Unhappy with her, or life? I need assistance before i make a life changing decision.

[ZimboGon]

Alright guys, I've been a member of this site for awhile. Here's some back story. About 5 years ago i feel in love with this girl. I was graduating high school, and she was a year younger than I. We had fun, young love. Everything you could associate with two teenagers happy and in love. Two years later, we broke up. I was her first boyfriend, distance settled in, she started dating someone else a week later. I understood.

 

We got back together 3 months later, she played the field and whatnot to get it out of her system. Its been 3 years since then. A year ago she moved to a different state for school and I'm still here. A month after, she got involved with parties and we'd talk on the phone after she drank and she told me sometimes she wished she was single because no one wants to dance with her after she talks about her boyfriend and she wants to have fun. So of course we broke up, and two weeks later she said she was making a mistake, and the distance and the whole new experience of college made her not really keep in mind our relationship.

 

So, winter/spring/summer breaks when she's back things are awesome. She's settled down with partying, doesn't go out and drink anymore. Typically wants to stay in and video call me. She's out making friends and at school a lot of the time, too.

 

I don't have many friends, anymore. They've all graduated, moved away, started their lives. My best friend is my roommate, and now after living together he seems to hate me. I think he was upset my girlfriend basically moved in during the summer, but i did what i could to reach out to him and apologize. Our friendship is over, now. He removed me from facebook the other day. Ignores my texts.

 

So i've started a new job. Lots of people. Interaction for the first time in awhile. There's cute girls, too. My girlfriend is easily depressed, and most of our conversations these days are her complaining about her life and me cheering her up and it takes a toll. But for that reason i also can't imagine abandoning her. So, there's this girl at work. I haven't felt anything like this since high school but i feel myself getting flushed in the face when she's near, finding excuses to talk to her. Thinking about her. Hating myself for thinking about her. Hating myself for neglecting my girlfriend.

 

Then i come up with excuses. Well, I've been with my girlfriend for so long, maybe we should take a break and test the waters... What if we end up unhappy because if we stay together its all we will ever know?

 

I love my girlfriend. I wouldn't want to lose her. I want to be friends with this girl at work, too. I think a part of me has always been slightly bothered i don't have 'intellectual' conversations with my girlfriend. What i mean by that, is that we've never been on the phone and just talked. Talked about life, things. Its always been very physical and when we communicate its over a video chat while we surf the web. Otherwise its her complaining about life or asking me about my day. But she's not the kind of girl to contemplate existence or my own morality, which i enjoy pondering late at night.

 

I guess my issue which has driven me all the way out here to post today is i don't know what is right, and what is wrong. As far as my girlfriend knows i am happy and if i try and talk to her about possibly being unhappy, it will cause a shockwave with her already unstable, stressed state of mind with too much work and a neglectful family.

 

Maybe innocently pursuing a friendship with this girl at work isn't a bad idea? But can i really lie to myself and my gut when i have feelings that take me right back to high school, thinking about a possible future with someone?

Edited September 15, 2014 by ZimboGon

[LoveIsMyReligion]

People change a lot after high school, it sounds like you and your high school girlfriend are using each other as crutches until something better comes along.

[PinkCarnations]

The fact that you have to ask yourself whether or not you're happy means you probably aren't. You're comfortable, sure, but you're obviously not content. You can't just be friendly to this new girl while still with your girlfriend. It's such a douchey thing to do and reminds me of the guys who tried to hang out with me while on the verge of breaking up with their girlfriends, only to have the semi ex-girlfriends call & text every time im with them. It's so clear that you're trying to line up the next girl before you dump your current girlfriend. The best thing to do is break up with your girlfriend, take it easy, and then start talking to the girl at work or just go out & meet new people in general.

[ZimboGon]

The fact that you have to ask yourself whether or not you're happy means you probably aren't. You're comfortable, sure, but you're obviously not content. You can't just be friendly to this new girl while still with your girlfriend. It's such a douchey thing to do and reminds me of the guys who tried to hang out with me while on the verge of breaking up with their girlfriends, only to have the semi ex-girlfriends call & text every time im with them. It's so clear that you're trying to line up the next girl before you dump your current girlfriend. The best thing to do is break up with your girlfriend, take it easy, and then start talking to the girl at work or just go out & meet new people in general.

 

I mean, honestly with Long distance, i've always gone through phases. I feel lonely, i want to see other people. But when she's back things are good. I don't know if breaking up with her is right when all i have right now is a crush. I don't even know if its worth pursuing.

[ja123]

New girl aside, it sounds like you're the one shouldering most of the emotional load with your current GF.

 

The new girl could be any girl at this point, as you don't know her. The real issue is that you are unhappy in the relationship with your current GF.

 

If you didn't feel guilty over leaving her, would you?

 

There is your answer.

Edited September 15, 2014 by ja123

[ZimboGon]

New girl aside, it sounds like you're the one shouldering most of the emotional load with your current GF.

 

The new girl could be any girl at this point, as you don't know her. The real issue is that you are unhappy in the relationship with your current GF.

 

If you didn't feel guilty over leaving her, would you?

 

There is your answer.

 

Honestly, i don't know. Without temptation I'm just content in the long distance relationship. I can survive being a loner, i spend most of my nights alone in my apartment working. I've always looked the other way when there were other women in the picture. Its been awhile since I've had a crush on anyone.

 

Generally i just wait for my girlfriend to come back here on break. No joke, when i approached this new girl today to talk my heart raced for the first time like this since my girlfriend and i got back together.