A crazy no chemistry senario, NEED

[Skillchecker]

Hi, everyone. I'm in a strange situation and am not sure what to do.

 

I met this amazingly hot women last week. First off, before I even had the chance to approach her, SHE approached me. We talked for a while and then we started dating.

 

First date we hung, lots of laughs, overall a great time. She was certainly feeling me. Flirts, we touched alot when we laughed and talked. She on more than one occasion told me how hot she thought I was and how interesting etc. Night ended with a long kiss. (there was no lets go back to my place attitude, it was pure respect) She even texted me that same night/early morning if we could hang again sometime.

 

Second date, after alot of daily texting (she texted me everyday, way more often then i her but I wasnt a jerk at all.) She often went on about how easy I was to talk to etc. Good back and forth. So, fast forward a week later to date two. I brought her a single sunflower, she almost cried. She loved it! and kissed me. She remarked no guy has done that for her n years! We had dinner, had drinks, laughed and talked for a while. We even placed hoped and had an adventure. Lots of touching, kissing,talked dirty, late night public lewdness. She wanted to take me back to her place but she really had to get up early for work (i believe her). So she suggested we go to her place next time, order pizza and...you get the point.

 

Date three, last night. As a spur of the moment hangout. I work in the wine trade, and she often begged to hang out with me if I was at a tasting. So I invited her. (We where planning to go to her place this weekend already) She was excited, we hungout, got drunk obviously. She said she loved it! This time not as aggressivly kissy but I didnt sweat it. I asked her if she was having a good time and she animatingly responded with excitement and said she was having a blast. We kissed a little bit her and there but it was cute. Night was over, we could the same train and talked. She went on about how she liked hanging with me and how she was very curious about how much fun sex was going to be. Got to her stop kissed her goodnight. She asked me to text her when i got home. I texted her but no answer, I assume she was sleeping.

 

She texted me this morning, saying she had so much fun. Now later today she sends me the strangest text about I seem really cool but she not feeling the chemistry. Wtf!? Confused i asked is everything ok? Did I do something? Short story is she said shes just feeling a friend vibe. This chick wanted to bang me on more than one occasion, and just last night was dying to find out how good the sex was going to be. So (although very annoyed) I responded I really enjoyed hanging with her and thought she was a beautiful women. And no hard feelings, best of luck.

 

5 hours later a get a text from her saying, If youre interested in getting drinks as friends, shed be down. And we had alot to talk about and had so much fun. If im not interested then no worries. WTf!? I havnt responded yet. Its been about an hour. Im not sure what I missed so first question can someone explain the female flake factor here?? And two how should i respond? I did like her but points where lost for this unless theres some unusual level of validity. But I confess I at least want to hookup after all of this flirtatious effort and build up. Thoughts?

[deathandtaxes]

She wanted sex. She didn't get any by the third date. She lost interest.

[todreaminblue]

saying you wonder what the sex would be like sort of point to all she was thinking about....not a serious relationship contender...

[Mo_Do]

You're dealing with a highly confused woman - and this is probably just a pull back on her part.

 

OR its her way of letting you know this is only a f**k buddy arrangement, because that's what's going to happen after those drinks "as friends" but she won't be labeled your girlfriend.

 

I dunno man, I'd probably try to hit it at least once but I can see you are already invested for more than that, so it might be right to call her and ask her what the hell is going on, and depending on her answers, stay or bail.

[Mo_Do]

This was your problem. You gave her too much respect.

 

 

 

I second this. She's flaky. She was obviously trying to get laid, and you were being too slow about it. Some other guy probably swooped in and had sex with her on the first date. Early worm gets the girl.

 

Are you 18 by any chance?

 

Ridiculous answers.

[Skillchecker]

She wanted sex. She didn't get any by the third date. She lost interest.

 

I see what youre saying and its possible you might be right idk. But the strange part is we had plans to hookup this weekend. Thats what I dont get. She wanted sex, then why flake? Im puzzled.

 

So should I proceed with the hangout friend crap just puff and pass? Whatever girlfriend qualities I thought she had got tossed with this weirdness.

[Skillchecker]

You're dealing with a highly confused woman - and this is probably just a pull back on her part.

 

I was thinking it could be anything from an ex popping up to who knows wtf.

 

OR its her way of letting you know this is only a f**k buddy arrangement, because that's what's going to happen after those drinks "as friends" but she won't be labeled your girlfriend.

 

I dont mind this as I confess she is very hot. But I cant take her seriously anymore at this point.

 

I dunno man, I'd probably try to hit it at least once but I can see you are already invested for more than that, so it might be right to call her and ask her what the hell is going on, and depending on her answers, stay or bail.

 

Its true I did invest heavy into this but better her armor chips now then later if we where to maybe get serious. There are other females circling about but I admit she was high on my list for "something more". And yea Ill call her and see what happens.

