Just broke up with gf of 2,5 years for lying. Hold me

[joekablo]

Hey everybody,

 

So my gf and I went on a vacation just last week. On the third day of our (up untill this point lovely) vacation I noticed her recieving a text message and her acting shady. In all these years I have NEVER allowed myself to be jealous. She has never given me a reason to do oterhwise.

 

She did however started working at a new place, just last month. New guys who she needs to text with (promoting and stuff). No big deal, I thought, I trust her. Then I strangely had a dream of her texting some guy and me NOT liking it. I told her about the dream and only then had she told me that there was a guy from the new place texting her. She told me she wouldn't respond, kept it professional and that was that. Our vacation was 3 week later.

 

Her whatsapp conversation showed otherwise though. On our vacation I went through her phone. She sent this same guy a video of her room and her dog playing around in it. I continued to read on. He cracked a joke at me. She just laughed and responded with banter. She told him she waved at him so ''nicely'', she asked him what she thought of her, told him that the pic he sent her of some food made her feel hungry, that she could hold her drink and he told her he couldn't, that they would go on a businesstrip, party and have a good time (will happen in a month).

 

Not COMPLETELY flirty, but hey, not exactly professional now is it? And that's all just the tip of the iceberg; I stopped reading as I got sick just knowing these things were said. Worst thing is; the conversations started at 11:30 and went on untill 1 and 1:30 in the morning. Multiple times. A whole month long! All at times when I was in a ROUGH patch; getting fired from parttime job, deceased family member, not getting into the marines and more.

 

After finding out I asked her (she didn't knew I read the messages) if the guy and her were still texting. She told me no. She only texted him professionaly. I asked her again. Repeat. I then told her to read her messages to him herself. She reassured me; their conversations were purely business. I then asked her to let me look at her phone. She told me she didn't want to and even struggled with me. I grabbed the phone from her hands. She had deleted the texts to the guy.

 

Some confronting and cussing later, she exclaimed she was only texting him for the attention and that she didn't tell me because she was afraid to hurt my feelings (yeah right) and that there was nothing happening and that there was never going to happen anything with the POS. She'll never do it again and she's so so sorry, she told me.

 

She has NEVER done anything like this (or well I never found out), our relationship was seemingly AMAZING. This very sudden, strange, deceitful, unexplained behaviour of hers proved enough for me to break up with her. I kicked her to the curb for being disrespectful to me, herself and our relationship and misusing my trust. Thing is I loved her so very much. She was awesome. Betraying me without ANY reason whatsoever is something that really isn't justifiable with any amount of love. If I let my women walk over me, how will she respect me? How will I respect me?

 

She acuses me of ''just giving up'', and reminds me of the times that she has forgiven me. That we're made for eachother, that they REALLY weren't flirting etc. etc. The burden of breaking up is a hell to carry and the thing is, because it was so awesome being in a relationship with her, I'm having second thoughts. Did I make the right decision? Was she really not planning to cheat? Was this not disrespectful? All the amount of rational thinking in my head tells me I did right, standing up as a self respecting person. Every ounch of my mind tells me her behaviour was wrong, and if I forgave her she'd betray me again. My heart however, wants to forgive her. I won't ever listen to that voice in this situation however, not for a long time.

 

Can someone tell me if I made the right decicion? Am I right, trusting reason over love? Or do you think it IS possible that this wasn't disrespectful, that I should have given her another chance, that she wasn't planning on monkeybranching, cheating etc.

 

Excuse the language, not a native speaker. Thank you!

[Assasda]

You sound like a psycho OP.

 

Even if she was flirting with some guy, why even bother with all the drama.

Why not just leave her.

 

Both of you sound like you dont really respect each other.

And you seem super insecure in your description

[Fondue]

You have the balls many men wish they had.

 

You did the right thing, bro.

 

There are SO many guys out there that put up with "border-line" behavior from their gfs, then wonder/struggle, and make posts about how they were eventually cheated on even though the warning signs were there.

 

Many of them couldn't grow a pair big enough to break it off.

