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being anxious


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Old 14th June 2014, 11:04 PM   #1
LME
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being anxious

This happens to me every time I date someone, which is not that often. Ive only really dated 3 people in my life and two ended in a relationship. Aside from random college flings etc

The first few weeks when we are getting to know each other,etc I am ALWAYS second guessing myself. Does anyone have tips on how to deal with it? I know it just stems from me being extremely impatient and not knowing where things are going. I am pretty laid back and care free but I always find myself getting just a little bit anxious over stupid things.

ie, went on date with the guy last night (4th date). He is out of town this weekend and when we left we said talk to ya tomorrow, and I thought he said he would text me but I did not hear from him. I know its just a dumb text and I could have easily texted him but i always play 100000 situations in my head and am like WOW HE MUST HATE YOU NOW.


I think a lot of it is making sure we are on teh same page but I feel like after two weeks is it too early to be like are you looking for a relationship or a hook-up?

Generally I enjoy the beginning stage of meeting new people and have fun with it and go with the flow but I always have ot have these little paranoid thoughts when things don't go 100% how I want them to.

Last edited by LME; 14th June 2014 at 11:09 PM..
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Old 14th June 2014, 11:13 PM   #2
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It's insecurity and a lot of people have it, and I really think there's only two roads out of that and it's successful long-term therapy or discipline. You need to at least learn not to overreact and make it his problem. You can do that much by making it a practice to not let yourself text or call or whatever until you've thought about it for some period of time and made sure it's the rational thing to do and you aren't just seeking reassurance or checking up on him or whatever. Self-discipline or you'll sabotage your own relationships and create your own worst fears into happening! You never want to seem desperate or like you think the only way to keep a man is to force him to stay by monitoring him and being persistent! Desperate isn't attractive. We all get pangs of this, but you've got to learn not to react.
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Old 14th June 2014, 11:23 PM   #3
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Thank you! yeah it def stems from a really awful relationship I had back in my college bad boys day.

I never give in and text/call when i feel like i need reassurance or anxious feelings, i just hateeeeee the anxious feeling
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Old 15th June 2014, 1:27 AM   #4
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I think this is pretty normal for most people. Well, at least once the ball gets rolling, and you find out you really like the person.

The only way I know how to deal with it is to just deal with it! It's a bit of a roller coaster ride in the beginning, but you can't really do anything about it except sabotage the relationship by being too needy or rushing into things to avoid that feeling of uncertainty. Both of which are going to hurt your chances at a healthy, successful relationship.
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Old 15th June 2014, 1:52 AM   #5
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It sounds to me like GAD. That's General Anxiety Disorder. I'll bet you're the same way in different aspects of your life. I seriously doubt that this only happens when it comes to dating.

I tend to be that way very much. I've gotten better with the study of eastern philosophies, namely Zen.

Read the Tao Te Ching tonight and see if it calms you down any. You can find it all over the internet, and find an audio version at youtube.

For real, start looking for ways to calm yourself down. It will improve your life.
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Old 15th June 2014, 2:11 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LME View Post
Generally I enjoy the beginning stage of meeting new people and have fun with it and go with the flow but I always have ot have these little paranoid thoughts when things don't go 100% how I want them to.
Me, I hate that beginning stage. I would love to be able to skip all the dating, figuring the other person out stages, and jump right into the comfortable stage. That's the stage for me.

Last edited by enigma32; 15th June 2014 at 2:15 AM..
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Old 15th June 2014, 11:47 AM   #7
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Improve the conversations you play in your head. For every scene you dram up of things going badly, think about 2 scenes where things go great.
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Old 15th June 2014, 12:23 PM   #8
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THat is good advice, I will try to do that more.


I guess I just expected to hear from him yesterday but I didn't. There was really no reason for contact though, he is out of town teaching a class and we had no plans to see each other. I just need to get out of the mindset that if i dont hear from someone for one day its not the end all be all.
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Old 15th June 2014, 1:00 PM   #9
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As you know, it's just some general anxiety; some have it more than others. Plus it's exaggerated if you like the person a lot.


You just have to try to think calmly & realistic, rather than letting those pessimistic thoughts get into your head and jumping to conclusions.
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Old 15th June 2014, 11:04 PM   #10
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He texted me tonight as I figured he would


Just short quick each sent one text, which is good for me because i am not into long drawn out convos. So far he has pretty much initiated everything so I am thinking I want to show him I am interested (i can be pretty aloof/too nonchalant when dating sometimes because i dont want to look over eager, even though i am beyond anxious, see op)

It would be perfectly acceptable for me to text/call him tomorrow and set something up for this week right? Any tips on how to word it?


I am out of town next weekend, and then he is again the following weekend. We actually aren't in town together during the same weekend until mid july, summer travels!
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