Edited July 11, 2014 by Skillchecker

[Thegreatestthing]

I'm notoriously flakey ,but this girl truly is flakey ,feelings are really not a set thing they are always going to fluctuate I was feeling really keen on this guy yesterday just couldn't stop thinking of him,now he's acting keen I'm all so so on him ,you were probably acting very into her and it was putting her off a bit reply to her text in a few hours saying perhaps or yes and just see what happens.she does seem flakey though

[Skillchecker]

saying you wonder what the sex would be like sort of point to all she was thinking about....not a serious relationship contender...

 

Or I just could be that hot! lmao! Nah, youre right, shes certainly not a contender.

[Mike B.]

I'll tell you what happened, OP. This girl is on the rebound from a recent relationship. The thought of getting over her ex with someone really nice gave her so much excitement initially but that excitement eventually died down. You could have had sex with her, if that's what you wanted, while things were on the steepest upswing. If you don't catch the sweet spot then you are out of luck. No matter what you did, even if you gave her great sex, things would have eventually ended soon.

[Andy_K]

In footballing terms, you missed an open goal so you haven't been selected for the penalty shoot-out

[Skillchecker]

So overall the general consensus is I shouldve pressed for the tail a bit harder sooner? Like I said we had plans to hookup this weekend which befuddles me. UPDATE: She texts me back after I texted her a question mark. So shes talking all of this she really wants to still hang out, as friends If I still want to but she wants to give a little time first garbage. I pretty much told her its all whatevers. And that shes got my number if she wants to get into trouble, but other than that keep it classy. She responds with lol I might just do that, who knows. I dont particularly care what she thinks at this point. Shes been downgraded to a puff and pass. This could be an elaborate **** test, or some old boyfriend or other dude stepped in idk. I dont plan on contacting her ever again unless she hits me up. But as a learning lesson, Im thinking I should be more keen on taking advantage of that window of opportunity. Is this correct thinking?

Edited July 11, 2014 by Skillchecker

[Mike B.]

But as a learning lesson, Im thinking I should be more keen on taking advantage of that window of opportunity. Is this correct thinking?

 

 

This sort of thinking is not popular around here but it is my philosophy.

You might as well enjoy yourself while you can. You don't want to accumulate years of bad dating stories and not much pleasure out of them. If you are two consenting adults and if you are attracted to her, you might as well take the opportunity rather than trying to impress her by being some fairy tale figure.

 

This is worth emphasizing. If you are really into a woman and she is giving you this opportunity, take it. Don't wait for next weekend. Stuff turns on a dime out here in the dating world as a rule.

 

This right here -

" Lots of touching, kissing,talked dirty, late night public lewdness. She wanted to take me back to her place but she really had to get up early for work (i believe her). So she suggested we go to her place next time, order pizza and...you get the point."

 

This was the time to push, dude. I would have definitely had my mouth running to get back to her place despite her work schedule. Forget working early in the morning! People sacrifice sleep for sex all the time. Your coworker with the messy hair and bloodshot eyes stayed up all night picking up an extra shift in the bedroom.

 

When you go out on dates, keep your eyes and ears wide constantly open for these cues then you have to go to work or go in to work sleepy the next day.

[Andy_K]

But as a learning lesson, Im thinking I should be more keen on taking advantage of that window of opportunity. Is this correct thinking?

 

It's very rare for a girl to be less interested or disappear after sex. Even the ones who don't want anything serious will normally prefer to stick with the same guy rather than make new 'conquests' every week.

 

It's very common for a girl to disappear before you've had sex. Whether it's because her mood changes with the wind, another guy comes into the picture, or something else entirely.

 

Draw your own conclusions!

[Diezel]

She put you in the friend spot because you didn't hit her G-Spot.

 

That's why she gets the friend vibe. She's LJBFing you because she feels like you did that already to her.

[PerfectStorm]

Female prospective. You got friend zoned because you weren't aggressive enough.

[Skillchecker]

Everyone, thanks again for the solid advice! You all where a big help. The hilarity of it all is that im not usually like that with women im dealing with on a common level. But because I actually liked this one I foolishly toned it down a notch, perhaps respected her a bit too much in hopes of a bigger payoff. Im such a silly wabbit! But you live and learn! Thanks again.

[FitChick]

She is an alcoholic who wants someone to pay for her drinks.

[Mike B.]

But because I actually liked this one I foolishly toned it down a notch,.

 

 

Good you realize this. When you DON'T like her is when you tone it down a notch. I have never known a woman who was interested in me that was turned off by my advances. She may say no but she won't put a hit out on you.

[I am Bud]

Dear Skillchecker

 

It seems like your post has wrapped up nicely with some nice comments from people on this forum. If I may add my 50 cents worth, I think that you have literally dodged the bullet on this one. Whilst it wasn't very nice of her to throw you into the friendship basket, it was better for her to have done so now rather than later.

 

Had you guys shared an intimate experience it would have been that much more of a kick in the guts but since you guys only shared a few dates it will be easier for you to dismiss her as an odd occurrence. (which you have done)

 

Her mood change, although a bit odd does not reflect someone who is flaky in my books. Being that she approached you initially, tells me that she is an experienced campaigner who knows the dating game and is able to pick up on vibes from guys and then just goes for it. No woman is that straight forward and confident unless she has had previous dating game experience. I have a feeling that you are not the first nor the last guy that this will happen too.

