Sweett Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Just posing this question...i'm 35 and had an interest in someone but he's only 26...i thought about this even went out with him a few times and really liked him but when i really sat down and conversed with him about the future its not gonna work. He lives at home with his parents, has no job, and said he has no desire to work. He has had semi decent jobs but i don't know if he quit them or got fired. He gets some type of income from online gambling and is holding out on this hope to play arena football before he's 28 but his first tryout was a failure. He has a degree but does not seem motivated to want to do anything work wise. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 He sounds like he has great potential for a FWB arrangement -- young & in shape enough to play competitive sports. He doesn't sound like my ideal mate for a LTR. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Just posing this question...i'm 35 and had an interest in someone but he's only 26...i thought about this even went out with him a few times and really liked him but when i really sat down and conversed with him about the future its not gonna work. He lives at home with his parents, has no job, and said he has no desire to work. He has had semi decent jobs but i don't know if he quit them or got fired. He gets some type of income from online gambling and is holding out on this hope to play arena football before he's 28 but his first tryout was a failure. He has a degree but does not seem motivated to want to do anything work wise. I don't see why the question is about his age when the real problem is EVERYTHING else. Would it be more acceptable if he was still doing the same stuff just older? I don't think his age is the concern here. No I wouldn't date a guy 9 years younger, esp at this age, as he'd still be a teenager. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Just posing this question...i'm 35 and had an interest in someone but he's only 26...i thought about this even went out with him a few times and really liked him but when i really sat down and conversed with him about the future its not gonna work. He lives at home with his parents, has no job, and said he has no desire to work. He has had semi decent jobs but i don't know if he quit them or got fired. He gets some type of income from online gambling and is holding out on this hope to play arena football before he's 28 but his first tryout was a failure. He has a degree but does not seem motivated to want to do anything work wise. Age is only a number for the most part unless it is ridiculously extreme. A lot of guys in their 20's are mature and many in their 40's are completely immature. This is only as a general statement. Maybe I am completely missing something. But, I am not sure if this specific man is really mature enough for anything at all. Does not sound like he is at the point you are in life. Unless you are looking for a little fun, you may want to move on and wait for another possible prospect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cheshire_cat Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 The age difference doesn't bother me. I'm the older woman in my relationship (33 to his 27)but I agree with MissBee...the age is the least of the problems here. If you are looking for someone to just have fun with, then this might be your guy. But this is not someone to date seriously or a potential relationship with any long term future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I think you have to have the same mental age......the same mentality, the same life direction......if you don't it will fail...deb 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I don't see why the question is about his age when the real problem is EVERYTHING else. Would it be more acceptable if he was still doing the same stuff just older? I don't think his age is the concern here. No I wouldn't date a guy 9 years younger, esp at this age, as he'd still be a teenager. I agree with MissBee. The title of the thread is deceiving. To answer the topic of the thread, I would have no problem dating someone 9 years younger. Hell, my partner now is 13 years younger than me and it works. I don't think age is the issue but rather the bigger picture. I've met plenty of men who were younger than me that had their sh*t together better than men my age or older who preferred to act like little boys then the men they were. Age is irrelevant. It's what you have in common and if you're both on the same page about life and love and whatever else is important to each of you that makes all the difference. Having common interests and being on the same page about everything from 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I slept with a 19 year old when I was 26 and I met an 18 year old the other day that insisted on walking me to an information night who I would have considered due to him not acting immature. NO though, definitely not. Too young. We age faster than men. Even women like me who look a little young for their age with nice skin. Wayyyyy too young. Ugh. I mean, honestly, my boyfriend thinks I am the most attractive women on the earth but personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable looking older than a man later down the track as we age. Guys like my boyfriend wouldn't care at all, it is more a individual thing; are you comfortable with potentially looking older than your partner and less attractive than him? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I slept with a 19 year old when I was 26 and I met an 18 year old the other day that insisted on walking me to an information night who I would have considered due to him not acting immature. NO though, definitely not. Too young. We age faster than men. Even women like me who look a little young for their age with nice skin. Wayyyyy too young. Ugh. I mean, honestly, my boyfriend thinks I am the most attractive women on the earth but personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable looking older than a man later down the track as we age. Guys like my boyfriend wouldn't care at all, it is more a individual thing; are you comfortable with potentially looking older than your partner and less attractive than him? Really? Who says? You sound terribly vain. