Am I overthinking things?

[monkey1980]

I have been with my present girlfriend for over 6 months now. The relationship has been absolutely awesome up to this point and I really do see myself spending my life with this woman. She is 24 and trying to establish a fulltime career for herself, I am almost 34 and have long established mine.

 

My previous relationships never felt like those were longterm commitments. Sure those relationships had their moments, but nothing comes close to how this woman makes me feel and, dare I say, how I make her feel. She is very different in almost everyway imaginable.

 

The thing is, I think I try too hard sometimes. I am putting so much effort into the relationship to try and continue to impress her. The first few months I was coming up with different places to go visit and have fun with her... but now I feel like I am running out of ideas and the relationship might fizzle a bit without fresh places to go and visit etc. She also has come up with places for us to see and visit and has taken me to do some amazing things I had very little time for before. Now I make the time as much as possible, whenever possible, in order to not just let life pass me by... especially with her.

 

She came to watch me run a 5k the other day. I didn't think she had come initially when I finished the race. I started to walk out of the park and she text me asking if I had finished yet. I replied yes and she said she "had not seen me yet..." a bit of messing about ensued over the phone when I called her and we met up to go home together. I was a bit silly when talking on the phone as she cracked a joke that she was going home and I took it literally. When we met up she could see I was a little affected by that even though she had every intention of waiting for me.

 

She put any plans on hold to come and see me run. She even turned up with a headache and brought me a water/energy drink... that should say alot about her devotion to me but sometimes I feel she does it out of obligation? if that makes sense. Mainly because of her nature and when she makes plans to visit people and friends.

 

I have put the thought into her head about moving in together when the time is right but have not discussed it further since I mentioned it a couple of weeks back.

 

Here is the thing. We have not slept together (though we have shared the same bed whilst on holiday for a week recently - which got extremely intimate) and we have yet to go back to eachothers places to stay. This is partly my hang-up in wanting to impress her with my accomodation arrangements and I know that although she wants me to stop by hers, she is embarrassed about her living space being quite small and that she also has her younger brother randomly pop round on occasion. Her place incidentally is on my route to/from work everyday.

 

We are in love but there are still these hang-ups and I think it is now a bigger deal having been together this length of time than say early on in the relationship when things were quite new and fresh.

 

Now I feel like we are approaching the part of the relationship where a few deal breakers are due to come along and whether we will stay together once we explore these choices and sacrifices we need to make together as a couple.

 

This scares me... alot, because I feel that she is the one.

 

And advice appreciated.

 

Thanks.

[ExpatInItaly]

It seems like you're both holding back, actually. Yes, you spend time together and have fun together, but you've both got reasons for not taking the next step. I don't quite understand the need to "impress" each other with your living spaces if you've already been together 6 months and consider yourself boyfriend-girlfriend. If you want this to work long-term, you'll both have to get over that insecurity. Also, you mentioned you haven't slept together - is this by mutual choice, or is it something you want but she's holding back? Or vice versa?

[monkey1980]

I think a bit of both.

 

I'm in no hurry to sleep with her. I respect her wholeheartedly and want to take that step together and when she is completely comfortable with it. She is of the Bahai faith and, although I have yet to ask her, I think that is the main reason we haven't gone all the way.

 

That being said and as mentioned above, we came very close to doing so on holiday recently.

 

I guess I am trying to understand things in a more deeper sense because of how much I am love with this woman, regardless of my own experience.

 

I think I am actually her first love but haven't had the courage to ask her that.

[Beachead]

You fell in love with her and now you're afraid to lose her. I feel that.

 

But..your expectations of what the relationship "should be" at 6 months and your insecurities will be the deal breaker here, nothing else. Be comfortable with what you have and be confident about the future.

 

Relax and enjoy the moment.

 

She loves you.

 

Beachead

Edited August 2, 2014 by Beachead

[smackie9]

Wow you are 34 and you still have hang ups? You are red flagging yourself. Here's a tip from a much older experienced woman: Get over it. Reality check: there are no guarantees in life, especially when it comes to relationships. I find if you sweat over the small stuff, you can really ruin something so wonderful and rewarding.

 

Relax, and communicate with your partner. Communication IS KEY. You should be talking to her about this, not us. So man up and express your love and expectations or you are going to lose what could be the best thing that has ever come along in your life.