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Found out my girl was texting another guy


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So I've been with this girl for seven months. She says she loves me and she's introduced me to her family etc.

 

Today I was using her phone and noticed she got a text from a guy that asked her a weird question. I flicked through the conversation and this guy is hitting her up asking her when he can take her out? She is blunt with this guy and usually ignores him but sometimes she talks. There's really no flirting on her end and she stays blunt or even ignores him. He usually messages her and she may or may not answer. When he asked her when he could take her out she said when her study is finished. Not sure if serious or just brushing him off.

 

Anyway my mood changed a bit and she realizes and confronted me about going through her phone. She said I think she is being unfaithful and anyway I played it cool and said I didn't read anything. I asked her what is on her phone that would make me think she is being unfaithful?

 

She replied that I may of seen a guy texting her. I said I didn't read her text but wtf is up with the guy she's referring to.

 

She said a guy keeps annoying her but she mostly ignores him.

 

I asked him how he got your number she said she met him at a party and they became Facebook friends and he asked for her number and she gave it to him

 

I asked her wtf she gave him her number in the first place when his intentions were very clear. And why she even replied his messages.

 

She said she made a mistake and didn't think he would annoy her and she said she replied sometimes to kill time. She said it was a mistake. She also said she has told him she has a bf but he keeps on messaging.

 

I told her that she's betrayed my trust and it's gonna take a while to earn it back. I asked her if it's because she wants the attention or of she likes the guy she denied it.

 

Now that I think about it maybe I should end the relationship before I get screwed over.

 

I told her if she doesn't wanna be with me or if she likes someone else or want to be with other people she should say so and I will let her go. She insists she wants to be with me and she's happy with me.

 

What so u guys think? Is she legit or should I end it?

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LoveIsMyReligion

I still have nightmares about being in a relationship without trust, it's a long and scary road if you try and make things work...

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She knew damn well that when she gave him her number what the repercussions were and what was going to happen. Heck, you'd do the same if a supermodel lookalike came up to you would you not?

 

Many a times I'd advise you to split but your situation is pretty grey at the moment. It can go either way depending on both parties. The question is do you like her enough you want to give her a chance. How you put it, she never flirted with the guy but simply to get some attention AND you've made it pretty clear you'd walk away if she were to get out of line again.

 

The biggest thing here is setting up relationship boundaries and being open about how you both feel. A side note though; the moment you sense she is becoming distant, pre-empt the break up and drop her. Chances are, she'd already thought about it for a while before taking action.

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bubbaganoosh

I always said that no guy gets to first base with any girl unless she wants him to. IMO, he got to first base. If she wasn't interested in him, then she wouldn't have given him her phone number. Me thinks that she's got some guy warming up in the bull pen.

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This is so simple.

 

Get rid of her.

 

Or

 

Disconnect, have really dirty, shameful sex with her.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Thanks guys. Yes my thoughts are negative too about why she would give him his number in the first place or even reply. The only thing that is stopping me from dumping her is the fact she was pretty blunt with him and even ignoring him at times. And she's not flirting back.

 

I also told her if she doesn't wanna be in this relationship or if she wants to meet new guys or like someone else to be honest with me and we can end it peacefully. She insisted she was happy with me and loves me. I also told her she doesn't need to feel trapped in this relationship and if we were to break up I don't mind that she tells her parents and friends it was my fault or whatever.

 

I also told her that if we were to stay together for another year we would prob get married but only if she was on the same page as me on that. She said she was.

 

I know how these things can drag on with more heartache in the long run but just wanted to make sure I'm doing the right thing before I call it quits.

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In her defense... other than give the guy her number she hasn't done anything wrong..

 

If you read messages where she had set up dates or discovered that she was seeing him behind your back then hell yea, deal breaker. If she is saying that she is happy with you and she has no interest in the guy ( which you also agree with) then this seems a little stupid in my opinion.

 

She knows now that its not okay to give her number to dudes that hit her up at a party and she probably won't do it again. If you love her and you want to work it out cut the girl some slack....

 

Guys are sneaky about their intentions often and maybe she wouldn't have given it to him if she knew he was going to drool all over her like that.. He was probably claiming his interest in wanting to be friends and she agreed..but what he really meant was that he was gonna start as her friend and then try to work his way up to the new boyfriend...

 

I don't know why so many guys think that this works..

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Poppygoodwill

I gave a married guy who was an acquaintance my number because we were all part of the same big group of people who hang out. He started hitting on me by text. I didn't expect it, I didn't ask for it, I didn't welcome it. I mainly ignored it. I told him I wasn't interested, but he persisted with what he thought were charming comments about how lovely I am...blah blah blah... I didnt' want to tell him to F.O because we had mutual friends and I wasn't sure what that would do. Men can be very aggressive when you reject them bluntly, so as women we learn to try to deflect attention, rather than be too direct.

 

Then I started dating my now-husband. The next time a text came through (it was infrequent) I explained to him about this guy. You know what he did? With my permission, he texted teh guy back from my phone. "Hi there, this is XXXXX, Poppygoodwill's boyfriend. I want you to stop texting her. She's not interested in you." or something to that effect.

 

And guess what? I never heard from him again.

 

I didn't like my BF getting involved in my business, but I wanted to show him that he was more important to me than this lame ass guy who kept bugging me. So I let him do it. And two good things happened: he saw he could trust me. And the stupid man went away.

 

Consider doing the same. But ONLY with her permission.

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Thabks for the replies guys. Moving forward is there any advice you can give me to help me restore the trust I had for her? Or are there any warning signs I should look out for to jump ship?

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