Is she testing me? Did I pass?

[mrspaceman]

So there is a girl that I have meeting on a casual basis for a month or two, but have known for almost a year now.

 

She says she is quite busy as am I, but she always suggests times for us to meet that fit into her schedule, which I am okay with as I really like this girl.

 

We made plans to meet on yesterday evening, but did not set a place. During the day, we texted back and forth and I made a few casual suggestions since it was a weeknight, then she suggested a bar in her area, which I thought was a good sign.

 

A couple hours later she texted me back and then changed the plan by suggesting a much nicer bar in a different area of the city, which I thought was a very good sign!

 

When we finally met, she showed up with two of her girl friends which caught me a bit off guard as I had not yet met any of her friends until this point and I was wondering if they were going to join us. I kept my cool and was my regular friendly self around them. They were just dropping her off and they said to her "have fun!" and then left quickly smiling. She explained later that they were her best friends and they had gone for a coffee in the area just before.

 

I had never had been to this bar, but she had once before and she was quite determined to find a comfortable spot with a lot of cushions.

 

We talked for a little while as we usually do, the mood was right and her body language was very open to me, however after about an hour and a half of meeting and our first drink I could tell something was wrong by the look on her face, she said she was feeling a bit sick, started coughing and asked if we could leave soon. She definitely did not look well. I told her no problem and of course asked if she needed anything.

 

I then saw her to the train station near her home and that was the end of our night.

 

This morning I told her it was a good time, asked her how she was feeling and told if she needed anything to let me know. She did not respond all day and then she sent me a short message saying she was feeling better and thanked me.

 

She has never been this way before? This kind of caught me by surprise, but I think I handled it well.

 

Is she testing me? Did I pass?

 

Is she interested in me?

 

What do I do now?

[ThorntonMelon]

Not good brother.

I'd disappear. If she's interested she'll text again. Wouldn't expect it, however.

 

And don't ever, ever let anyone test you. You're the prize, not her. She failed the interview, not you. Until you can see it that way, you're never going to get anywhere.

[Assasda]

I dont think it was any kinda test.

How were you acting while you were with her?

What did you talk to her about

The sickness sounds a little weird. Do you think she faked it?

 

Anyway, what you want to do is call her sometime and talk to her for a little bit, then tell her that you 3 should finish that night out somewhere else where she wont get violently ill.

- If she declines or tries to reschedule, tell her to call you when she wants to go out and have fun, then move on.

 

 

Check out different women, dont put too much energy into one luke-warm chick

[mtber75]

nothing weird about it. She was being cautious by bring her friends. Given that women are flaky, its a good sign that she actually met you!

 

But her simple text response suggest that her interest level is pretty low... But it could be that she was embarrassed about the date night ending awkwardly. I say keep in touch with her but don't get stalkish!

[TAV]

She felt sick the night before, maybe she has been in bed with a fever all day, or puking her guts out and then texted you back when she felt a bit better?

 

It happens! Just wait and see if the pattern of communication changes after today.

[mrspaceman]

Not good brother.

I'd disappear. If she's interested she'll text again. Wouldn't expect it, however.

 

And don't ever, ever let anyone test you. You're the prize, not her.

This has never happened between us before, usually our meetings are very mature, I have never seen her like this before, so that really threw me off.

She failed the interview, not you. Until you can see it that way, you're never going to get anywhere.

Thanks for the comforting words, how did she fail though?

[mrspaceman]

I dont think it was any kinda test.

How were you acting while you were with her?

What did you talk to her about

The sickness sounds a little weird. Do you think she faked it?

 

Anyway, what you want to do is call her sometime and talk to her for a little bit, then tell her that you 3 should finish that night out somewhere else where she wont get violently ill.

- If she declines or tries to reschedule, tell her to call you when she wants to go out and have fun, then move on.

 

 

Check out different women, dont put too much energy into one luke-warm chick

I was behaving as we normally do when we meet, friendly but flirtatious. Her body language suggested that she was being more flirtatious than usually too. We talked about life in general.

