nightrain Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) Hello all, I 've been lurking this forum for quite sometime so I figured it's time I asked for advice,but Idk if this is the right place to post this.So moving on... To clarify I'm a female and I'm going to be 24 next month,and I am still a virgin which is something I am content with until I'm in an actual relationship with someone who is worth it. But my excuse for this is that I was in a relationship for 4 years and it was Long Distance,but we almost made it to that point of the relationship that is...until he the left me for someone else -BUT I'm not going to get into that .Anyway I've moved on since and I plan to try dating in the future,but I'm worried that this will be a problem since I've heard many stories about guys high tailing it when they find out you're a virgin. So my question is,is this going to be a problem? Edited June 10, 2014 by nightrain Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Honestly, it's not a bad thing. I think if you keep it under wraps and not let others know, it's not a big deal. I told the first man I was ever with that I was only when it got to that point. Did he believe me? Well, he found out the literal hard way but that's another story. Quite honestly, unless you get to the point where you are about to do IT with someone, tell them then. They may not believe it, but ... it will become evident, won't it? As to their being afraid or strange with it ... Well, you can simply say that it never happened to you before because of (reason). End of story. If they run, they aren't good to begin with. I for one am sympathetic to those who have this condition, as I did not realize until just recently that there are a lot more out there than I thought possible. It's a hidden world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nightrain Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 Honestly, it's not a bad thing. I think if you keep it under wraps and not let others know, it's not a big deal. I told the first man I was ever with that I was only when it got to that point. Did he believe me? Well, he found out the literal hard way but that's another story. Quite honestly, unless you get to the point where you are about to do IT with someone, tell them then. They may not believe it, but ... it will become evident, won't it? As to their being afraid or strange with it ... Well, you can simply say that it never happened to you before because of (reason). End of story. If they run, they aren't good to begin with. I for one am sympathetic to those who have this condition, as I did not realize until just recently that there are a lot more out there than I thought possible. It's a hidden world. Well it does make more sense to spill the beans until that point and but then again it would suck to get all the way there and get dumped just for that..lol. And yes it is unfortunately lol..But your input is much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nightrain Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 I think the biggest hurdle with a girl being a virgin is that a guy might think that you won't sleep with him. Aside from that, I think being a virgin will help you out. Men are jealous creatures, and you have zero sexual past for them to be jealous about. Ooh I see, well I guess that makes me feel a bit relieved..Thanks for your input. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I dont think it is something you have to "keep under wraps". A guy will flee if he is just looking for sex, right? In the same boat by the way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turt Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I highly doubt anyone who truly likes you is going care about that. There's a high chance that they don't want a relationship with you if it does stop them (which is only going to save you from wasting more time). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DArtagnan2 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 only those looking for something quicker then you are willing to give it to them will mind. Others will not, especially if they are really in to you. I myself, would actually prefer someone who hasn't been around the block a few too many times or at all. I cherish that about myself and do in someone else. Stay true to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 The wrong guy will see your virginity as a problem. I wouldn't lead with that info but stick to your guns & hold out until you feel it's right. Link to post Share on other sites
MrBossMan Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 If you're hoping to get married by 28-30, you might as well stay a virgin until then. Not being one has the potential for causing more problems than being one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nightrain Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 I highly doubt anyone who truly likes you is going care about that. There's a high chance that they don't want a relationship with you if it does stop them (which is only going to save you from wasting more time). only those looking for something quicker then you are willing to give it to them will mind. Others will not, especially if they are really in to you. I myself, would actually prefer someone who hasn't been around the block a few too many times or at all. I cherish that about myself and do in someone else. Stay true to you. The wrong guy will see your virginity as a problem. I wouldn't lead with that info but stick to your guns & hold out until you feel it's right. If you're hoping to get married by 28-30, you might as well stay a virgin until then. Not being one has the potential for causing more problems than being one. Thank you guys for your responds it is much appreciated! Knowing this will help me out in the future so I don't end up wasting my time. Link to post Share on other sites
