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Boyfriend putting his video game before me?...


acapelo_dp

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So yesterday my boyfriend texted me if I wanted to be picked up from work. I said sure since I take transit, and I said that I had an appointment right after work and if that was alright. He said yeah that works since he is taking his brother for an interview on the same street. So I wait.

 

I am off at 3pm, 3:15pm rolls around and he texts me "Where are you at missy?" I told him I was still at work. He said that he didn't say he was going to pick me up from work, that he assumed I was going to go to my appointment and he would drive me home from there. I was irritated at this point because he didn't actually specify where he was going to pick me up, either from work or from my appointment. Anyways he came to get me from work since it is only a 10 minute drive and took me to my appointment. He argued with me though, not admitting his wrong that he didn't specify. He just can't admit he is wrong. And does NOT say sorry when he does not think he did anything.

 

Anyways then he asks me "do you need your things from your place?" meaning pretty much he wanted me to stay over his place for the night. I said yes I do so I grabbed my things and we went to his house.

 

Immediately he sat down in the living room and started playing video games. Not even looking at me. I waited in his room just to see how long it would take him to come and say hello to me or want to do something, took him almost an hour.

 

At this point I was annoyed. I asked him "Why did you invite me over if all you are going to do is play video games while I sit in your room?" He said that he didn't know I was coming over and he planned to play video games all night on his day off. I said that is fine, but you specifically asked me if I needed my things from my place indicating you wanted me to stay. At this point he was getting defensive and basically saying tonight he would prefer to play video games instead of hang out since it is a day he took off from work, but we could do something later.

 

Wednesday we hung out as as well (he made plans with me) he said he wouldn't be there until 7pm or 7:30pm because he wanted to play his new video game first.

 

Okay. That is fine, but I would really prefer if he would do things he wants to do on his own time. He appears to be a child, he refuses to apologize to me when he does not think he did anything wrong even when I explain my viewpoint. He said he absolutely hates arguing with girls because they are emotional and illogical and he is a logical person. He also said we fight all the time (big LOL) we have had an argument twice this week and haven't had an argument in months before that. I was fed up so I said can I please go home. He dropped me off, we tried to have a discussion but he is not good at communication and didn't know what to say. so he said "let me know if you want to hang out later." I left and he didn't text me all night. That was at 6:30pm.

 

I'm so fed up with being second priority to everything in his life. Do you think I over-reacted? I need help. :(

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Philosoraptor

My advice would be to date men, not boys.

 

I enjoy my own hobbies as much as anyone else. But there needs to be a line. Common courtesy would be to not invite over company unless you intend to entertain them.

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Think the issue of where he was picking you up was a simple miscommunication, neither of you should be getting bent out of shape and both of you should be apologising for not being clear. It's a silly little thing to fight over, and sounds like a genuine misunderstanding.

 

Inviting you over and then pretty much ignoring you and how you're feeling is not okay. You have every right to be upset about that. If he already had plans to do something else he should be letting you know that and asking if it's okay, and if not then being rather more accommodating and flexible with his plans.

 

As ever, it's always about communication...

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You moved to be with this boy, got your own place, the works. I hope you've made some friends there or are prepared to move back home, because it's time for you to be done with him.

 

He doesn't want anything long term, he's already shown you that. Get out while you can enjoy some summer yet.

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Thanks for the advice. I have plans today during the day and so does he. Should I wait for him to text me or should I text him something that we need to talk ? I don't know what to say.

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You have a lot of resentment towards this guy. Its clear by the way you form your sentences.

 

 

In order to form my opinion, I need to know how often and for how long you guys hang out. If you two are ALWAYS together, it would be unfair of you to expect his attention to be solely on you the entire time.

 

 

Once a week , and the story changes.

 

 

How often do you see each other ?

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Thanks for the advice. I have plans today during the day and so does he. Should I wait for him to text me or should I text him something that we need to talk ? I don't know what to say.

