Issues Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 My bf recently came back two weeks ago after 1.5 months away in another country. We are both juniors in HS, and have been dating for 4+ months, although we had a sort of "flirtationship" going on for 4-5 months before making it official. Throughout his trip away, he didn't contact me that often because of his hectic schedule (woke up at 6, slept at 12 or later, and then kept busy for the entire day at the academy). I was a bit worried at first, but let it slide because I figured he really was busy. We spoke maybe 2 times a week, at 5-10 short single line messages max. This went on for a whole month and a half. Before his trip, we used to talk nearly every single day for hours. But even now that he's been back for 2 weeks, things still haven't returned to normal. I asked him to meet up with me the other day to have a talk, and asked him whether or not we should continue dating. I explained to him that we haven't been talking much, and I don't feel as close to him as I used to. He seemed slightly startled but not entirely shocked; I'm not sure. But he told me that he did want to continue dating, and that once school starts everything will be back to normal. But why can't things be normal now? Why wait until school? Later on when we started digressing from the topic of breaking up, he indirectly made an excuse for not chatting to me: he's been too lazy and has just been watching Netflix and playing games. I couldn't bring myself to say much besides a sarcastic "wow good job", when what I really wanted to say was "Am I a chore to you"? I can't tell what he's thinking. Is it just that the honeymoon phase is now over and he thinks I'll be here forever so he's taking me for granted? Is he just being a clueless guy? Why the sudden change? What do you suggest I do? I'm really frustrated that I didn't have the courage to say everything I wanted to, and I won't be able to bring this up again for another two weeks as I am catching an airplane flight for vacation with family later today. I know it is "just" a high school relationship, but I don't believe that means I should just give up just because our relationship is likely not to last more than a few years, so I ask that you guys not tell me to break up "just because" we're teenagers. Also, another, slightly off topic note. I am always first to initiate physical contact - just innocent stuff like holding hands, hugs, and cheek kisses. What could be the reason behind him holding back? Whenever we text he always hints at hugging and kissing (which we haven't done yet, despite him mentioning it 2-3 times in May and June before he left) but when it actually comes to doing it he never does! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 It's easier for things to be normal when there is a routine like school. Summer is more free form & your relationship was "interrupted" by his time out of the country. Try to relax & see how things go. Give it through the beginning of school because I do suspect he's correct. You will feel better in the routine & it will be more "normal". Once things settle down again, you can encourage him to initiate the hand holding. Girls mature faster then boys so you have to give him time to catch up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Issues Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 It's easier for things to be normal when there is a routine like school. Summer is more free form & your relationship was "interrupted" by his time out of the country. Try to relax & see how things go. Give it through the beginning of school because I do suspect he's correct. You will feel better in the routine & it will be more "normal". Once things settle down again, you can encourage him to initiate the hand holding. Girls mature faster then boys so you have to give him time to catch up. He said during our talk that he didn't want to break up but his actions are telling me otherwise. After our talk that I previously mentioned, we went back home and texted each other for a bit. His last message to me was "when are you going?" because I was leaving soon for vacation (which I am currently on). I replied with 5-10 messages because I knew I would be leaving later that day and possibly would not be able to access Internet where I was going (obviously, turns out I can) so I wanted to leave him a few messages. However, that was on Thursday and he still hasn't even looked at my messages, let alone replied when I can clearly see him online and saw him comment on a girl's wall telling her happy birthday. What is going on?? And this is from a guy who I used to chat with every day before our recent issues began been cropping up. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Again, I think it's a function of summer vacation. For the 1st time in your relationship you didn't have an external structure that forced you together. If he's not replying, that could be a bad sign since he is on the forum but wait until you come home & talk to him in person. Arrange a date if possible. A little alone time & some age appropriate romance will probably calm things down for you. For now, enjoy your vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Issues Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 Alrighty. I'll let you know how it goes in a few weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Issues Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 So two days of school have passed, and it turns out I'm in two of his classes, and in one of them we sit at the same table group. We've literally only said this to each other: "hi" twice, "thanks" once, and a few random comments related to the class. And the class is a pretty talkative class where we work together in a group of four. It's probably a bad sign, right? I should add that when we do "talk" to each other, he still acts very civil. One last thing - we don't chat on Facebook like we used to either. Also, I don't know if I mentioned this in my opening post, but we used to have a 4 way friendship with two other people last year (before summer vacation), which includes my girl best friend and his guy best friend. But I found out from my girl best friend that it's been awkward for her with him as well, and she says that my boyfriend doesn't seem to be as close with his guy best friend as well. So it seems like he's distancing himself from everyone and gravitating to new friends, and at the same time avoiding me. Or rather, very likely, that because of his issue with me, he's been avoiding our two other friends. What should I do? He's starting to feel like a stranger to me, and I'm afraid that our good 4 way friendship may be falling apart. Link to post Share on other sites
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