islandervolek Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 So, I've been dealing with the same girl for over two years now. We've been off much more than on, in fact we only really dated for maybe a month total. It's mostly just been a series of hook ups and sex, she's never really wanted a relationship. Its been more than six months since we last slept together and despite my feelings, I'm over the fact that she blows me off every time we start to get serious. I'm willing to just be her friend now. The problem is that every time we hang out there is weirdness. We have the same group of friends and are forced to hang at least once every two weeks. We are always either fighting extremely, by either yelling at, degrading, or ignoring each other, or we are flirting heavily, making sexual references from our past, dancing together, and kissing under the pretense that it's a joke. Our friends all mock us, saying that we're in love, but we just play it off. I'm sick of the situation, but when I confront her about it, she acts like she doesn't know what I'm talking about, and that I'm the only one who starts the fights. I was seeing someone else, but that recently broke off, and she is currently seeing someone, and every time one of us is out with another person or is flirting with another person, the other one acts jealous. The last time I saw her, I was very cold to her and more recently I've just been blowing her off, and she's called me drunk and e-mailed me, each time asking if I hate her. Normally I would just continue to blow her off, but I can't because of our friends. So I'm forced to deal with this. I'm scared to confront it, because of where it could lead, I would rather just be rid of my feelings for her. I just don't know how to read her or what she really thinks, because she never ever tells me. She always waits for me to express my feelings, but has never once offered up her own. What should I do? Continue to act like I don't care? Ask her why our friendship is so messed up and confront her about all of these feelings? Or should I just act like nothing's wrong and be friendly, no matter her demeanor? Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Man I hate chicks that play these immature games...how old are you guys? Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Sounds to me like you love her, homey. Lay it out on the table for her. If she still can't reciprocate and express herself, then I think its best you stay out of each other's presence completely from here on out. Maybe a long way down the road your sexual connection will have faded and you can be casual friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author islandervolek Posted September 30, 2004 Author Share Posted September 30, 2004 Sadly, we're both twenty-four years old. Link to post Share on other sites
masked_man Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I have some experience with this sort of situation, and think you may have to calmly sit this one out, considering she is part of your social circle. For me it was (or is) 90% off, 10% on, over the last two or three years. She (who is 30 btw) lives and works very, very close by, and although we are not in the same social circles, we do run into each other frequently at the local shops, etc. Every time I tried to make a serious move on her, she'd back off, sometimes quite aggressively. Yet when she sees me with another woman, she breaks into a jealous rage. Like, you just can't win!! Nor can you go passed all that sexual tension either... Just what her actual problem is, I have no idea. In the ...end I confronted her. I decided to tell her straight up that I had always liked her, but wasn't going to waste my time until she got her act together. I thought that was the best way to go, not hiding anything. I didn't want to pretend not to like her when I did, and don't feel that I caved in being upfront. Rather I think the onus is now on her to act, and if she doesn't, that's fine also. Whatever, she knows exactly where I stand, so it is up to her now. In the meantime I am trying as best as possible to keep out of her way (without trying too hard, this is my neighbourhood/home to) while going about meeting other people. Otherwise, it's a case of out of sight, out of mind, but that may mean moving to another city or state! Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 just be real and tell her how you feel. no one should be playing games, you or her. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 If she didn't care, she wouldn't be emailing you to ask if you hate her... I think savethedrama nailed this one. It seems like a struggle for control is going on here. You both have feelings for one another (LOL for Godsake even your friends see it!) but neither one of you wants to be the one to say it. *side note* Masked Man... MG I love your quote on denial! *crap! writes that one down, I'm so going to use that sometime* Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 fighting extremely, by either yelling at, degrading, or ignoring each other, or we are flirting heavily, making sexual references from our past, dancing together, and kissing under the pretense that it's a joke Oh there's a match made in heaven. If this is your and your friends' definition of 'love', no wonder relationships are so screwed up these days. Maybe, just maybe, you can find someone with whom "yelling at, degrading, or ignoring each other" aren't integral parts of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
oldandie1950 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Hey man, This insecure girl needs to know that "the cutes" does nothing for you. Savethedrama& Merin2 are in there for me on your situation. masked-man is a survivor of this one and lwould with his permission refer to it. if the need arises at some future point. At 24 you should be enjoying who you are sexually and emotionally growing not being played with by this young, mind and emotional games player. Good Luck to you, islandervolek. Link to post Share on other sites
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