 

To the extent that she said that "no guy had done it for her in years" when you gave her that single sunflower tells me that you are not the typical guy that she is used to dating. I'm guessing that all her previous boyfriends were probably inconsiderate douchebags whom she tried to tame but she winded up being too clingy so they ditched her.

 

I think that she is way too caught up in her own hyped up reality to see that the type of guys that she likes are not in it for the long term but short term gains. So she is not able to accept a nice guy if he stood right in front of her face. The more that a guy dismisses her the more that she yearns for his company. I think that we all know women who like the bad boys so to speak. So yeah, I think that if you want a nice girlfriend than you should stay away from this one and not think about an event that got away.

 

All the best - Bud

[Skillchecker]

It's very rare for a girl to be less interested or disappear after sex. Even the ones who don't want anything serious will normally prefer to stick with the same guy rather than make new 'conquests' every week.

 

It's very common for a girl to disappear before you've had sex. Whether it's because her mood changes with the wind, another guy comes into the picture, or something else entirely.

 

Draw your own conclusions!

 

Very true, I couldnt agree more.

 

Good you realize this. When you DON'T like her is when you tone it down a notch. I have never known a woman who was interested in me that was turned off by my advances. She may say no but she won't put a hit out on you.

 

Great point!

 

Dear Skillchecker

 

It seems like your post has wrapped up nicely with some nice comments from people on this forum. If I may add my 50 cents worth, I think that you have literally dodged the bullet on this one. Whilst it wasn't very nice of her to throw you into the friendship basket, it was better for her to have done so now rather than later.

 

Had you guys shared an intimate experience it would have been that much more of a kick in the guts but since you guys only shared a few dates it will be easier for you to dismiss her as an odd occurrence. (which you have done)

 

Her mood change, although a bit odd does not reflect someone who is flaky in my books. Being that she approached you initially, tells me that she is an experienced campaigner who knows the dating game and is able to pick up on vibes from guys and then just goes for it. No woman is that straight forward and confident unless she has had previous dating game experience. I have a feeling that you are not the first nor the last guy that this will happen too.

 

To the extent that she said that "no guy had done it for her in years" when you gave her that single sunflower tells me that you are not the typical guy that she is used to dating. I'm guessing that all her previous boyfriends were probably inconsiderate douchebags whom she tried to tame but she winded up being too clingy so they ditched her.

 

I think that she is way too caught up in her own hyped up reality to see that the type of guys that she likes are not in it for the long term but short term gains. So she is not able to accept a nice guy if he stood right in front of her face. The more that a guy dismisses her the more that she yearns for his company. I think that we all know women who like the bad boys so to speak. So yeah, I think that if you want a nice girlfriend than you should stay away from this one and not think about an event that got away.

 

All the best - Bud

 

This was quite a good observation. Its funny because I could actually see all of these elements now that you put it together. Thanks for this. Great clarity on your part.

[GemmaUK]

Now later today she sends me the strangest text about I seem really cool but she not feeling the chemistry. Wtf!? Confused i asked is everything ok? Did I do something? Short story is she said shes just feeling a friend vibe.

 

This bit stuck out to me.

She was making all the advances and it sounds like you were just hanging back and waiting for her to make them.

That's why she got the vibe from you that you only wanted to be friends.

 

She didn't put you in the friendzone. Your lack of action (and not just reaction) made her feel like you were putting her in the friendzone.

 

I've been in her situ before and much as I am confident enough etc to make the first few moves I don't want to be the only one initiating all of the time.

[KatZee]

I don't necessarily think she was looking for just a fk buddy, or that you should have pushed harder.

 

More realistically, she was probably circular dating. She was probably seeing you and someone else, or you and a few someone else's. I'd say someone else locked her down before you did. Which doesn't mean you did anything wrong, you guys only met up THREE times. There could have been a guy around for months, you will never know.

 

At the end of the day, you two just weren't meant to be together, that's it. That doesn't mean push for sex at date one with someone else, or rush at some crazy speed just because you think you'll miss out.

[Eternal Sunshine]

She just wasn't feeling it for whatever reason.

 

Maybe you are not good at reading signs. I know that guys often think that I am far more interested in them than I really am. Just because she was super flirty/kissing/texting doesn't mean she didn't do the same with 3 other guys.

 

You only have a snapshot of her time with you and you have no idea what's going on in her life in parallel or what kind of person she is with other guys.

 

It seems to me that you over estimated her interest because of her high initiation. Another confusing bit of female logic: when I am not that into a guy I initiate far more than when I am into a guy (then I measure every word, every text, every touch etc)...

[Skillchecker]

It seems to me that you over estimated her interest because of her high initiation. Another confusing bit of female logic: when I am not that into a guy I initiate far more than when I am into a guy (then I measure every word, every text, every touch etc)...

 

You are correct! That is confusing.