LLQ1986 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I was a virgin until I met my first bf by the age of 25. Both of us were virgins- he claimed to be (well he did come across as very inexperienced though lol). And it was a LDR; had sex less than 4-5 times PER YEAR lol Anyhow, I really don't think it's a problem at all; the only things u have to deal with are own sexual urge/desire and peer pressure I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diabloterr Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Hello all, I 've been lurking this forum for quite sometime so I figured it's time I asked for advice,but Idk if this is the right place to post this.So moving on... To clarify I'm a female and I'm going to be 24 next month,and I am still a virgin which is something I am content with until I'm in an actual relationship with someone who is worth it. But my excuse for this is that I was in a relationship for 4 years and it was Long Distance,but we almost made it to that point of the relationship that is...until he the left me for someone else -BUT I'm not going to get into that .Anyway I've moved on since and I plan to try dating in the future,but I'm worried that this will be a problem since I've heard many stories about guys high tailing it when they find out you're a virgin. So my question is,is this going to be a problem? The issue of your sexual status becomes a problem when dealing with a Man that looks at you as a means to pleasure himself. As long as you find a responsible partner that is looking for a wife you will be fine. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 the wrong guy will find it a turn off the right guy will respect you for it and like you even more for it. Work out if he's the guy you would prefer to take your virginity away. And don't be embarrassed if you are a virgin at 24/25... you're not diseased! you rare and special and the right guy will adore you more for that preciousness that you've reserved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Hello all, I 've been lurking this forum for quite sometime so I figured it's time I asked for advice,but Idk if this is the right place to post this.So moving on... To clarify I'm a female and I'm going to be 24 next month,and I am still a virgin which is something I am content with until I'm in an actual relationship with someone who is worth it. But my excuse for this is that I was in a relationship for 4 years and it was Long Distance,but we almost made it to that point of the relationship that is...until he the left me for someone else -BUT I'm not going to get into that .Anyway I've moved on since and I plan to try dating in the future,but I'm worried that this will be a problem since I've heard many stories about guys high tailing it when they find out you're a virgin. So my question is,is this going to be a problem? The only type of man that would tail it because you are a virgin, is a complete ahole. If you're holding out for love, please continue to do this. Its very much worth it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Just don't tell anyone you're a virgin. That's pretty much all you have to do. Unless of course, you have maintained an intact hymen. In which case, your virginity would be difficult to hide... Personally, I don't think I would like to date a virgin. Not because I think there is anything wrong with that. There isn't. It's just that what I have found in the past is that virginal women have unrealistic expectations of the relationship after sex has been done. It's like as soon as we do it, her emotions go into overdrive and somehow we're in "love," and are destined for for something much more. They get really into it and cannot emotionally separate sex and intimacy. While I appreciate that they think that way, it isn't always appropriate. This is happened to me before and it has happened to people I know. It just is what it is. I'd rather not deal with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dragon_fly_7 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) OP, I don't think a respectable and decent gentleman would find you being a virgin a deal-breaker. If anything, you would just think you were waiting for the right man and wait for you as long as you want to. Like another poster mentioned, many men are jealous creatures and they can't handle too well if there was even another man involve in our past, so being a virgin is an advantage in that aspect. Just don't tell anyone you're a virgin. That's pretty much all you have to do. Unless of course, you have maintained an intact hymen. In which case, your virginity would be difficult to hide... Personally, I don't think I would like to date a virgin. Not because I think there is anything wrong with that. There isn't. It's just that what I have found in the past is that virginal women have unrealistic expectations of the relationship after sex has been done. It's like as soon as we do it, her emotions go into overdrive and somehow we're in "love," and are destined for for something much more. They get really into it and cannot emotionally separate sex and intimacy. While I appreciate that they think that way, it isn't always appropriate. This is happened to me before and it has happened to people I know. It just is what it is. I'd rather not deal with it.I have to say this speaks some truth in my case when I lost to my then bf (now long time ex). Though it was really me who broke it off (this actually surprised him too; he didn't think I would leave him), looking back I kind of did get carried away and at one point thought I would end up with him forever. I was silly as a 19-20 year-old in my first relationship. Now at the age of 27, I can't imagine ever even getting engaged to him. This was just youth love and experience to me. Yes, it was meaningful but not the type where you're older and have different expectations towards the relationship. Though there are exceptional cases. For instance, my older female cousin who is in her 30's is married to her HS sweetheart. They were both and are still each other's firsts (they met when they were 14). Edited June 11, 2014 by dragon_fly_7 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rubberman Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 the wrong guy will find it a turn off the right guy will respect you for it and like you even more for it. Work out if he's the guy you would prefer to take your virginity away. And don't be embarrassed if you are a virgin at 24/25... you're not diseased! you rare and special and the right guy will adore you more for that preciousness that you've reserved. Thanks for the laugh of the day. