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Last minute dates?


waiting4u

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Now I know I tend to make excuses for men I really like, but I'm wondering if I should been the rules for this one. He tends to be sort of last-minute with his date suggestions. I've turned him down a number of times and finally caved last week. Had a crazy good time and now I'm interested.

 

So let me just say that this one does a number of things properly: 1) He CALLS instead of texts; 2) He calls nearly every day and several times after our first date (last Thurs); 3) He pursued me for two weeks via telephone before I agreed to go out with him (I met him online and was wary); 4) He seems interested and there's good chemistry (lots of kissing :love:)

 

Here's the problem - he works a LOT. He's a builder and owns a business that operates in three counties, so 5 days a week he is traveling and out of town. He left Friday and will be back Wednesday and on the phone he said "I hope I can see you again when I get back." I was playful in my response, so we don't have a definite date (my fault, I know), but it's implied. So tomorrow I'm imagining he'll get home and expect me to see him that night and maybe even the next (since he's only in town a few days). I should accommodate his schedule?

 

For you skeptics: I know he's not married - his Facebook page says "single" and he has over 500 "friends" so it appears to be legit. Also, I looked up his business and it does have offices in three counties.

 

I don't want to seem too available, but this man seems generally hardworking and I don't want to be crazy difficult either.

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It all sounds good.

I myself like to call up women and just ask to go out that night.

Its much more fun - No one has to magically change into another person, and its so casual.

 

You'd have a sexy little comeback if you care about him enough, if he asks you if you had any plans. You'll say something like "I knew you were gonna ask me to go out, so I was ready for you"

- I feel you could also be setting yourself up for disappointment if he doesnt call

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regine_phalange
Now I know I tend to make excuses for men I really like, but I'm wondering if I should been the rules for this one. He tends to be sort of last-minute with his date suggestions. I've turned him down a number of times and finally caved last week. Had a crazy good time and now I'm interested.

 

So let me just say that this one does a number of things properly: 1) He CALLS instead of texts; 2) He calls nearly every day and several times after our first date (last Thurs); 3) He pursued me for two weeks via telephone before I agreed to go out with him (I met him online and was wary); 4) He seems interested and there's good chemistry (lots of kissing :love:)

 

Here's the problem - he works a LOT. He's a builder and owns a business that operates in three counties, so 5 days a week he is traveling and out of town. He left Friday and will be back Wednesday and on the phone he said "I hope I can see you again when I get back." I was playful in my response, so we don't have a definite date (my fault, I know), but it's implied. So tomorrow I'm imagining he'll get home and expect me to see him that night and maybe even the next (since he's only in town a few days). I should accommodate his schedule?

 

For you skeptics: I know he's not married - his Facebook page says "single" and he has over 500 "friends" so it appears to be legit. Also, I looked up his business and it does have offices in three counties.

 

I don't want to seem too available, but this man seems generally hardworking and I don't want to be crazy difficult either.

 

1. Even hardworking people can book a date at least two days before arriving in town. The only people I go out with last minute is my best friend and my mum. Or a long term boyfriend who is also capable of making plans beforehand.

2. Don't wait on him. Don't you have your own schedule? If he calls you when you have decided that you will watch a dvd (for instance), then don't go out with him. Tell him that you are doing something else, but that you'd love to plan something beforehand, because you are also a busy girl.

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I definitely have my own plans! Lol I'm not sitting around waiting or anything. I have some things scheduled with friends both tomorrow and the next day, but they are both early in the evening, so no reason I can't double up. I just wonder if accepting last minute things is proper.

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regine_phalange
I definitely have my own plans! Lol I'm not sitting around waiting or anything. I have some things scheduled with friends both tomorrow and the next day, but they are both early in the evening, so no reason I can't double up. I just wonder if accepting last minute things is proper.

 

Everything is proper. It's not about being ladylike.

 

But if you always accept last minute dates from a person (any person) it's like giving them the right to do whatever they please, whenever they please. Unless of course you also ask them on dates at the last minute, so the situation is reciprocal and balanced.

