Frequency of communication in the early stages

[fonoma]

I've been dating a guy for 5 weeks now and have been discovering how insecure of a person I've become when I actually care about someone. I've only ever dated and had a relationship with one other guy before for 7 months and am extremely experienced in handling this part of life so I'm full of doubts and questions. I'm 24 and the guy is almost 27. He took a risk asking me out as he's still currently my trainer for 2 more weeks but he was extremely keen in the beginning and it was obvious by the things he says, the plans he makes, and the way he acts that he was and is thinking about us being long-term.

 

Since we started seeing each other, we would see each other at the gym about 4 times a week, with one being our session together and one or two other days if I stayed long enough after his other sessions ended he'd come over to sit and chat with me. We have been going on dates about 3-4 times a week, spent all of our Saturdays together before going to do our own things on Sundays, and see each other in more casual settings once or twice as well (he asked me to hang out once while he was still studying for a new certification that had him stressed out for 2 weeks). About 2/3 of the dates are initiated by him and most of the time he's very attentive and teasing and affectionate in person, isn't afraid of people thinking we're already a couple, loves cooking for me and sharing his favorite food and movies with me, and talks about taking me to all these places and events, saying "we'll have to go when..." frequently. He recently told me he wants me to go with him out of town to meet his best friend from his hometown soon. We even talked about a race we want to go to together as far ahead as spring of next year...

 

So things seem great and I must be crazy for doubting him, but my problem was that we would text back and forth often the first week and then it dropped off a bit. We haven't yet gone a full day without at least one text, initiated by either one of us, but there are more days where it's just that one and a response and usually no follow up. But he still makes the plans in person and all seems well. I'm at a loss as to whether this is ok, whether our communication styles are possibly incompatible, if I'm expecting too much, if he's losing interest, etc.? And what has bothered me recently was this past week– after spending four evenings in a row together where things were amazing, the slower texting was still getting to me, especially since I typically don't see him or talk to him as much from Sunday through Tuesday.

 

I was concerned he hadn't yet made plans to see me this week because he was planning on leaving on a week to 10 day trip to the mountains where he'd be alone fishing, camping, hiking, etc that he'd been planning and looking forward to for at least two months. I ended up reminding him he had a dinner that he missed because he actually sort-of passed on a dinner offer from me the day he took his test because he was stressed and didn't know if he'd pass or be too tired. This was the first time he'd cancelled on me, but it was followed by those great four days together, so maybe it was just the stress that got to him.

 

Anyhow, I tried to schedule it for Wednesday but he asked for Tuesday since he'd be packing Wednesday and leaving Thursday morning after his sessions. He seemed excited in the text and said we needed to get together before he left anyway (well duh!) and that he'd try to pack earlier that day to make time. During dinner, though, he seemed pretty distant and distracted. I engaged him in conversation about his trip but after one topic ended, it was hard to start another. Only at the end did he really look at me fondly and feel like he was in the moment like he usually does, and when he turned down an offer to watch something after dinner I told him I still wanted to hang out, which he said of course to and started being affectionate again for a little while. But it turned out he didn't pack at all because he procrastinated so after we spent a little bit of romantic time together he was completely focused on packing and while he said it'd be ok if I wanted to stay, he probably wanted to me to leave, which I did.

 

He texted once the next day asking how my new morning group run/workout went but after he replied to my response he was very short in his responses so I stopped replying and never heard from him the rest of the day. Thursday comes around and he came by after his session to ask if I still wanted to go get breakfast together since he said he might have time to when we were at dinner after I expressed that I wanted to spend more time with him. But he seemed a bit annoyed that I hadn't showered yet and wanted to do that first, since we were just going across the street for quick tacos and coffee as he wanted to leave town ASAP.

 

Both during dinner and that breakfast he was a little distant/distracted and he said he was mentally checked out from our city already and he wanted to escape to the mountains. He did ask me about my weekend plans and seemed curious about who I was going to be doing some of the things I said with. And he asked if I had gone out the night before, maybe thinking that was why I we never texted each other? However, he was checking his watch a few times and was in a rush to leave after our brief breakfast though I don't know why he couldn't have relaxed for another 15 minutes as he was just driving and didn't have to be at his planned stop for that day immediately.

 

I don't expect him to be in touch with me since it's his personal, mental escape and also he will be camping the entire time with probably no service and no desire to be connected to technology, which I totally get. He said he'd send pictures, which I thought was really nice of him. He sent me one Thursday night, very late though I know he'd been there for a while already (he was staying at his best friend's place that was on the way) of his friend and something cool at his place, saying that they were drinking and catching up, so that was nice.

 

I'm really just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on the lack of staying in touch throughout the week, though? And I don't mean during his vacation. We have only recently started using the phone to get in touch when making plans on the fly, but never has he called just to chat. Is this a sign that he's been trying to get space from me or less keen? He used to say things like "I can't wait until we can hang out more" or "I wish we were hanging out" when he was always busy having to study. I know I just need to wait it out until he's back and shows he's interested in connecting again afterwards, but with his distractedness I felt a little closed off and afraid to talk to him about any other more serious topics. I'm afraid I was maybe too available, too, so now that he's gone I'm working on reconnecting to my old life and friends so I hope I can continue harboring that and actually having the strength to say "sorry, I'm busy that day" for once and maybe remain as valuable to him now as I must have appeared to him in the beginning...

[meeji]

Chill out and don't analyze everything he does. Sounds like things are great. Don't break it. He was probably super excited about his trip.