 

Well, you know this has been coming for a while, right? From the time he moved his dad and brothers in, now it's been one thing after another. Then there's the workaholic thing.

 

 

Simply tell him you don't have the same goals in life.

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You have a lot of resentment towards this guy. Its clear by the way you form your sentences.

 

 

In order to form my opinion, I need to know how often and for how long you guys hang out. If you two are ALWAYS together, it would be unfair of you to expect his attention to be solely on you the entire time.

 

 

Once a week , and the story changes.

 

 

How often do you see each other ?

 

We are both 24 years old, dating nearly a year.

 

It really depends on how much free time we have. I saw him last Saturday, then not until Wednesday night. And then yesterday for a few hours but we didn't have official plans to spend time together. I would say on average we hang out 2-3 times a week. He has a lot of time to do the things he wants to do, I feel.

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It seems like you expect him to read your mind and you get angry with him when he doesn't. In your mind, each of those spats you described were all his fault. I don't see it that way.

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Well, you know this has been coming for a while, right? From the time he moved his dad and brothers in, now it's been one thing after another. Then there's the workaholic thing.

 

 

Simply tell him you don't have the same goals in life.

 

It's just that when we are good we are REALLY good but when we argue I can hit rock bottom. He can be really sweet, and recently he has been asking to spend more time with me but I feel like that was because he was bored. He is just an awkward guy, he doesn't know how to communicate properly and uses logic. With everything. And I am very emotional and at times can be illogical during an argument.

 

When I asked him "do you want a girlfriend? because I am not forcing you to be with me." he said he does want a girlfriend and he really likes me as a person. I'm confused about all this. I just can't understand what goes on in his head.

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You have a lot of resentment towards this guy. Its clear by the way you form your sentences.

 

In order to form my opinion, I need to know how often and for how long you guys hang out. If you two are ALWAYS together, it would be unfair of you to expect his attention to be solely on you the entire time.

 

Yah, but Keenly, he was expecting and wanting her to come to his place. She was there for an hour while he played video games. Why? And his response was so silly. He didn't know she wanted to hang out??? Why ask if there was anything she wanted from her apartment? If he didn't want to hang out, he could have simply dropped her off at her place and moved on.

 

But, my question is why didn't the OP walk in after 15 minutes or so and ask him what the plan is?

 

Here's another thought I had. Not an excuse. Perhaps, in his mind, he thought it would be cool to simply "hang out" w/o actually having to do or plan anything. You know, sometimes, you just like to have your SO in the same apartment or house w/o expectations to "do" anything else.:) Possible?

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It seems like you expect him to read your mind and you get angry with him when he doesn't. In your mind, each of those spats you described were all his fault. I don't see it that way.

 

I would like to know your viewpoint actually. I think this is how he feels and I would like an outside insight for my behavior. Could you elaborate?

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I would like to know your viewpoint actually. I think this is how he feels and I would like an outside insight for my behavior. Could you elaborate?

 

#1). He offered to pick you up from work (a nice guesture and a favor). Your response made things confusing about pickup option A or B. He chose A. You expected B? You put all the blame on him for the confusion.

 

#2). Video game visit: soccerppp covered this one. It is common for long term GF/bf can be together but doing there own thing (playing video games, reading a book, fixing a clogged pipe). Rather than ask him, you simply pouted in his room for an hour and then put the entire blame on him.

 

#3). He made plans with you for Wednesday, but wouldn't be there till 7:30. You would prefer he does things he likes on 'his own time.' His Own Time?! Just wow. You think you own him.

 

#4). After a spat, HE told YOU "Let me know if you want to hang out later." You did nothing, but expected him to text you.

 

#5). "He is not a good communicator and uses LOGIC." The horrors. How good of a communicator is someone who is illogical?

 

Those were my thoughts. This is not an attack, but I disagree with almost everything you said and did. I think this guy is a saint for putting up with it.

