

I barely noticed her throughout our conversation because I didn't know who she was. It was a fairly large group of us so I had no idea who was with who. It was only afterwards that I got tipped of that they were together. That's when I realized that she was sitting next to him the entire time. Maybe she was bothered by it and didn't want to show it. Or maybe she didn't care at all. I have no idea.

 

 

Near the end of the night, I was chit chatting with her and a few of her friends. They were all really nice to me, including her. So it's possible she didn't even care about what happened. Maybe I'm just projecting my feelings on to her because I would not be cool with my bf doing something like that.