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 No.. I have tried and that's not for me. Your guy's immaturity and lack of ambition would be a big turn off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cunning_Linguist Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I slept with a 19 year old when I was 26 and I met an 18 year old the other day that insisted on walking me to an information night who I would have considered due to him not acting immature. NO though, definitely not. Too young. We age faster than men. Even women like me who look a little young for their age with nice skin. Wayyyyy too young. Ugh. I mean, honestly, my boyfriend thinks I am the most attractive women on the earth but personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable looking older than a man later down the track as we age. Guys like my boyfriend wouldn't care at all, it is more a individual thing; are you comfortable with potentially looking older than your partner and less attractive than him? Vain and extremely insecure. There are more factors to attraction than looks. For some people. I agree with everyone who has said that age is just a number. It's all about the connection. If you connect with someone it shouldn't matter how old they are. I've dated women much older than me (anywhere from 5-25 years older), and often I had more "experienced", or I guess, "developed", views on certain things than them. Experience matters, but so does perspective, ability to grow, and personality. As for this guy, just because his life doesn't look awesome on paper, doesn't mean he doesn't have value. Sometimes you invest in the potential of something. Sometimes you invest in something just to have a good time, doesn't have to be a long term investment. If you enjoy spending time with him, than go for it. He might make you happy, and if he doesn't, there are plenty of men out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Really? Who says? You sound terribly vain. Because I don't wish to look significantly older than a man? I would not pass up the love of my life if he was 10 years younger, but you know, I would strongly prefer NOT to look a lot older than a partner. I have a preference for men my own age or slightly older. Nothing vain about that. My preference for men is no more vain than you probably not wanting to date a man you found very physically unappealing. I have dated obese, overweight bald, short, etc men so trust me I am deff not shallow when it comes to selecting partners, I am not about 6 packs or what not. That is my simply perspective; not wanting to look a lot older than a partner. Not sure why that is vein but hey. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Vain and extremely insecure. There are more factors to attraction than looks. For some people. QUOTE] Right so I only care about looks in my partners. That is why I give all men a chance no matter what they look like? I am not one of those woman that needs a tall man, an attractive man, or a fit man. I have dated obese, overweight and men and never once chose a partner based on how nice his body or face was. I simply don't want a partner to look significantly older OR younger than myself. I am not sure how this very reasonable preference is shallow. Picking partners based on looks alone is shallow - I have never done that before. I love a nice smile and I have one myself, yet my first long term R had awful teeth but you know what, it didn't bother me one bit. You should probably know what you are talking about before you assume a person chooses all relationships based on looks. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 He doesn't sound like he has much going for him to begin with, but then again I have been with my fair share of losers over the years. Quite honestly, it sounds like you are just interested in each others' bodies not your minds or any other long term potential. If you are just interested in sex, then that's all it is. Because that's what it sounds like it's all it is. As long as you're clear about what it is and what it isn't, no harm in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweett Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 No.. I have tried and that's not for me. Your guy's immaturity and lack of ambition would be a big turn off. I agree with this and all others in that he is immature. Here i am with a house and bills and he has nothing but student loan debt that he told me he was in default on so no ambition and a credit history that won't ever get him anywhere all the negatives outweigh the positives. Very attractive and a lot of fun but i really do want long term so i guess on to the next . Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I agree with this and all others in that he is immature. Here i am with a house and bills and he has nothing but student loan debt that he told me he was in default on so no ambition and a credit history that won't ever get him anywhere all the negatives outweigh the positives. Very attractive and a lot of fun but i really do want long term so i guess on to the next . I was concerned about my boyfriend on similar financial issues so I just had a talk to him about it. I explained that I am only doing minimum wage jobs until I graduate but then I wan to strive to get a better paid job to support me and a family should that be what I want in the next ten years. I volunteer in related fields to my degree and am trying hard to put myself in a position to better support myself" I then said " I fear that due to your situation, if I ever want a family you may not be motivated enough to do what you need to do to try and earn more money that is needed to do things I may want to do later on" He said I had nothing to worry about, he is motivated as I am and he is definitely on the same page as me. If you like this guy, you have good chemistry and he seems like a really nice person, you could always try to have a discussion about your concerns and see if you both want to try to move past them at this early stage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweett Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Vain and extremely insecure. There are more factors to attraction than looks. For some people. I agree with everyone who has said that age is just a number. It's all about the connection. If you connect with someone it shouldn't matter how old they are. I've dated women much older than me (anywhere from 5-25 years