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 @ Nightrain Listen - I'm going to give my story first for some context - please take what you can from it. Reading posts on here it amazes me how feedback and perspective changes once the poster shares more and more info - so knowing what I know based on what your provided, take what ever advice I give with a grain of salt. I'm a guy. I am 32 - will be 33 later this month. I didn't have sex till I was 30. It wasn't "by choice" in that I wasn't waiting for "ms perfect". I had a facial deformity growing up, I was raise by parents who could barely take care of themselves as well as a grandmother who wanted me to the be the "perfect little boy", and I was teased a lot in school. I never tried dating in HS or College (mostly because I didn't know how to act around women and I had very low-self-esteem and was overweight). I then entered the seminary for 6 years - which of course, meant no dating. I left when I finally had the courage to say that I wanted a relationship and that i wanted to have a family. It took close to two years before I ended up dating someone seriously enough - and it happened, and after the initial awkwardness of my part - it turned out I was pretty good at it - and we had sex every 3-4 days as we ended up moving in together. We've since split, but I've been with 3 more people and feel comfortable and natural with it when the attraction and chemistry are there. I'm still not 100% confident and am still not in the shape I'd like to be (but much better) but I feel good about myself. So my questions/advice to you/for you. If you were with someone for four years - why didn't it happen? Physical intimacy is one of the strongest urges a human can have. There's no way you dated someone that long - even if it was "long distance" and didn't engage in sex unless there's something wrong. Now - don't confuse me. A decent guy, when the conversation comes up, will respect what you tell him. He may be dissapointed, but even if he doesn't realize it consciously, his instincts should tell him that it's not much harder to "learn" how to have great sex than it is to learn how to stand with one leg in the air. Part of the problems is de-mystifying the experience. Yes, the orgasm is good - but as a guy I love the whole thing - the kissing, the foreplay, the giving of pleasure, the embrace afterwards. Even two experienced people end up only getting better and better at it with each other as time goes by. If there's enough chemistry and attraction a guy will understand and a guy will be okay as long as you're upfront and clear about it when the time is right. Don't have to apologize, linger on it, etc. Just let it happen. Do not hide the fact as some suggest - you don't need to broadcast it either, and don't let it be a big deal in your mind - again manage your own expectations - that's probably something I wished I knew 10 years ago. I'm a naturally passionate person and turn out to be good in bed - but until you engage with somebody you never really know. The first time may not be memorable, but you won't fail at it either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Virginity isn't a bad thing for women. In fact it's far better than the opposite! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nightrain Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Just don't tell anyone you're a virgin. That's pretty much all you have to do. Unless of course, you have maintained an intact hymen. In which case, your virginity would be difficult to hide... Personally, I don't think I would like to date a virgin. Not because I think there is anything wrong with that. There isn't. It's just that what I have found in the past is that virginal women have unrealistic expectations of the relationship after sex has been done. It's like as soon as we do it, her emotions go into overdrive and somehow we're in "love," and are destined for for something much more. They get really into it and cannot emotionally separate sex and intimacy. While I appreciate that they think that way, it isn't always appropriate. This is happened to me before and it has happened to people I know. It just is what it is. I'd rather not deal with it. Well I have no intention of doing so until I get up to that "point" and even if I wasn't It would be pointless to hide I think. And I see & understand where your coming from it's just something some ppl aren't into I guess and it can be overwhelming. And it's funny because I just so happened to be one of those "foolish" girls with the unrealistic exceptions (Aside from the fact that I'm still a virgin) and I've always had a problem with emotional attachment because unfortunately that's just how I am, but I have long since learned my lesson with that after what happened with my last relationship..so yeah Link to post Share on other sites
Author nightrain Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 the wrong guy will find it a turn off the right guy will respect you for it and like you even more for it. Work out if he's the guy you would prefer to take your virginity away. And don't be embarrassed if you are a virgin at 24/25... you're not diseased! you rare and special and the right guy will adore you more for that preciousness that you've reserved. I lol'd so hard at "diseased"! xD And thank you for ur input. Link to post Share on other sites
