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What does this rejection mean?


j.hopkins

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I have been in love with this guy i work with at my uni for the past two years. I feel like he's constantly given me mixed signals the entire time I've known him. We were sort of friends for about the first year, he asked me out to dinner a lot, etc. but there was always a lot of tension between us (for example he would stop talking to me for a week if he saw me talking to another guy and it would always really hurt my feelings), so I stopped talking to him when I went away for the summer. When I got back he completely ignored me for months. We were becoming friends again for a few months and he invited me on a trip(publicly, on Facebook). A week later he has a girlfriend that he has never mentioned before and is going to visit her instead of going on the trip.

 

Bear in mind we are both in the sciences and social skills are rather limited on both our parts. I've never had a bf before and I'm very confused and heartbroken by this whole thing. We also work together so it's awkward.

 

A week ago I finally decided to tell him how I felt about him. He just stood there silently for a really long time until I said "I understand." Then he said "I'm sorry but I'm not in a position to be receptive to that." Which I expected. A few days later he texted and apologized for clamming up and told me I was "really cool and attractive and intelligent."

 

Since we work together i cant stop talking to him completely. Sometimes when I see him he just smiles at me kind of awkwardly and sometimes he just ignores me. He was nice the one time we talked in person but I think he's avoiding me.

 

I don't understand why he did this. I would prefer to be outright rejected and start moving on since these last two years have been very painful for me. What does his rejection mean? Why did he text me later? Was he just trying to be nice and soften the blow? I would appreciate any help as I'm struggling with moving on from this.

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hoping2heal

The rejection means he has a girlfriend and "is not in a position to be receptive" to that.

 

Good to read a post about a boyfriend who actually stayed faithful for a change on here.

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I have been in love with this guy i work with at my uni for the past two years. I feel like he's constantly given me mixed signals the entire time I've known him. We were sort of friends for about the first year, he asked me out to dinner a lot, etc. but there was always a lot of tension between us (for example he would stop talking to me for a week if he saw me talking to another guy and it would always really hurt my feelings), so I stopped talking to him when I went away for the summer. When I got back he completely ignored me for months. We were becoming friends again for a few months and he invited me on a trip(publicly, on Facebook). A week later he has a girlfriend that he has never mentioned before and is going to visit her instead of going on the trip.

 

Bear in mind we are both in the sciences and social skills are rather limited on both our parts. I've never had a bf before and I'm very confused and heartbroken by this whole thing. We also work together so it's awkward.

 

A week ago I finally decided to tell him how I felt about him. He just stood there silently for a really long time until I said "I understand." Then he said "I'm sorry but I'm not in a position to be receptive to that." Which I expected. A few days later he texted and apologized for clamming up and told me I was "really cool and attractive and intelligent."

 

Since we work together i cant stop talking to him completely. Sometimes when I see him he just smiles at me kind of awkwardly and sometimes he just ignores me. He was nice the one time we talked in person but I think he's avoiding me.

 

I don't understand why he did this. I would prefer to be outright rejected and start moving on since these last two years have been very painful for me. What does his rejection mean? Why did he text me later? Was he just trying to be nice and soften the blow? I would appreciate any help as I'm struggling with moving on from this.

 

Was he maybe just flirting with you and you misunderstood his intentions and thought that he was more interested in you than he was ? I doubt that anyone would purposefully attempt to lead you on, unless he is truly evil or something - which does not seem to be the case. It was probably just a misunderstanding and you may have misread his flirtation as genuine interest in you. His texting after the fact was probably because he felt bad that you were hurt, and an apology of sorts, as he had been unable to explain himself right away when you did approach him with your proposition ?

 

I am so sorry that you are feeling hurt / down. He has a girlfriend and it is time for you to move on. There will be someone even better out there for you. Good luck !

 

(PS : do you have Asperger's by any chance ? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I was just curious).

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Was he maybe just flirting with you and you misunderstood his intentions and thought that he was more interested in you than he was ? I doubt that anyone would purposefully attempt to lead you on, unless he is truly evil or something - which does not seem to be the case. It was probably just a misunderstanding and you may have misread his flirtation as genuine interest in you. His texting after the fact was probably because he felt bad that you were hurt, and an apology of sorts, as he had been unable to explain himself right away when you did approach him with your proposition ?

 

I am so sorry that you are feeling hurt / down. He has a girlfriend and it is time for you to move on. There will be someone even better out there for you. Good luck !

 

(PS : do you have Asperger's by any chance ? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I was just curious).

 

what is the difference between flirting and thinking he likes you more as genuine interest. how doew one figure it out?