 

Part of me thinks she was actually sick as she started coughing, she looked quite tired and told me she was awake late last night studying. The other part of me thinks she faked it and cut the date short because she was anxious to talk to her friends to see what they thought of me as she checked her phone a couple times, she usually never does this.

[mrspaceman]

Regardless of last night, we will definitely meet again as she asked me to go on a vacation with her.

 

I also invited her to my birthday later in the month, to which she said she would be happy to come.

 

Her behavior really confuses me sometimes, especially last night. She may have just been tired and feeling a bit off. It happens...or was it a test? The appearance of her friends makes me think it was...

[rester]

So there is a girl that I have meeting on a casual basis for a month or two, but have known for almost a year now.

 

What does this mean? Are you dating? How many dates have you been on?

 

Does she know you are interested in her, or are you just friends?

[DazedandConfused8]

So there is a girl that I have meeting on a casual basis for a month or two, but have known for almost a year now.

 

She says she is quite busy as am I, but she always suggests times for us to meet that fit into her schedule, which I am okay with as I really like this girl.

 

We made plans to meet on yesterday evening, but did not set a place. During the day, we texted back and forth and I made a few casual suggestions since it was a weeknight, then she suggested a bar in her area, which I thought was a good sign.

 

A couple hours later she texted me back and then changed the plan by suggesting a much nicer bar in a different area of the city, which I thought was a very good sign!

 

When we finally met, she showed up with two of her girl friends which caught me a bit off guard as I had not yet met any of her friends until this point and I was wondering if they were going to join us. I kept my cool and was my regular friendly self around them. They were just dropping her off and they said to her "have fun!" and then left quickly smiling. She explained later that they were her best friends and they had gone for a coffee in the area just before.

 

I had never had been to this bar, but she had once before and she was quite determined to find a comfortable spot with a lot of cushions.

 

We talked for a little while as we usually do, the mood was right and her body language was very open to me, however after about an hour and a half of meeting and our first drink I could tell something was wrong by the look on her face, she said she was feeling a bit sick, started coughing and asked if we could leave soon. She definitely did not look well. I told her no problem and of course asked if she needed anything.

 

I then saw her to the train station near her home and that was the end of our night.

 

This morning I told her it was a good time, asked her how she was feeling and told if she needed anything to let me know. She did not respond all day and then she sent me a short message saying she was feeling better and thanked me.

 

She has never been this way before? This kind of caught me by surprise, but I think I handled it well.

 

Is she testing me? Did I pass?

 

Is she interested in me?

 

What do I do now?

 

Does she have a car? Why did they need to "drop her off"? My read of it is that they came to "drop her off" so they could get their first impressions of you, yet leave their friend to enjoy her date/drinks with you. No doubt, however, that they texted and/or called her to tell her what they thought of you.

 

I wouldn't call this a test. A test would have been if they stayed and she was gauging whether you became enraged, jealous, or upset at her friends being there.

 

On the sickness, it's hard to tell, but from what you're describing if she wasn't feeling well then you just have to assume she was telling the truth.

[mrspaceman]

What does this mean? Are you dating? How many dates have you been on?

 

Does she know you are interested in her, or are you just friends?

WE were just spending time together as friends before, however the mood changed between us and she started suggesting more romantic activities. I would say this was our 4th or 5th date since the mood changed.

 

She knows I am interested, I have been clear, she knows for sure yet I am not sure she is fully convinced, I am trying my best to be patient and make her feel comfortable...

 

She is the one who suggests these romantic activities, this is what I find confusing.

[mrspaceman]

Does she have a car? Why did they need to "drop her off"? My read of it is that they came to "drop her off" so they could get their first impressions of you, yet leave their friend to enjoy her date/drinks with you. No doubt, however, that they texted and/or called her to tell her what they thought of you.