 

You did. You deserve a praise. Trust me, you made the correct decision.

[soccerrprp]

So, what of her claim of the times she forgave you? Forgave YOU for what?

[Purepony]

You have the balls many men wish they had.

 

You did the right thing, bro.

 

There are SO many guys out there that put up with "border-line" behavior from their gfs, then wonder/struggle, and make posts about how they were eventually cheated on even though the warning signs were there.

 

Many of them couldn't grow a pair big enough to break it off.

 

You did. You deserve a praise. Trust me, you made the correct decision.

 

 

X2 my friend ! But next time don't grab her phone just walk away

[marcjb]

You made the right decision. Sounds very similar to what I went through. For some reason a lot of these women think they can still act single when they're in a relationship. Complete crap that someone would ever think that kind of stuff is appropriate.

[Strength in Healing]

You sound like a psycho OP.

 

Even if she was flirting with some guy, why even bother with all the drama.

Why not just leave her.

 

Both of you sound like you dont really respect each other.

And you seem super insecure in your description

 

 

Next time you feel like posting

 

Don't.

[Andy_K]

I was with you up until you mentioned 'times she has forgiven you'. For what exactly? I think it might be important to know for much she's forgiven in order to better judge how much you should.

[joekablo]

I was with you up until you mentioned 'times she has forgiven you'. For what exactly? I think it might be important to know for much she's forgiven in order to better judge how much you should.

 

For all our previous fights. Yes she's making it sound like they are all my fault. One time while I was working out in a park a girl came up to me, just talking BS. She happened to see this from a distance, claiming I was doing something I shouldn't (talking to women). I ALWAYS told her men and women should be in no way restricted TALKING to the other sex. It's ridiculous. She was the one who was always insecure, starting fights when I even so much looked at a girl.

 

She in some way claims that I have always done the same to her; betraying her. In no way do I find this true. I have always told her that she SHOULD be able to talk banter, that she probably flirts; we're 21 and 22 for crying out loud and it's okay to do so. Shady stuff however, developing a relationship behind my back, taking the flirting back to your own house in the way she did, is in no way okay to me.

[giblesp]

You did the right thing. She was probably leading up to a betrayal, your gut instinct served you well.

 

There's plenty of other good women out there. Your young and you have time. Focus on your personal dream, you want to get into the marines so focus on that. A woman will come into your life at some point, if that is what you want.

[No Limit]

There should be more posters like you. Instead of taking her lies you made a clean cut instead of waiting for her to betray you.

It's just motivating to read 'cause there are days I come online here and think to myself "Damn, so many people with self-respect and self-esteem issues".

I salute you.

[GemmaUK]

To be perfectly honest I wouldn't have thrown away 2.5 happy years over a bunch of texts from a guy when you didn't even think they were flirty.

 

You have advocated to her that men and women do interact and should and it's normal and healthy.

 

She wanted the attention. She said that.

 

I think that there is some back history to go with this and wonder whether she has been looking for/asking for some attention from you, her man.

Perhaps that was part of the reason for the vacation even?

 

She hasn't actually cheated.

This could have been a turning point for you two to talk openly and really honestly and re-express what you need from your relationship.

 

Relationships take work and maintenance just like anything else does.

Everyone makes mistakes and we can't control that, it's how we react to them that is in our control.

 

It's your choice though!

Just make sure it's one you won't regret.

[Keenly]

First she lied about it. Multiple times. Showing she knew what she was doing wasn't right.

 

Then she admitted.to wanting attention, and she chose to seek that attention from other guys instead of her boyfriend.

 

 

That's the line for me.

[mattny]

^ Right on the head. You asking other guys how you look, sending personal stuff on a vacation to a 'professional' co-worker, him flirting about 'having a good time on a business trip', all red flags. I have quite a few female friends in relationships who im close with but they never send me stuff like that nor do I talk anything suggestive like that guy is doing.

 

You cut her off, shes mad she got caught. Why delete texts if you have nothing to hide? My ex lied too. Hence why shes my ex lol.