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#1). He offered to pick you up from work (a nice guesture and a favor). Your response made things confusing about pickup option A or B. He chose A. You expected B? You put all the blame on him for the confusion.

 

#2). Video game visit: soccerppp covered this one. It is common for long term GF/bf can be together but doing there own thing (playing video games, reading a book, fixing a clogged pipe). Rather than ask him, you simply pouted in his room for an hour and then put the entire blame on him.

 

#3). He made plans with you for Wednesday, but wouldn't be there till 7:30. You would prefer he does things he likes on 'his own time.' His Own Time?! Just wow. You think you own him.

 

#4). After a spat, HE told YOU "Let me know if you want to hang out later." You did nothing, but expected him to text you.

 

#5). "He is not a good communicator and uses LOGIC." The horrors. How good of a communicator is someone who is illogical?

 

Those were my thoughts. This is not an attack, but I disagree with almost everything you said and did. I think this guy is a saint for putting up with it.

 

I second this. OP puts blame for all events on the boyfriend

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#1). He offered to pick you up from work (a nice guesture and a favor). Your response made things confusing about pickup option A or B. He chose A. You expected B? You put all the blame on him for the confusion.

 

#2). Video game visit: soccerppp covered this one. It is common for long term GF/bf can be together but doing there own thing (playing video games, reading a book, fixing a clogged pipe). Rather than ask him, you simply pouted in his room for an hour and then put the entire blame on him.

 

#3). He made plans with you for Wednesday, but wouldn't be there till 7:30. You would prefer he does things he likes on 'his own time.' His Own Time?! Just wow. You think you own him.

 

#4). After a spat, HE told YOU "Let me know if you want to hang out later." You did nothing, but expected him to text you.

 

#5). "He is not a good communicator and uses LOGIC." The horrors. How good of a communicator is someone who is illogical?

 

Those were my thoughts. This is not an attack, but I disagree with almost everything you said and did. I think this guy is a saint for putting up with it.

 

Wow. I don't agree with everything but thanks anyways. The blame is definitely not ENTIRELY on me. I agree I should have communicated better but so should he lol?\

 

And a saint? Ok. Your opinion.

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Wow. I don't agree with everything but thanks anyways. The blame is definitely not ENTIRELY on me. I agree I should have communicated better but so should he lol?\

 

And a saint? Ok. Your opinion.

 

Just to be clear, I was not putting the blame all on you. I was disagreeing with the fact it appeared you were blaming him for everything rather than taking a position that things were merely (near) neutral misunderstandings.

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Im with Keenly and TXGuy on this one. Except for jeez guys. You didn't even ask which game, you BOTH know that makes a world of difference...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Him playing games and you just being there. Even living together you check in to see where both of you are at and want to do. So I don't agree with LTR and doing your own thing. I think so at least, isn't that normal?

 

 

But I don't know what this is all about. Reading some of the responses there is a backstory I am unaware of.

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I don't mind him playing games and sometimes we do just do our own thing in the same room. He will play video games and I will go on my phone. We have done that many times when we hang out for the day and have nothing else to do.

 

It basically just hurt me that he didn't indicate to me in the beginning that he wanted to only play video games. Plus he said he would prefer to play video games then spend time with me that night when I got the indication that he wanted me to go to his by the "do you need to get your things" comment.

 

I'm getting mixed responses, all the guys are basically saying miscommunication and I am mostly in the wrong. Females are saying to leave him and that is not caring behavior.

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I don't mind him playing games and sometimes we do just do our own thing in the same room. He will play video games and I will go on my phone. We have done that many times when we hang out for the day and have nothing else to do.

 

It basically just hurt me that he didn't indicate to me in the beginning that he wanted to only play video games. Plus he said he would prefer to play video games then spend time with me that night when I got the indication that he wanted me to go to his by the "do you need to get your things" comment.

 

I'm getting mixed responses, all the guys are basically saying miscommunication and I am mostly in the wrong. Females are saying to leave him and that is not caring behavior.