 

I wouldn't call this a test. A test would have been if they stayed and she was gauging whether you became enraged, jealous, or upset at her friends being there.

 

On the sickness, it's hard to tell, but from what you're describing if she wasn't feeling well then you just have to assume she was telling the truth.

No she does not have a car, like most people in the city she uses the train. She just "happened" to meet her best friends beforehand in the area where we were going to meet. They were definitely there to get an impression of me and I am sure they texted or called her to tell her what they though of me. I am not sure to take this as a good or bad thing? Good that maybe she wants to move forward and is comfortable enough to introduce me to her friend. Bad that she is maybe not fully convinced herself.

 

I agree, I have to assume that she was telling the truth.

[mrspaceman]

Also, was this a good move?

 

After she sent me the short text saying she was feeling better, I mirrored her short text and kept it very short and sweet saying I was glad to hear that.

 

I just want to give her space since she was not feeling well and let her contact me as she usually does when she is feeling ready to meet again.

 

What do you think?

[Assasda]

Also, was this a good move?

 

After she sent me the short text saying she was feeling better, I mirrored her short text and kept it very short and sweet saying I was glad to hear that.

 

I just want to give her space since she was not feeling well and let her contact me as she usually does when she is feeling ready to meet again.

 

What do you think?

 

 

 

I think thats the right way to go.

I thik next time you go out with her, play it really cool. Dont try to entertain her. Try to keep yourself entertained. Just be almost aloof and open to what she has to say to YOU, and see how it works out.

 

When you get a test, its usually when women try to act so ridiculous, or try to see how you function when youre put in a sticky situation. - You werent put in a situation.

 

Also, see other women

[mrspaceman]

I think thats the right way to go.

I thik next time you go out with her, play it really cool. Dont try to entertain her. Try to keep yourself entertained. Just be almost aloof and open to what she has to say to YOU, and see how it works out.

 

When you get a test, its usually when women try to act so ridiculous, or try to see how you function when youre put in a sticky situation. - You werent put in a situation.

 

Also, see other women

 

Thank you for the support!

 

I meet a lot of women and have many women in my social circle, but I feel nothing for any of them. I have liked this girl for quite some time and cannot seem to get her off my mind. I am serious about starting a relationship and I am sure she knows that as I have expressed it before. Since I want to start a meaningful relationship, I feel it is important to be loyal and truthful, however maybe I am naive for thinking this way? So far I try to keep her off my mind by focusing on my interests, doing extra fitness activities and having fun with my friends. However she is always on my mind…and I have no idea if she is interested or not. The activities she suggests tells me she is, her behaviour though is a bit hot and cold, which makes me think she is not sure of what she wants. Or are all women like this?

[rester]

I would be cautious. It sounds like she views you as a nice friend. She may enjoy your company and may have been into you, but you are being too patient. You need to make a move at some point, which it doesn't sound like you have.

 

What's the vacation supposed to be like?

[mrspaceman]

I would be cautious. It sounds like she views you as a nice friend. She may enjoy your company and may have been into you, but you are being too patient. You need to make a move at some point, which it doesn't sound like you have.

 

What's the vacation supposed to be like?

 

This has come to mind, she could view me as a nice friend, but then why is she suggesting more romantic spots recently?

 

I agree that I was being too patient and that I need to make a move, which I was more than ready for during our last date. However when she said she was feeling sick, I was not really prepared for that and did not want to impose a kiss on her if she was not feeling well, how good would that kiss have been for her?

[mrspaceman]

What do you all think of this? Since I have not heard from her in a couple days...

 

I was thinking to send her a short message going back to her original invitation and saying to her something like...So when are we going to that wine bar near your place? As you still have to show me your area!

 

She seems to respond better when I am more direct and a bit humorous than being kind.

[Mrin]

Is it just me or dies it sound like she might have been high. She could have smoked out with her friends.

[TAV]

So she bailed on you, saying she was ill and then she went MIA after an initial response to your text in which she said sorry? Hmmm...

