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Doesn't want sex... Doesn't know why.


Bigmess2

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So my boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year and a half. We've been living together for about 5 months. I love him to death and am so attracted to him both physically and emotionally. We hardly argue and spend a lot of time together. Since the beginning of our relationship he has never really initiated sex. I seem to always be the one asking for it. But still, I'd say we went from having sex from about 3 times a week to now only 1.

 

Now Everytime I ask to have sex it's like pulling teeth. I could literally be in my underwear fresh out of the shower straddling him and he'll be like babe I'm watching my tv show... In fact that happened yesterday and then he said well just do it later when I get home from work. So he gets home later on and when I initiate he moans and was like babe you know I never want to have sex.

And I was like I know that why? He's like I really don't know. And I asked him if he's not physically attracted to me anymore and he said no I'm very physically attracted to you I just don't feel like doing it. So I asked if he ever feels like having sex with anyone else and his answer was still no. I asked him if he was sure he loved me and wanted to be with me and said yes.

 

Long story short we wound up having sex but when he's not into it and it's so hard to get him to do it it makes me feel like ****. I love him to death and want our relationship to work. I just wish he'd want me as bad as I want him... Is it a hopeless case?

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We won't be able to do anything about this. You should sit down with him and have an honest talk about it. It's the only way it's going to work...

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How old are you two?

 

First he needs to make an appointment to his family doctor and have his testosterone level checked and a complete blood test to check his thyroid and other important things that could be off balance with him.

 

If everything comes back normal his doctor will direct him toward another type of help. Because your boyfriend never initiated sex, never really was into it, a strong possibility is he is asexual and he will never be into sex.

 

The last step is yours. Can you live a life time with a man that has no sexual desire.

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I am 26 and he is 27. He always talks as though he was a sexual person in his past but I have not seen that part of him. He also used to take steroids so idk if that could have screwed him up. He sometimes I complain that I'm overly affectionate and don't give him enough space. I'm thinking if trying not to initiate and see how long it takes for him to realize. Maybe when he's not offered it all the time and he has more space he'll want it more? Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.... He talks about wanting to have children with me one day which I'd love so idk I'm just confused. I've never not wanted to have sec with him. I feel closer and connected to him when we are intimate and I'm not getting why he doesn't feel this way.

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At 27 he should be wanting it at all hours of the day. It's not a matter of giving him space.

 

Yes using steroids in high quantity can kill your sex drive. Was he taking steroids at the gym? if yes then god know what he took, that stuff is illegal so what you find out there is often meant for animals. He definitely needs to see a doctor and tell him about his steroid consumption and his absence of libido.

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He should probably have his testosterone levels checked. He could have low-T and it would explain no sex drive.

 

Also, I get that you want to have sex, but I think you need to pull back. Constantly going after him, begging him for sex, and in the end, making him do something he really isn't interested in doing is backfiring for you both.

 

1. It most likely really emasculates him/annoys him and makes him feel crappy that you're so unsatisfied.

 

2. You're having sex with someone who clearly doesn't even want to be a willing participant. ie: boring, lackluster, and pretty "meh" sex.

 

If he's unwilling to go to a doctor regarding this then you have two options.

 

1. Stay with him and remain sexually unsatisfied, ultimately leading to resentment and the eventual demise of this relationship.

 

2. Leave and avoid delaying the inevitable and find someone who has a similar sex drive.

 

***Also, I didn't read the rest of the responses until I posted this but what you last said confirms my first #1. You need to stop with the initiating. From first hand experience I can tell you how irritating it is for someone to continue to come after you, hound you, beg, annoy, when you're giving off signals that you want to be left alone. I can't tell you how much space he does need but you basically need to stop until he starts coming to you.

 

"I feel closer and connected to him when we are intimate and I'm not getting why he doesn't feel this way"

 

Simple. Because you are not he, and he is not you. You both operate differently.

Edited by KatZee
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truth_seeker

When a guy loses desire like he has...

 

A) he's not into you anymore.

 

B) he's getting it some where else.

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I am 26 and he is 27. He always talks as though he was a sexual person in his past but I have not seen that part of him. He also used to take steroids so idk if that could have screwed him up. He sometimes I complain that I'm overly affectionate and don't give him enough space. I'm thinking if trying not to initiate and see how long it takes for him to realize. Maybe when he's not offered it all the time and he has more space he'll want it more? Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.... He talks about wanting to have children with me one day which I'd love so idk I'm just confused. I've never not wanted to have sec with him. I feel closer and connected to him when we are intimate and I'm not getting why he doesn't feel this way.

 

Roids, and your constant asks are turning him off.

 

My ex was like that, constantly wanting it it turned me off. Hold out for a few weeks and dont bring it up or try to initiate.

 

Hes probably also jacking off to porn.

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He does watch porn I know that. That doesn't bother me. I'm going to try and hold off and give him the space he wants and try not to be too smothering the way I can sometimes be and see how that works. If it doesn't ill probably try to talk to him and see how we should go about..

 

He said he's extremely attracted to me and loves me and wants to be with me so it just hurts that he doesn't feel the need to have sex with me. I don't mind if we only do it once a week at all, I just wish he'd at least want it that 1 day..

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Ok stop scaring this guy with checking his Testosterone levels I'm sure he's probably perfectly healthy. The harsh truth is probably that he just got bored of sex with the same person over and over again.

 

It's also hard to have a fun time in bed anymore with all the porn going around raising our expectations of what we should have.

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rocketman122

not sure for how long he did cycling. some go non stop. if he didnt jump start his natural T with PCT (post cycle therapy) he could be in a rut.

 

I definitely would have him get his thyroid checked and T levels.

 

for me specifically as a bodybuilder, my workouts are so intense that right after my workout for 2-4 hours my T spikes up (horny as hell, especially after legs workout) and after (1-2 days) drops hard where I have no interest. I even feel like I get smaller.

 

usually the day after my workout I cant get it up, have no desire for sex and im basically fatigued like hell. the workouts are so heavy and brutal (HIT training) that the body basically shuts down for healing. im after a back and chest workout and for more than a day already had no urge even to JO. my eyes sees the girls but no urge.

 

my ex would get offended that I couldnt get it up. my heart was with her always, and as much as in my mind being intimate with her was always wonderful, I had no urge. usually about 12 hours later I can perform. and since this has happened often it just seems to her that Im not attracted to her but really its just my body shutting down. T levels affects everything for me. u clearly see it. if its not a hormone issue then the R is the problem.

 

someone I know recently did tests. thyroid and test levels. came back on the lower of the average. he got an injection recently (nebido-about a month now) and he said it changed everything for him. night and day. mindset is great. gained muscle weight. not fatigued. has drive. confidence is up, and basically a different person. a lot of people fall hard after cycling. specifically those who compete.

 

you see them getting ready for competition but they get so burned out they never get back to their normal selves.

 

he should at least do the tests to rule them out. thyroid, T and even estrogen. estrogen levels in a male is also important.

 

if those are ok, then theres a different problem. if hes injecting he should note this when doing them because it offsets the tests.

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