Umonna Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Upset knowing that my bf could visit me for longer if he wanted to, but doesn't choose to. I know it sounds a silly thing to be upset about, in all honesty I think he'd be better off without me anyway. But for some reason it really upsets me knowing that he could stay with me for longer if he waned to. He visits me about one day a week at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Can you provide a bit more context? For example: how far apart do you live from each other? What are you work/study schedules like? What limits your visits to once per week? How's communication between visits? And why do you think he'd be better off without you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Umonna Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 Can you provide a bit more context? For example: how far apart do you live from each other? What are you work/study schedules like? What limits your visits to once per week? How's communication between visits? And why do you think he'd be better off without you? We live about an hour apart, my bf has to live where he is so he can get to work. He could come and see me for longer over the weekend if he wanted to though as he doesn't have any other commitments. Communication is poor, mainly my fault, I just feel so distant from him all the time, especially when he's not here during the week. I think he'd be better off without me though because I feel like I'm a burden on him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 If you feel like a burden on him & you admit that the communication issues are your fault those may be factors in why he doesn't stay longer or visit more often. Do you go visit him? Can you meet in the middle once in a while? You have to talk to him not just feel sorry for yourself. Express your own needs but make it attractive for him to be near you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Umonna Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 If you feel like a burden on him & you admit that the communication issues are your fault those may be factors in why he doesn't stay longer or visit more often. Do you go visit him? Can you meet in the middle once in a while? You have to talk to him not just feel sorry for yourself. Express your own needs but make it attractive for him to be near you. Thats very good advice. Will try and do that. I visit him sometimes but its hard for me to stay at his house because he shares it with other people. So he mainly comes to visit me here. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Why do you HAVE to stay at his house? He lives just an hour away, right? Why not take the initiative and spend some time there without having to stay over? Apparently he seems to get away with it, why not you? Seriously, stop waiting for him to come to you all the time. Why not go to where he is on a Wednesday even if it's for a little bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wisecrack Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 But when he spends more time with you, you'll probably post about how you're boyfriend is getting clingy and hanging around too much. It sounds like he's got a good balance in life. Enjoy having your free time, use it to take up say hobbies you've always wanted to do but never tried or catch up with friends. Enjoy the freedom now because you have plenty time down the track when you guys will spend endless time together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Umonna Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 But when he spends more time with you, you'll probably post about how you're boyfriend is getting clingy and hanging around too much. It sounds like he's got a good balance in life. Enjoy having your free time, use it to take up say hobbies you've always wanted to do but never tried or catch up with friends. Enjoy the freedom now because you have plenty time down the track when you guys will spend endless time together. We've been together for nearly 4 years now though. I hope things change in the future so he can live nearer and visit more, but one day a week is just so little it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 I can relate to you. I have been dating my boyfriend for 13 months and we don't live together, live in the same city and see each other on average twice a week. MAYBE three if I am lucky (one one of those is just a sleepover late after work). I ideally would like to spend more time with him, but he is okay being with his family and friends and is an introvert and needs his own space. Is your boyfriend pretty introverted, or does he keep a busy social life as well? I would talk to him and express to him you would like to spend more time with him, and offer to travel to him as well. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Upset knowing that my bf could visit me for longer if he wanted to, but doesn't choose to. I know it sounds a silly thing to be upset about, in all honesty I think he'd be better off without me anyway. But for some reason it really upsets me knowing that he could stay with me for longer if he waned to. He visits me about one day a week at the moment. See what Expat said... you could visit for "longer" according to whom? Are you upset he's going home to sleep, or is he making excuses that he needs to go do laundry? Maybe he just wants to spend some time on his own or with his friends/family. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I'm just curious, What do you two do on the day he comes over? I mean, if he spent the weekend or more than a day, how would that make any difference? I've gone to visit gfs out of town and stayed a weekend and while we go out to eat and the mall and probably hit the clubs or a movie - that's about it. After that we just sit around and chat. So, he's supposed to stay longer just so you can be in the same room as him? Again, just like communication - the time you spend under the roof isn't equal to the same once you're like married or something. Cuz, when you're married, of course you're gonna see the same person every day - but is that indicative of the strength of your relationship? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't get why some people (especially females) expect the same level of communication and spending time together while dating - as people who are married. And, I don't see why people want it at that same level cuz people who are married and get to see each other 24/7 aren't having life-shattering conversations and quite frankly probably just wanna break from each other so they can like have a breather. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 We've been together for nearly 4 years now though. I hope things change in the future so he can live nearer and visit more, but one day a week is just so little it seems. Why is it all about the things HE needs/should do. I've yet to see you talk about YOU doing anything. If YOU are not happy with one day a week, then maybe it's time YOU took some action too. Why do people just expect things to get better without putting in any work? Must be nice to be lazy in a relationship and expect change. Somewhere out there is a guy posted: Gf could actually visit me, but doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
true-love Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 first i have some question - what limits your visits to once per week? - what limits communication between you and him per days ? and i hope they change in the future Link to post Share on other sites
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