How to proceed

[SycamoreCircle]

There is a new woman working at the restaurant where I work. Instantly, I was attracted. I sense that she is attracted, too but I also sense that she has/had/will have many lovers. She's just a very sexual person. And I think, without my intending to, I give off the vibe of "You are so sexy. I would totally be into you. Just you."

 

I'm 38 to her 28.

 

The other night, after work, we were hanging out at the bar and she called me over to the empty stool next to her. We talked over wine. She started running her hands through my hair and making pleasing comments. I submitted. I returned the favor and massaged the back of her neck. She submitted.

 

If I withdrew into my own thoughts, she knocked at the door. I'm not sure how much of that is her, though. She is hesitant to follow any man. She's very experienced, I can tell.

 

I picked up on a couple of things during our conversation. When she asked about me, I felt that sometimes the things about my personality that I qualified to her (I play different instruments. I'm really into music.) brought up a smile on her that was tense and defensive. Was it because music was her passion, as well and this similarity between us, emphasized by me, was an advance too close, too soon? She smiled to me defensively earlier in the night when I invited her, along with some other people, to the beach.

 

She knows I'm into her. I don't hide it. I'm into her like 'girlfriend material'.

 

Other things: She confessed she didn't feel like going all the way back to her apartment. It was late. She seemed to be texting a guy friend that lived close who she could stay with that night. I think she opted out, though. She asked me where I lived. She finally suggested if anyone was going home that took the same train as she, she could be motivated to move. I was. She didn't take to that. She ended up leaving with a female co-worker who wasn't taking the same train as she. I played it cool. I saw her outside but didn't really acknowledge her.

 

I did text her that night with "Hope you got home safe and hope you reconsider the beach tomorrow."

 

She didn't respond.

 

I'm going to lay off. Too soon for her.

 

The problem, though is I sense this woman could have more power over me than I over her, which is never a good thing when you're trying to initiate something. I sense I want it more than her.

 

Outside a fellow employee who knows how I feel about her and witnessed some of our physical interaction said, "Get it, C."

 

I replied, "Yeah, but she's a flirt."

 

He responded, "Yeah, but she's a very sexual person." He said that as if it was a good thing.

 

It's not fair of me to want to pin someone down I don't truly know yet. But I'm extremely physically attracted to her.

 

The other problem is she said something that hinted at wishing to be away from California, or a part of California, where there is no drive. She wants drive, I sense. She's just moved to NYC. Drive. She's tatted, hails from Cali, is pursuing the arts, worked as a massage therapist, lived in Thailand, etc.

 

I am the epitome of bohemian. I travel the world. I make art for myself. I work at a low income job P/T; avoid work. I tend to houseplants, smoke weed, lift weights and bicycle everywhere.

 

I have no ambition. I'm perfectly fine with that.

 

Is she trying to break from that sort of existence? As she confessed to me that night, "I'm prey to too many bad habits: drink, smoke, chocolate." I pushed her for more and sensed sex was on the tip of her tongue. Instead, I asked "do you curse like a sailor?" Yep.

 

I want her but fear she's either not ready or wouldn't be truly into me.

 

What to do?

[Assasda]

First of all the girl initially liked you.

 

Then you talked yourself out of it. I dont know what you said, but youtalked yourself out of her liking you.

Then you text messaged yoursellf out of you saving face.

 

What you can do is just be nice, and try not to pull anymore slick talk, but more than likely, you killed all the attraction

[SycamoreCircle]

I disagree.

 

I don't think there was any "slick talk".

 

I also don't think anything has been killed.

 

I think she's new and, as any new person, you are going to proceed into relationships at work cautiously.

 

I'm open to people's inferences, but I disagree with yours.

[SycamoreCircle]

Last night she acted even more familiar with me. She sends my senses reeling! When she talks to me at the end of the night, she throws her arms around my shoulders like we're about to make out. Later, I was sitting at the bar and she snuggled up to me. After that, she sidled up to me and said, "I need a hug." I embraced her fully. This all happened the night after I asked one of her friends, a co-worker, "Does Chelsey have a boyfriend." "No, she's single. Why, you interested?"

 

I'm sure I looked like a hungry seal.

 

We were sharing a piece of cake and laughing. I passed her my glass of wine and she sipped it. She urged, "You don't have any diseases, do you?"

 

-What kind of question is that?!

 

-People can pass Hepatitis A through food.

 

-You aren't one of those people who after touching the subway pole whips out a bottle of Purell, are you? No, I don't have Hepatitis.

 

She feels so good in my arms. But she was tired and left work promptly. Is she feeling me out?

 

Oh, one other thing---I was speaking to a woman behind the bar about her struggles with her ex, when Chelsey breezed behind me and blurted, "C, you're so cute!"

 

She's into me, for sure. I think it's just a matter of time. She's still getting settled into her new apartment. Everything's in cardboard boxes.

 

I could really fall for this girl.

[SycamoreCircle]

I spoke to a co-worker/confidant about my interest in this woman. She was surprised. "She's crazy!" I asked her to elaborate. She spoke of how she'd seen this woman sit at the bar, after-hours, cackling to the point of almost falling off of the stool. I'd witnessed as much. Some of her behavior seems "contrived", if I do say so. She also told me that she heard my muse say something like "You'd be a good guy for me." or something to that effect to the bartender. Should this surprise me? The woman is, as stated in earlier posts, a huge flirt.

 

I also wonder at her eyes. They oftentimes seem glassy and red---could she be an alcoholic? Possibly too, small broken vessels in her eyes.

 

I'm sure readers are wondering "why on earth would you be attracted to this woman?!"

 

My instincts tell me somethings up. Be wary.