 

If I were you I would ask him nicely and sweetly to make plans at least a day before, because you want to make sure you will be available to see him. Or I would recommend a date in a certain day, and if he wasn't available I would ask him to recommend a certain day himself.

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Now I know I tend to make excuses for men I really like, but I'm wondering if I should been the rules for this one. He tends to be sort of last-minute with his date suggestions. I've turned him down a number of times and finally caved last week. Had a crazy good time and now I'm interested.

 

So let me just say that this one does a number of things properly: 1) He CALLS instead of texts; 2) He calls nearly every day and several times after our first date (last Thurs); 3) He pursued me for two weeks via telephone before I agreed to go out with him (I met him online and was wary); 4) He seems interested and there's good chemistry (lots of kissing :love:)

 

Here's the problem - he works a LOT. He's a builder and owns a business that operates in three counties, so 5 days a week he is traveling and out of town. He left Friday and will be back Wednesday and on the phone he said "I hope I can see you again when I get back." I was playful in my response, so we don't have a definite date (my fault, I know), but it's implied. So tomorrow I'm imagining he'll get home and expect me to see him that night and maybe even the next (since he's only in town a few days). I should accommodate his schedule?

 

For you skeptics: I know he's not married - his Facebook page says "single" and he has over 500 "friends" so it appears to be legit. Also, I looked up his business and it does have offices in three counties.

 

I don't want to seem too available, but this man seems generally hardworking and I don't want to be crazy difficult either.

 

That's something you need to talk about now. Even though he's in another country, they have phones too there. Ask for 24 hours notice for a date. You have a life too... find your own words. If he can't get to a phone, email will do.

 

For now it's all find and dandy because the relationship is new, but put in place bad habits, and you will find yourself running to him every time he calls last minute.

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The Rules -- that oh so lovely (ha!) book about dating is really about self esteem.

 

If you don't feel used or like a second thought, it doesn't matter when somebody calls.

 

If the other person is taking advantage of you by knowing you will always be there as a back up plan if something better falls through, do not accept last minute dates.

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The Rules -- that oh so lovely (ha!) book about dating is really about self esteem.

 

If you don't feel used or like a second thought, it doesn't matter when somebody calls.

 

If the other person is taking advantage of you by knowing you will always be there as a back up plan if something better falls through, do not accept last minute dates.

 

What is last minute? The same day? Do I really need to follow that before Wed for a Saturday night date thing?

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Frank2thepoint
So let me just say that this one does a number of things properly: 1) He CALLS instead of texts; 2) He calls nearly every day and several times after our first date (last Thurs); 3) He pursued me for two weeks via telephone before I agreed to go out with him (I met him online and was wary); 4) He seems interested and there's good chemistry (lots of kissing :love:)

 

Here's the problem - he works a LOT. He's a builder and owns a business that operates in three counties, so 5 days a week he is traveling and out of town. He left Friday and will be back Wednesday and on the phone he said "I hope I can see you again when I get back." I was playful in my response, so we don't have a definite date (my fault, I know), but it's implied. So tomorrow I'm imagining he'll get home and expect me to see him that night and maybe even the next (since he's only in town a few days). I should accommodate his schedule?

 

So here are the facts. The guy chases you, he calls you, he asks you out, you two have chemistry, and you two have kissed. While he is busy with his business, he still manages to find time to call you (I'm assuming by the content of your post).

 

So the last conversation, he throws out a feeler that he wants to see you, and you don't take the initiative to set a date? Also, you know his schedule, you know when he will be back, and you know he wants to see you, yet you still think it is going to be a last minute date?

 

Really? How much more does this guy have to do?

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What is last minute? The same day? Do I really need to follow that before Wed for a Saturday night date thing?

 

 

Last minute is whatever you think it is.

 

Of course you don't have to play the silly Wednesday / Saturday thing.