 

I think most people who walk out on you on an evening like that, with valid reasons, would try to make it up to you in some way. Especially if she has feelings for you.

 

Maybe she thought you were a complete bore that night? Or her friends were negative about you via text? (women can be cruel like that, immature and cruel and I apologize on their behalf).

 

I would not keep running after her. That would not impress any woman.

[Chi townD]

Hmmm.... I don't think she was testing you. She was more like rating you. Her friends were there to "check you out". She wanted their first impression of you. Believe me, a girls girlfriends are a HUGE influence in a girls life and they value that opinion like gold. If they don't like you or weren't impressed and your girl is easily influenced; then she'll toss you to the curb by their first impression alone.

[Black Knight]

OK,so I guess my first question is what are you intentions for this woman? I mean you said you are interested in her but to what level, marriage, a loyal girlfriend or just someone to hang out with? By what you said you sound very interested in this woman and I'm not questioning your feelings for am sure they are genuine, but no matter how you feel for her ,you have to make sure they are reciprocated. I like the earlier response that you should not put all your eggs in one basket and see other women. I think the next time she asks to go out that you should decline and have something else going on with another woman. One thing that women find attractive is someone who has a certain air of challenge for them. If you are always available when she calls she knows that she is the only fish in the sea, and that doesn't create any challenge for her. Also, if she can't make her own decision about her own feelings that she may have for you and she needs her friends opinion to evaluate you, then maybe you need to find another women that is strong enough to make her own evaluation of you based on what she sees. I mean all women bounce things off their girlfriends but if she is easily influenced by their opinion you will be better off moving on.

 

 

I think it is a very good sign that she wants to do more romantic things and have asked you to go on a vacation with her and she wants to come to your birthday party but you have to make sure that she has feelings for you. You have made it clear to her but maybe she wants to move slow and be in the friendship zone and if this is the case can you deal with that? Never be in the position that you don't know how she feels, so ask her and know exactly what is on her mind. Maybe you should give her some space to really evaluate whether your feelings are real or just a passing phase. Whatever you do, don't let anyone use you and treat you like a yo yo for her own advantage, to call you when she has the time. The truth of the matter is you are both busy and next time consider that when she call, you are busy as well, so act like it.

If this woman likes you then her behavior will line up with your words.

I hope this helps. Check out my blog at My blog, leave a comment. This is your boy Black Knight signing off.

[mrspaceman]

So she bailed on you, saying she was ill and then she went MIA after an initial response to your text in which she said sorry? Hmmm...

 

I think most people who walk out on you on an evening like that, with valid reasons, would try to make it up to you in some way. Especially if she has feelings for you.

 

Maybe she thought you were a complete bore that night? Or her friends were negative about you via text? (women can be cruel like that, immature and cruel and I apologize on their behalf).

 

I would not keep running after her. That would not impress any woman.

Thank you for your insight and I completely agree.

 

I am sure she will make this up to me as she has been very good about being fair with everything when we hang out, this does not really concern me too much.

 

I am almost certain that her friends play a large influence in her life, like most girlfriends and friends do. I met them very briefly, maybe a minute or two, what impression I gave to them in this short amount of time I have no idea, I was just myself, friendly. I made sure to mention during our date that I thought her friends seemed very nice based on the brief meeting to which she responded to positively.

 

I do find the influence friends have to be immature, but I can live with that. I did mention to her that our friends should meet at some point, I only wanted my friends to meet her to see if they could gauge if she was interested in me or not as I have a really hard time reading her sometimes.

 

I do not think I really chase her too much, since she is quite busy, I usually just contact her to set up our next meeting to which she always sets something up, but I get what you mean.

Edited August 8, 2014 by mrspaceman

[mrspaceman]

Hmmm.... I don't think she was testing you. She was more like rating you. Her friends were there to "check you out". She wanted their first impression of you. Believe me, a girls girlfriends are a HUGE influence in a girls life and they value that opinion like gold. If they don't like you or weren't impressed and your girl is easily influenced; then she'll toss you to the curb by their first impression alone.

