Just Might Not Be Compatible With Single Mothers

[WonderKid]

I am back into the dating game after just being happily single. I have not been doing it seriously since I've started again.

So far the only decent woman I have talked with is just for a fling. She's Russian. Which shocked me. But like I said it is for a fling and she rarely contacts me much. I'll just have to see how her visit goes.

 

I have been talking to 2 single mothers. One, Rachel, I think I'm just going to leave it at a friend level with her. I think her past has really got to her a bit. She has 2 young kids. And she works insane hours sometimes. She won't let a guy meet her kids until she's known him a while; which I understand. But I'm thinking it's too hard to connect with her. Plus I think it'll be ages before we even get a date. I think it is best if she dates a guy with kids also. She says all she wants is to be loved and loved for who she is.

But she is somewhat distant and not very big on communication.

 

Jen is a woman I grew up in HS with. Reconnected back on FB. She has a 5 yr old son. We both have lots of things in common and she communicates with me daily which I like. We talk about funny stuff and random things. I haven't exactly asked her out yet. But I feel she would accept. But idk if she would actually "date" me for real. I'll have to find out I guess.

 

One thing I notice is how busy the single mothers have to be. They don't relatively have time for dating. I understand it though.

[WonderKid]

I just didn't want to like, alienate them before even trying it. And yes it is too many complications. I actually really hope Rachel gets the right guy for her though.

[purplesoccer34]

It is different, I'm sure. I have a close friend who is a single mom and she's always so extremely busy. Her work hours are crazy and she just has so much more responsibility in general. Our lives are so completely different from each other, even though we are the same age (mid-20s). And yes, her past does make her dating experience a whole lot more different from mine. I'm not saying that all single mothers are the same, but it sometimes seems like I don't take life nearly as seriously as she does--although I'm not sure if this is true all the time. It's just a different experience for everyone.

[GemmaUK]

I would much rather date a man who had kids who either lived with him or he was very actively involved with them.

 

So far in dating I attract those without children (I have none myself) but they also after a time appear to have no actual responsibilities aside from going to work, eating microwave meals and take aways and washing themselves so they have a lot more time on their hands than I do.

 

I work long hours sometimes and occasionally at weekends too plus I have a house of my own to look after and a mortgage and bills to pay.

None of the guys I 'dated' had jobs that required any overtime and they had no place to live of their own so they had much less responsibility than I do.

 

One of them even said one 'I'm not considerate of you needing time for housework as I have never had to look after a house before' and he was in his forties.

 

I need someone with a similar life/work/play balance as I have.

To me it makes sense that it's another thing on the list of ultimate compatibility or not.

 

OP, if you have a lot more free time then I think you would be wiser to date someone without children - but also bear in mind that single women can also have busy lives sometimes too.

[Mascara]

It's a big ask to date a single parent. I was one, for many years, and I don't think badly of anyone who decides it's not for them.

 

My kids are grown now, and I would no longer date a single parent of non-adult children. I'm not at the family orientated stage of life any more.

[Zeurich]

One thing I notice is how busy the single mothers have to be. They don't relatively have time for dating. I understand it though.

I am a single mother too but I have to say that is simply not true. Who ever said they are interested in me and who ever asked me out I have been to the dinners also dinner dances. If a single mom wants then they always can make time. If some one use their child or duties as a an excuse that is just not willing or give a try.

[WonderKid]

Yeah I have some responsibilities. And sometimes my job will throw me a sinker now and then. But my schedule is "datable" you can say. Honestly if I were too busy to date--and as sad as it may be, I wouldn't get into dating because I'd just be canceling anyways lol and as a single parent.

 

But what was pointed out is that I do not take life seriously myself. I'm more laid back and free spirited. But single moms have some kind of code in their lives. Which is good. I have respected that they are on another level in life that I cannot understand. I never have officially dated a single mom before but I am glad I am getting some personal perspectives on it. Maybe if they weren't so busy, I'd go in for it.

[GemmaUK]

I am a single mother too but I have to say that is simply not true. Who ever said they are interested in me and who ever asked me out I have been to the dinners also dinner dances. If a single mom wants then they always can make time. If some one use their child or duties as a an excuse that is just not willing or give a try.

 

See, I don't think it's always as easy as this for some single mums.

In fact, I know it isn't!

 

I have a friend who has a 5 year old, She works part time but actually does 9-5 three days of the week and 9-3 on the two other days. She is also (in her spare time) studying for her accountancy exams.

She is a great mum to her boy and part of that is ensuring his continuity and routine during his school week.

She has family around her but they are several miles away, she hasn't found a baby sitter in her area who is either affordable enough nor free enough to be 'on call'.

She is dating someone and they have been together for 2 years but they only see each other at weekends as during the week she is just way too busy.

Even when they spend weekends together though she is catching up on household chores - but her man is now part of their weekend 'family' unit and he helps out around the house and has a fantastic relationship with her little lad.

It works for them but it wouldn't work for all to only have a 'weekend' relationship.

 

OP, I think you are just right in realising where your own level of expectation is. Only you know that.

You might just find someone with children who has a lot more flexibility than those you have already communicated with but if you feel edgy about it from the get go (after all, there is more to consider than just the two of you when dating a single parent) then I don't see it as a bad thing to go for women without children.

[WonderKid]

Wow near story about that lady and her guy. Two years but only see each other every other weekend? That's tough. It's great he helps her out though.

[newmoon]

my brother is a 100% single dad, the mom has no involvement. it works the same in reverse, in that he doesn't want to date women without kids because they don't understand the time commitment needed for his child. i have seen, from his experience, that women with kids do much better with men who have kids too. it is really hard work. his dates are often at mcdonalds so the kids can play in the play thing, or chuck e cheese, etc., it's rare to get amazing/fancy date night

Edited August 24, 2014 by newmoon

[WonderKid]

Man reading these replies are making me realize the different level of life these single parents are on. I'll say Jen is a single mom I'd consider dating based off the connections we have. Always laughing and goofing around. But also, I think to take notice is that, eventually, you are going to become an adult model figure for their kid. Which is a serious input on their lives.

[carhill]

I dated a fair amount of single moms and all my LTR's were with mothers, except my exW, who was childless. IME, I didn't see marked issues with making time for dating, since dating, was, back when I was doing it, a couple hours once a week or twice a week, presuming the lady wasn't dating multiple men. Pretty easy to fit in. Once in awhile I'd take mom and kids to the park or the zoo or similar as a 'group' date.

 

Are single mom's busy? Yep, they sure are. However, if they want to meet and greet men and/or have a man in their life, they work it out. On the flip side, my exW was just as 'busy' with her business and its demands. Most of us are busy doing something in life. For some it's children. If the time/effort involved in raising kid isn't a positive fit, that's valid.

[BluEyeL]

I'm a single mom, my kid is 12 yo. I also work full time and have a career not just a job.

 

I haven't had much trouble dating, but indeed, I don't do the all over each other seeing each other daily type of thing. I can go on dates once or twice a week. Weekends preferred. I understand people who don't want to deal with it, but there are enough men who are OK with that. It's just life, we all have something, some responsibilities and/or challenges. If we want to make it work, we will. If not, we'll find ways not to. In fact, I wouldn't want to date someone who, at my age, doesn't have anything going on in their lives, be that kids, a solid career, or other serious interests.