Try not to look at it as him playing games INSTEAD of hanging out with you. It sounds more like he wanted to be with you while playing video games.

 

 

He likes when you are there. He enjoys your company. He wants you to spend the night. But it sounds like it was his only day off, and he wanted to play videogames in the same room with you, while you were on your phone or reading a book or doing whatever it is you do for fun indoors, and you both just hang out and talk while doing your own stuff.

 

 

Is that so bad? Or do you need his attention 100% focused on you when you hang out?

 

 

 

The miscomminucations are not your fault. What IS your fault are the ways in which the miscommunication are handled. These are issues that should be easy to talk through . Without arguments ensuing. Its all about tone, wording, and body language.

 

 

What game is he playing ?

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I don't mind him playing games and sometimes we do just do our own thing in the same room. He will play video games and I will go on my phone. We have done that many times when we hang out for the day and have nothing else to do.

 

It basically just hurt me that he didn't indicate to me in the beginning that he wanted to only play video games. Plus he said he would prefer to play video games then spend time with me that night when I got the indication that he wanted me to go to his by the "do you need to get your things" comment.

 

I'm getting mixed responses, all the guys are basically saying miscommunication and I am mostly in the wrong. Females are saying to leave him and that is not caring behavior.

 

The girl's default response on this board is "leave him." Online dating has turned relationships into shopping for some.

 

You need to stop brooding over his mis-communications like a child who never got her sweets, and instead open up a dialogue when you feel there has been a mis-communication.

 

If that doesn't work, leave him -.-

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The girl's default response on this board is "leave him." Online dating has turned relationships into shopping for some.

 

You need to stop brooding over his mis-communications like a child who never got her sweets, and instead open up a dialogue when you feel there has been a mis-communication.

 

If that doesn't work, leave him -.-

 

 

 

I based my answer on all her prior posts, going back to when she moved to the city this guy lives in.

 

 

 

 

For the record.

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I based my answer on all her prior posts, going back to when she moved to the city this guy lives in.

 

Ah, resentment.

 

This is more than just about the video games. That's just the catalyst.

They are both terrible at communication.

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I agree we are both terrible at communication, it's something we need to work on together. We could have avoided an argument with me asking if he was coming to work to pick me up and also if he asked if I was going home for the night after or wanted to come over.

 

It's ****ty. But he is coming over tonight to talk. He seems distant today and I texted him "I don't know what's going on but I am sorry about the miscommunication lastnight." and he said "I don't know what's going on either, but it's not just about lastnight." I don't know what he means but I feel very anxious. :(

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So he came over to my apartment lastnight to talk. He was distant all day with his texts. Basically when I saw him he said that he was stressed out from his family and arguing with me and he cannot do both right now. He said he was so stressed out yesterday morning he was planning on ending it with me but when he saw me in person he said to himself "I love this girl. I can't" and basically he told me he loved me as a person and wants me in his life, he wants to be with me, he just can't take the arguing.

 

What is concerning is that he said he hates his family right now. They rely on him for drives, nag him etc, he gives them money. He said he has been having dreams lately about punching them out?.....which is concerning. He said he just wants to live alone. He needs time alone. He can't take arguing with me and having them need him left and centre.

 

I told him I understood and that I really hate arguing, I am heartbroken from today and I want to give him his space. So lastnight I went to his house and he played his game while I was in his room. Then this morning we made breakfast and he said he wanted to just go home and play his game again so now he is back at his place until tonight he wanted to come stay overnight.

 

So, basically it's back where it was a few months ago where he is stressed out from his family and money issues. I suggested his father and brothers perhaps getting a place of their own and he live alone, or get another place where he can live in a seperate space such as the basement.

 

I really truly love him and I want to be there for him. I know long term it probably won't work out but he is a unique guy. He is very introverted and cannot handle stress. I know he loves me he just needs space. Which I will give to him.

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