older), and often I had more "experienced", or I guess, "developed", views on certain things than them. Experience matters, but so does perspective, ability to grow, and personality. As for this guy, just because his life doesn't look awesome on paper, doesn't mean he doesn't have value. Sometimes you invest in the potential of something. Sometimes you invest in something just to have a good time, doesn't have to be a long term investment. If you enjoy spending time with him, than go for it. He might make you happy, and if he doesn't, there are plenty of men out there. The connection was there but the downfall is he'd have to break a lot of dates because he could not afford to take me so i saw this as a problem and then i started thinking this won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweett Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 I was concerned about my boyfriend on similar financial issues so I just had a talk to him about it. I explained that I am only doing minimum wage jobs until I graduate but then I wan to strive to get a better paid job to support me and a family should that be what I want in the next ten years. I volunteer in related fields to my degree and am trying hard to put myself in a position to better support myself" I then said " I fear that due to your situation, if I ever want a family you may not be motivated enough to do what you need to do to try and earn more money that is needed to do things I may want to do later on" He said I had nothing to worry about, he is motivated as I am and he is definitely on the same page as me. If you like this guy, you have good chemistry and he seems like a really nice person, you could always try to have a discussion about your concerns and see if you both want to try to move past them at this early stage. He doesn't want to work but he wants a relationship and have kids and i refuse to take care of him and a child... No way! Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) He doesn't want to work but he wants a relationship and have kids and i refuse to take care of him and a child... No way! Okay so he has said indefinitely that he does not want to work, yet still have a child? Well then you have your answer. I personally don't know if I want children, in fact I am leaning against the idea HOWEVER; I want the option of having a child if I change my mind, and I don't want to be the sole supporter of me, a partner AND a child:sick: I don't even mind if a man has a low income, my partner will likely never make above a full time minimum wage and that is if he is lucky (he only works part time, and I am not even sure he is capable of working full time). He has a mild disability that limits his ability to earn money in a full time paid job. However, he is such a wonderful person and he looks after me very well, we have great chemistry and he can at least support himself and he does genuinely want to try his best to earn more if it is at all possible. He has held the same job for over ten years. No degree or official qualifications. I figure if we were to have kids at least he works and can support himself, I don't mind being the higher earner at all or having to support myself and the child, as long as he can at least support himself (feed, cloth, afford transport and every day living expenses like contributing towards a mortgage). This guy sounds like he wants a woman to be the primary supporter while he does... whatever he wants to do to fulfil his own personal agenda. This is not bad since many women are stay at home mothers and are supported by a partner. I have a friend who is 50, she is a lot of fun and her partner earns enough to support her; she was a stay at home mother to their three children and she does not HAVE to work at all. However, I admire the fact she WANTS to work; she didn't go out and get a college education after having a child at age 17 to her husband, but she does event work serving drinks, she does book keeping and she DOES work part time. She values being independent and having her own spending money even if she isn't earning a lot. She doesn't want to have to ask her partner for gas money every time she goes out and runs out of petrol; he bought the car, but she at least likes to go out and afford her own drinks, to fill up petrol and to buy her friends birthday gifts using her own money. Edited July 9, 2014 by Leigh 87 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 As someone else said, the problem with this guy is EVERYTHING ELSE not his age! I would bet he will still be like that in 10 years. I don't think these are immaturity issues they are character issues. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Men are generally more attracted to youth and good looks it's not unreasonable to not want to look older than your partner,it's just how it is,there are a few exceptions I can think of. That said I would definitely go out with someone younger,I look young anyway (as I'm 10 percent Asian) I'm nearly always attracted to those younger than me,but I would worry about the aging thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justhadto Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 No,as I would be a cuffed and booked. If I were 30 and he 21... Nope. 35 and 26 is a bit of an age gap. Also,he is a lazy bum with no goals. NO!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
justhadto Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Men are generally more attracted to youth and good looks it's not unreasonable to not want to look older than your partner,it's just how it is,there are a few exceptions I can think of. That said I would definitely go out with someone younger,I look young anyway (as I'm 10 percent Asian) I'm nearly always attracted to those younger than me,but I would worry about the aging thing. only 10%???? Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 It was enough to give me round Asian baby type face. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Conners Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 My boyfriend is younger than me by a couple of years, it's more of a big deal since it was teenager/early twenties so it seemed like a bigger gap. I always say "age is only a number" but this guy sounds pretty immature for 26. you don't want to be "mothering" him Link to post Share on other sites
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