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Online relationship, is he needy? Encouraging bad relationship behaviors...

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Old 24th June 2014, 12:57 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2008
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Online relationship, is he needy? Encouraging bad relationship behaviors...

Hey guys,

So i'm involved in a strange relationship with someone online. It started in an online game similar to World of Warcraft and has progressed quite a bit. Essentially, I met a guy who is 6 years younger than me and lives across the country. Because we play this game together, we spend hours and hours each day talking(with a voice program). We are also facebook friends and exchange several texts per day and occasionally video chat. We have had sexual interactions over the voice program(not video), btw. This has been going on for 4 months.

We have not met in person, but he is trying to set something up in the coming months. I get from my interactions with him and what he has told me that he is not very experienced with women and relationships. He he had a few short flings, but ultimately the women involved chose to end it and he has never had an exclusive relationship.

On my end, I have struggled with occasionally being needy and I have worked at it quite a bit to end this, or at least not let it be obvious and affect the relationship. I also have issues with distrust in relationships and I often fear the worst too quickly and try to put up walls or distance myself when I think things aren't going my way. This leads too, on my end, me behaving erratically sometimes in relationships and scaring people away because I'm either too into them and act needy, or trying to break it off/distance myself to save my own feelings---often at the same time.

Any way, this guy I'm talking too seems to be pretty needy himself. He absolutely showers me with attention and pretty words, wants to talk all the time and seems to always welcome communication/interaction with me(and usually is the one seeking it out). He can occasionally act a little playfully possessive and seems to almost want me to exert control over him, which is very strange to me. He seems to actually encourage the bad behaviors I have tried to stop or quell in myself and I'm very confused about it. He seems quite pleased if I'm acting jealous or telling him not to do something because I want him to do it with me instead. He encourages me to act somewhat possessive also---all of these things I know are usually quite frowned upon in new relationships. For example, I told him I was concerned that I was getting too attached to him and his response was one of excitement, like that was great news because he was "too attached to me too"?

What on earth is up with this? Is it a desire to be wanted on his part because he hasn't had that in a relationship before? What kind of guy wants a controlling/possessive/jealous gf? Do you think this is neediness on his part, or him trying to curb my behaviors to match his own? I'm sort of confused on his behavior and I continue to suppress my own bad behaviors even if he's exhibiting some on his own. I have developed very strong feelings for him which he does return. What do you guys think about this?
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Old 24th June 2014, 1:11 PM   #2
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A guy who wants a possessive / controlling / jealous GF is immature. Somehow his wires got crossed & he thinks those things mean you care about him.
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Old 24th June 2014, 1:20 PM   #3
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This isn't normal/healthy.

I'd distance myself asap if I were you.
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Old 24th June 2014, 3:20 PM   #4
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Love is giving.
Love is not possessive.

You guys dont know each other IRL, so some of the norms are blurred.

Keep us posted on when you guys meet
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Old 6th July 2014, 12:08 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
A guy who wants a possessive / controlling / jealous GF is immature. Somehow his wires got crossed & he thinks those things mean you care about him.
Is that the same thing as codependency or is it different?
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