ajk1211 Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Hi all Hoping for another opinion or two on something that whilst I think know the answer to, am curious to get an extra opinion or two... A girl I have met through my adult education classes seemed pretty cool and whilst I gradually got to know her, she was always in a relationship. Towards the end of the year I found out she was single and eventually after some text contact, asked her out on a date to which she accepted The date seemed to go well apart from an awkward end when I dropped her off and we sort of hugged/bumped heads (cringe!), I hadn't planned on doing anything so she took me by surprise is my excuse lol I was so mortified that I text some 30 minutes later saying I had a good time and would like to meet again as a) a way of trying to overwrite the awkwardness and b) to reinforce my genuine wish to see her again I didn't receive a reply to this text for some 3 days and there was no mention of the date and no mention of meeting up again even though the last words she said were "see you soon" when I saw her last I waited a couple of days to respond and tried to be cocky and funny and joking she was being hard to get and ask if she was free in a few days, again no reply for 3 days. Then I get a reply which is perfectly pleasant acknowledging that she is rubbish at replying to texts but again ignores my date question. All I get is saying it would be a good to go out for drinks in our class group in a months time! How do you respond to that?!? I will certainly see this girl by at least September for another year of class so don't want that to be awkward but also don't want to lose anymore pride I guess lol after I've put out there that I am interested My thoughts are to text back in 2-3 days being perfectly polite and say that I may not be able to make drinks as I will be on holiday (this is true rather than being any kind of game) but that it would be good to go out if I'm about and generally wish her well What do people think? Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Let it go. Don't send another text. You'll dig a bigger hole if you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ajk1211 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 Thanks Elle, The only thing with the last text was that it was a direct question asking if I am coming out Whilst I don't plan on using my text reply as an opportunity to be flirtatious or ask her out, a non reply in my opinion would look very rude and also seem as if she's got under my skin (granted she has lol but don't want her to think that!) I'll have to see this girl again and I've known her for a while before I thought of her romantically. She could just tell me to get lost but figure she is trying to be nice and let me down gently which in a way is kinda sweet Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 She's not interested. She would of jumped on the chance for the next date if she was. She has to still respond to you because you're in class together. Let it go. Just text back something like 'yes, see you in class have a great summer'. That way she sees you get it your no fool and she just may think twice about ignoring you the way she has. Either way move on to someone who shows interest. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Thanks Elle, The only thing with the last text was that it was a direct question asking if I am coming out Whilst I don't plan on using my text reply as an opportunity to be flirtatious or ask her out, a non reply in my opinion would look very rude and also seem as if she's got under my skin (granted she has lol but don't want her to think that!) I'll have to see this girl again and I've known her for a while before I thought of her romantically. She could just tell me to get lost but figure she is trying to be nice and let me down gently which in a way is kinda sweet You're emotionally involved. Treat it as you'd treat anything else. The fact that you will see her in September shouldn't change that. She didn't hesitate treating you as a second thought, do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ajk1211 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 Oh I know I am emotionally involved, wish I wasn't Just originally felt either a non or obviously intentionally blasé reply wouldn't reflect well on me Think this frame of mind might be influenced by some other dating advice I've read on the subject alluding to it being better to be cool about the whole thing. Seems to suggest you have everything to gain by being 'cool' and positive in that you retain a friend, maybe get talked up to her girlfriends or even allow for something to happen in the future Not saying any of that will necessarily happen, just a thought Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Oh I know I am emotionally involved, wish I wasn't Just originally felt either a non or obviously intentionally blasé reply wouldn't reflect well on me Think this frame of mind might be influenced by some other dating advice I've read on the subject alluding to it being better to be cool about the whole thing. Seems to suggest you have everything to gain by being 'cool' and positive in that you retain a friend, maybe get talked up to her girlfriends or even allow for something to happen in the future Not saying any of that will necessarily happen, just a thought As HappyLove suggested, replying a "yes, see you in class have a great summer" is a good answer. It's not blasé, it's just cool and laid back "got better things to do!". And leave it a that. Why would you want to be friends with someone who rejected you the way she did? She didn't say "hey, I value our friendship. I am just not romantically interested". Instead, she ignored what you had to say and took 3 days to answer. I mean how much crap are you willing to take? So.. up to you.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ajk1211 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 That's a really good point Elle, thanks I'm not saying we were great friends before we went out on a date, we never spoke outside of class as she was in a relationship so I never pursued it The text situation was sparse even before we went out so in effect, things haven't got worse in terms of response times but following the date you'd hope they'd get better , but alas not! I know she isn't interested and am honestly not trying to defend her 100% either so please don't take the advice you are kindly giving as not being appreciated Maybe not in my nature to hold a grudge... Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Holding a grudge would translate into you getting nasty. Valuing yourself translates into walking away, and leaving the "doormat way of thinking" on her front step. If she had been nice about it, and had at least acknowledged your interest in her, even if she had rejected you, that would be another story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ajk1211 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 You raise a good point again My intention was to walk away but try and offer an air of indifference and try and come out of it with an air of respect Might reconsider in light of what I've read Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 You raise a good point again My intention was to walk away but try and offer an air of indifference and try and come out of it with an air of respect Might reconsider in light of what I've read As of right now, you're not a nice guy, you're acting like a doormat. I know Chi Town was talking about that book "No more mister nice guy". I heard it was a good book that men and women should read. Get it on your tablet if you have one, 2 min to DL and voila! Being nice/respectful is a long shot from accepting anything a girl throws at you. Hey don't get me wrong, I have been in your shoes. A lot of people have. Live and learn. Don't forget to learn though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ajk1211 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 The "doormat" comment is perhaps a bit much given I haven't exactly been blowing up this girls phone and calling her all the time We had a date, I text saying I had fun and would do it again, she took a while to reply and ignored the 2nd date comment and as kind of a last resort I tried again and tried to be the dreaded 'cocky and funny' Not saying it worked but at least I know where I stand I implore you to look up the 'Art of Charm' podcast and specifically episode 208. The advice on there should give you an idea as to where I am pitching Link to post Share on other sites
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