 

If you want to go on the date, go whether the ask comes five minutes, five hours or five days before you go.

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Wow, OP hasn't even got the guy hooked and she's already trying to play hard to get :p. The whole 'miss independent' think can come off as really unattractive if you push it.

 

If he asks you out on the same day then you should accept 50% of the time, and offer a later date/time on the others or if you are actually busy.

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I'm generally not a fan of last minute dates. They make me feel like the guy just decided he had nothing better to do, rather than that he actually wanted to see me. In my experience, when a guy wants to see you, he makes a plan in advance. He doesn't wait until the last minute and act all wishy washy.

 

I don't care how busy he is, if he's calling nearly every day, why can't he make a plan with you during those calls? He knows full well that he's out of town from Friday until Wednesday. So why isn't he making darn sure you are available to see him on Wednesday or Thursday night when he's free? Why didn't he make these plans with you when he was with you and kissing you last Thursday? Why didn't he actually make a concrete plan to see you, rather than tell you he "hoped" he could see you when he got back?

 

Nothing is implied at this point. You've had one date. You have a life. Frankly, his schedule and availability is not something you should be worrying about. You shouldn't be that invested. (I know it's hard; I'm a planner, too.) If he's not smart enough to make plans with you on the two days when he's in town, that's his loss.

 

If he really wants to see you, he is going to figure this out quickly. You can be nice about turning him down, and drop him hints. "Gee, I wish you would've said something sooner, but I already made plans for tonight." Heck, I think you can even tell him flat out that he needs to give you a couple days' notice if he wants to get together.

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Wow, OP hasn't even got the guy hooked and she's already trying to play hard to get :p. The whole 'miss independent' think can come off as really unattractive if you push it.

 

If he asks you out on the same day then you should accept 50% of the time, and offer a later date/time on the others or if you are actually busy.

 

It's not playing miss independent. Miss independent would have him schedule a week before.

 

It's just a matter of putting boundaries in place. Everybody has different kind of boundaries. If a guy calls last minute, I'd feel like a second thought.

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Well he seems very attentive..and he has actually said he'll be around.

 

It's not exactly last minute...

 

If you can double up then I'd go for it if I were you.

It's a date, you're not agreeing to marry him.

 

If he calls then go if you can..and have fun! :)

 

One thing I learned a long time ago is that there is no passion without risk.

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regine_phalange
Wow, OP hasn't even got the guy hooked and she's already trying to play hard to get :p. The whole 'miss independent' think can come off as really unattractive if you push it.

 

If he asks you out on the same day then you should accept 50% of the time, and offer a later date/time on the others or if you are actually busy.

 

It's not about a miss independent thing. Some of us just don't like when a person (not only a man) keeps inviting us somewhere the last minute. Epecially if we don't know them that well, it can be a bit rude (and especially if you propose another day and they say "I don't know now, I will tell you that day, last minute again"). It's also psychological. If I have in my mind that I'm going to sit in my pyjamas the whole evening headbanging and eating nachos, I get disoriented when there is a sudden prospect of dining with a crush I hardly know, wearing high heels. And what about the temptress dress that's in the hamper? :p Sorry but no.

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Frank2thepoint
If I have in my mind that I'm going to sit in my pyjamas the whole evening headbanging and eating nachos, I get disoriented when there is a sudden prospect of dining with a crush I hardly know, wearing high heels. And what about the temptress dress that's in the hamper? :p Sorry but no.

 

My dear headbanging Scorpio, what if the man just wants to join you with headbanging the whole evening, and eating nachos in pajamas? :p

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regine_phalange
What is last minute? The same day? Do I really need to follow that before Wed for a Saturday night date thing?

 

I would accept a date that was proposed the day (or night) before, no matter what day it is. But this is personal.

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regine_phalange
My dear headbanging Scorpio, what if the man just wants to join you with headbanging the whole evening, and eating nachos in pajamas? :p

 

Hey, he can't know. That's my secret. :o

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