Post broken engagement: dating and flirting

[theexfiance]

Hi guys,

 

I hope this is the right place for this.

 

I recently came out of a long term engagement/RS (NC 2+ months ago). I'm over the ex and starting to have interest in other women.

 

One girl at work has really caught my eye. I'm really interested in her and it seems like she's interested but my self-esteem is so in the gutter that I can't really tell.

 

I constantly catch her looking at me from across the room. Whenever I do, she quickly looks down and then makes eye contact again. I usually try to offer up a smile. When I do, she'll either approach me asking me for help with something or just quickly look away without smiling.

 

Sometimes during her presentations (we work at a University) to students, I'll talk up one of our co-workers and make her laugh. She seems to notice this. During one presentation she redirected my attention to herself three times by complimenting things I did for her presentation in front of all of the students, or by asking me for help with things she knows the answer to (she's extremely smart). She also compliments me in a big way (you're amazing, you're so artistic, etc.) for things that are no big deal: dorky drawings, getting her markers, setting up a room for her presentations, holding open doors etc. She also stands unusually close to me when she asks me to look things up for her (leans in to look at the screen, stands so close that she could smell me).

 

I worked up the courage to talk to her last week and we have a lot in common. We're into the same hobbies, but I keep messing things up by flirting with this other co-worker.

 

I'm not interested in the other girl, but I seem to have a much easier time being funny and myself around her. She is constantly busting up laughing when we talk and I think the girl I'm interested in is confused (I never seem to be that funny around her ).

 

She's seriously beautiful, like way fu*king beautiful, and insanely smart too (4.0 student, well read, good family etc.). Out of my league pretty. So in my head it seems impossible/unlikely that she's into me. With the other girl, there's no pressure to look like a dumb ass (even though she is also quite beautiful, I'm not interested in her).

 

To add to the complications, there's a power differential. I'm a supervisor in our department and she's considered student staff (we're 2 years apart in age, I recently graduated and it's college so we're all adults). She doesn't work for me, but it makes it really hard to be forward about my interest. If I'm wrong, there could be serious problems in terms of my career.

 

How do I stop shooting myself in the foot? Does she seem interested or am I just kidding myself? If she is interested, how in the hell do I work up the nerve to ask her out? Any general advice?

 

Thanks

[Assasda]

I think you should go out with the other girl that you have an easier time with.

 

I only say that because youre unnecessarily stressing about this other girl

[theexfiance]

I think you should go out with the other girl that you have an easier time with.

 

I only say that because youre unnecessarily stressing about this other girl

 

lol. Really? I have zero feelings for this other girl. I just have fun being flirty with her. I'm in a strange place post break up and the platonic flirtation helps me build confidence for this other girl.

 

I'd really like to grow a pair and go for it, I've just never been the type, you know?

[Assasda]

lol. Really? I have zero feelings for this other girl. I just have fun being flirty with her. I'm in a strange place post break up and the platonic flirtation helps me build confidence for this other girl.

 

I'd really like to grow a pair and go for it, I've just never been the type, you know?

 

hahaha I know

If you keep puttin her on the pedestal it'll never work out.

Just tell yourself when you see her, that she "Used the toilet this morning, and took a dump" - I know its crass, but its also humanizing.

[smackie9]

Don't date people you work with....you will be sorry.

[theexfiance]

hahaha I know

If you keep puttin her on the pedestal it'll never work out.

Just tell yourself when you see her, that she "Used the toilet this morning, and took a dump" - I know its crass, but its also humanizing.

 

Now there's some advice! Thanks, I'll give this a try this week. I don't mean to stick her up there. I'm just intimidated.

 

It's only been 2 months since I got my heart shattered. It's slow going with getting it together. Any other advice? Am I stupid for thinking she's interested?

 

Don't date people you work with....you will be sorry.

 

Meh. Pretty sure if it (the relationship) ends, it's going to be rough no matter what. I'm not planning on staying at this job for more than another 6-8 months anyway.

[Assasda]

Now there's some advice! Thanks, I'll give this a try this week. I don't mean to stick her up there. I'm just intimidated.

 

It's only been 2 months since I got my heart shattered. It's slow going with getting it together. Any other advice? Am I stupid for thinking she's interested?

 

 

 

Meh. Pretty sure if it (the relationship) ends, it's going to be rough no matter what. I'm not planning on staying at this job for more than another 6-8 months anyway.

 

Youre never stupid for thinking she's interested man.

She should be happy to know you. Youre a cool ass guy.

She'd be missing out if she didnt get to know you

[smackie9]

Now there's some advice! Thanks, I'll give this a try this week. I don't mean to stick her up there. I'm just intimidated.

 

It's only been 2 months since I got my heart shattered. It's slow going with getting it together. Any other advice? Am I stupid for thinking she's interested?

 

 

 

Meh. Pretty sure if it (the relationship) ends, it's going to be rough no matter what. I'm not planning on staying at this job for more than another 6-8 months anyway.

 

 

Hah obviously yo have never dated someone serious for work before.