I am sure you are right, unfair but probably true. I just have no idea what kind of impression I gave them with such a brief encounter.

[mrspaceman]

OK,so I guess my first question is what are you intentions for this woman? I mean you said you are interested in her but to what level, marriage, a loyal girlfriend or just someone to hang out with? By what you said you sound very interested in this woman and I'm not questioning your feelings for am sure they are genuine, but no matter how you feel for her ,you have to make sure they are reciprocated. I like the earlier response that you should not put all your eggs in one basket and see other women. I think the next time she asks to go out that you should decline and have something else going on with another woman. One thing that women find attractive is someone who has a certain air of challenge for them. If you are always available when she calls she knows that she is the only fish in the sea, and that doesn't create any challenge for her. Also, if she can't make her own decision about her own feelings that she may have for you and she needs her friends opinion to evaluate you, then maybe you need to find another women that is strong enough to make her own evaluation of you based on what she sees. I mean all women bounce things off their girlfriends but if she is easily influenced by their opinion you will be better off moving on.

 

 

I think it is a very good sign that she wants to do more romantic things and have asked you to go on a vacation with her and she wants to come to your birthday party but you have to make sure that she has feelings for you. You have made it clear to her but maybe she wants to move slow and be in the friendship zone and if this is the case can you deal with that? Never be in the position that you don't know how she feels, so ask her and know exactly what is on her mind. Maybe you should give her some space to really evaluate whether your feelings are real or just a passing phase. Whatever you do, don't let anyone use you and treat you like a yo yo for her own advantage, to call you when she has the time. The truth of the matter is you are both busy and next time consider that when she call, you are busy as well, so act like it.

If this woman likes you then her behavior will line up with your words.

I hope this helps. Check out my blog at My blog, leave a comment. This is your boy Black Knight signing off.

Good questions, so obviously I must sound a little bit obsessive, that is one of my personality traits that I wish I had more control over, but then what control do we really have when we are in love? Perhaps why I posting on this forum to make sense of all this and also I do value outside objective insight. I also do not want to drive my friends too crazy talking about this.

 

I definitely see this girl as my potential wife, I have since I met her. I honestly did not believe in love at first sight and thought it was not possible. That is until I first encountered her and our eyes met, there was something so powerful there and we really hit off well during that first meeting. I have had some long term relationships with girlfriends in the past, but never experienced anything like that on a casual meeting, perhaps that is why I am putting so much stake into this as I think when one experiences this, it is so rare that it should not be thrown away so easily.

 

I also think it may be a good idea to see other people as women do this all the time, though I sincerely hope that is not the case with her. The problem I have with that is my own morals come into question here, I am a 100% loyal person, I feel like this is almost like cheating, which I would never do and never have. I believe to start a solid relationship there, you need to build trust, perhaps I am naive for thinking this way, but I really believe in this. However since we are not really committed, I guess it would be okay to meet other women right? I do have options, I was thinking perhaps just meeting them if nothing else, so I am maybe more relaxed when I do meet her during our weekly meetings.

 

I agree and have come to the realization that she may be a little immature, indecisive with what she wants from herself and therefore unsure of what she wants from me. Age is not always the factor when it comes to maturity, but she is a few years younger than me, so I think it is fair for her to be at this stage. I do believe I am a really good catch for her and I do show that, but try not to overdo it too much.

 

I spoke to her today and she has family visitors, but she said will contact me next week for us to meet. I will not contact her and I am definitely going to give her some space and myself too.

 

I do not believe this is a passing phase for me as I have felt this way for the better part of a year. When we first met, things got a bit too intense, we took a break and then we were just hanging out as friends and then recently she started suggesting these romantic things for us to do and I cannot really control my feelings for her, I really do love this girl.

 

This does help a lot actually, thank you for taking the time to give a meaningful response.