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Dear j.hopkins

 

You have been hung up on this guy way too long and need to move on. If he was interested in you from the beginning then he would have made his move in the first year that he knew you. If there was any chemistry between you then he would have acted upon it by now. The guy has no issues askings girls to dinner so he's not going to be shy about making a move if he wanted too.

 

The whole jealousy part about him not talking to you when you spoke to guys or after you came back from summer is just a jealousy of the ego and not of the heart. It's a typical response from guys who are not that

emotionally rounded who give girls the silent treatment.

 

Never judge a guys negative emotion as an act of attraction. Whilst some girls find this endearing when they are younger, it's not a quality that you want to live with when you are older because when it get's bad it's unbearable, smothering and controlling. Always base a guys interested to you on his positive actions and feelings towards you.

 

The reason that he is conflicted in his behaviour towards you is not because he fancies you but because he has a girlfriend and he is trying to be nice about it. He is hoping that you get the hint when he ignores you and that you move on with your life. Take the initiative to end this from your end and stop yearning for a guy who is already spoken for. Take his "I cannot be receptive to that" as the letter of rejection. The longer you wait for him the longer it will take you to find a guy who is really into you.

 

Good luck with it - Bud.

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mortensorchid

I am sorry to read that this happened to you for a variety of reasons. What happened? A few things which I will outline:

 

 

1) Your saying that you like him - It's fine to have a crush on someone, no argument there. However, if you are a woman and you say to the man that you have a crush on them, they will not be interested in you in the slightest. Facts are facts here. Act like you like them, they are no longer interested. When you really don't like a guy, they are all over you. I speak from experience. I think we have been exposed to so many talk shows, reality shows and whatnot that have encouraged us to be open and honest with our feelings and emotions, which includes telling others how we feel about them romantically. And it's all bogus. What does it get you? It gets you set up to fail and be humiliated as a woman.

 

 

2) His reaction - The man is an ass. A gigantic one. I don't have to know anything about him other than what you have said to know this about him first and foremost. Would he have been any different towards you had you not said it? I doubt it. It doesn't matter what he was or was not doing the entire two years you two have been in the same office, if he has not made a move towards you within a few weeks/months of working with you, he never will. Why? Either he has a gf (who I pity based on his behavior towards you), he's not interested in you, or he's not interested in dating those he works with.

 

 

3) The future - I hope you are able to have a pleasant relationship with him as you have no choice but to see each other in the office. You might as well pretend it never happened, he seems to want to as well. If not, then that's how it is I guess. Remember, communication is key to everything and anything in life. This guy shut the door before it was even opened. End of discussion, moving on. As to your personal future, if something has not happened within the first few weeks/months of knowing the other person, it never will. That's just how it is.

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He did like you these last 2 years, hence the jealousy. He has a girlfriend now and his attention is to her, and rightly so.

 

 

He still likes you, just not romantically. And you work together. That's why the text.

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I am sorry to read that this happened to you for a variety of reasons. What happened? A few things which I will outline:

 

 

1) Your saying that you like him - It's fine to have a crush on someone, no argument there. However, if you are a woman and you say to the man that you have a crush on them, they will not be interested in you in the slightest. Facts are facts here. Act like you like them, they are no longer interested. When you really don't like a guy, they are all over you. I speak from experience. I think we have been exposed to so many talk shows, reality shows and whatnot that have encouraged us to be open and honest with our feelings and emotions, which includes telling others how we feel about them romantically. And it's all bogus. What does it get you? It gets you set up to fail and be humiliated as a woman.

 

 

2) His reaction - The man is an ass. A gigantic one. I don't have to know anything about him other than what you have said to know this about him first and foremost. Would he have been any different towards you had you not said it? I doubt it. It doesn't matter what he was or was not doing the entire two years you two have been in the same office, if he has not made a move towards you within a few weeks/months of working with you, he never will. Why? Either he has a gf (who I pity based on his behavior towards you), he's not interested in you, or he's not interested in dating those he works with.

 

 

3) The future - I hope you are able to have a pleasant relationship with him as you have no choice but to see each other in the office. You might as well pretend it never happened, he seems to want to as well. If not, then that's how it is I guess. Remember, communication is key to everything and anything in life. This guy shut the door before it was even opened. End of discussion, moving on. As to your personal future, if something has not happened within the first few weeks/months of knowing the other person, it never will. That's just how it is.

 

 

1. Not at all. Men like being pursued too. People like those who like them. Even if the feelings aren't reciprocated, I have never heard a man say 'what a dumbass for liking me'.

 

 

2. He has a gf, I fail to find the 'ass' in him. Perhaps both should have been clearer the 2 years they had a chance.

 

 

3. I agree.

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