Charmander Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Virginity isn't a bad thing for women. In fact it's far better than the opposite! Are men viewed any differently? Just curious... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nightrain Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) @ Nightrain Listen - I'm going to give my story first for some context - please take what you can from it. Reading posts on here it amazes me how feedback and perspective changes once the poster shares more and more info - so knowing what I know based on what your provided, take what ever advice I give with a grain of salt. I'm a guy. I am 32 - will be 33 later this month. I didn't have sex till I was 30. It wasn't "by choice" in that I wasn't waiting for "ms perfect". I had a facial deformity growing up, I was raise by parents who could barely take care of themselves as well as a grandmother who wanted me to the be the "perfect little boy", and I was teased a lot in school. I never tried dating in HS or College (mostly because I didn't know how to act around women and I had very low-self-esteem and was overweight). I then entered the seminary for 6 years - which of course, meant no dating. I left when I finally had the courage to say that I wanted a relationship and that i wanted to have a family. It took close to two years before I ended up dating someone seriously enough - and it happened, and after the initial awkwardness of my part - it turned out I was pretty good at it - and we had sex every 3-4 days as we ended up moving in together. We've since split, but I've been with 3 more people and feel comfortable and natural with it when the attraction and chemistry are there. I'm still not 100% confident and am still not in the shape I'd like to be (but much better) but I feel good about myself. So my questions/advice to you/for you. If you were with someone for four years - why didn't it happen? Physical intimacy is one of the strongest urges a human can have. There's no way you dated someone that long - even if it was "long distance" and didn't engage in sex unless there's something wrong. Now - don't confuse me. A decent guy, when the conversation comes up, will respect what you tell him. He may be dissapointed, but even if he doesn't realize it consciously, his instincts should tell him that it's not much harder to "learn" how to have great sex than it is to learn how to stand with one leg in the air. Part of the problems is de-mystifying the experience. Yes, the orgasm is good - but as a guy I love the whole thing - the kissing, the foreplay, the giving of pleasure, the embrace afterwards. Even two experienced people end up only getting better and better at it with each other as time goes by. If there's enough chemistry and attraction a guy will understand and a guy will be okay as long as you're upfront and clear about it when the time is right. Don't have to apologize, linger on it, etc. Just let it happen. Do not hide the fact as some suggest - you don't need to broadcast it either, and don't let it be a big deal in your mind - again manage your own expectations - that's probably something I wished I knew 10 years ago. I'm a naturally passionate person and turn out to be good in bed - but until you engage with somebody you never really know. The first time may not be memorable, but you won't fail at it either. Hello scooby, First off,I've read everything you said and I just wanted to say your story made me a bit emotional,heck I could tell you my whole life story lol.Anyway I too suffer from low self esteem and I used to be called ugly back in hs,but having been with my ex as handsome as he was it was validation that I'm not.But now It's delaying me from being able to talk to guys and dating,and I hate it because I feel like I'm missing out on so many things,but I'm in the process of getting over it so I will eventually. Now to answer your question-I don't want to in-depth to reduce the risk of being found here, but the reason it didn't happen was because -and to put it bluntly- he just couldn't keep it in his pants (sorry, as vulgar as it sounds) so he found someone else "closer" to him.And apart of it is because we still lived with our families and when he would come back to visit a good opportunity just hadn't presented itself.But during our relationship he was overseas and I couldn't afford to visit him where he was, so he just threw me away.Not to mention I was busy focusing on furthering education (my family helped with that) and finding a job in the meantime was very VERY difficult at the time. I guess I just wasn't good enough for him to wait. So in conclusion he turned out to be just like every other douche bag. And I do plan to keep to myself up until that "point" and I've prepared myself to move on if a guy can't respect the fact that I have no experience because there are plenty other fish in the sea lol. Anyway, your advice is very much appreciated and I will keep everything you said in mind. Edited June 12, 2014 by nightrain Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Just don't tell anyone you're a virgin. That's pretty much all you have to do. Unless of course, you have maintained an intact hymen. In which case, your virginity would be difficult to hide... Personally, I don't think I would like to date a virgin. Not because I think there is anything wrong with that. There isn't. It's just that what I have found in the past is that virginal women have unrealistic expectations of the relationship after sex has been done. It's like as soon as we do it, her emotions go into overdrive and somehow we're in "love," and are destined for for something much more. They get really into it and cannot emotionally separate sex and intimacy. While I appreciate that they think that way, it isn't always appropriate. This is happened to me before and it has happened to people I know. It just is what it is. I'd rather not deal with it. I don't think this would have anything to do with the person being a virgin. My view is that if you are in a relationship then sex and intimacy are part of the package. If you are just newly dating and have sex then it's stupid to get carried away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nightrain Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) I don't think this would have anything to do with the person being a virgin. My view is that if you are in a relationship then sex and intimacy are part of the package.If you are just newly dating and have sex then it's stupid to get carried away. And I agree virgin or not its still possible to get carried away regardless. Edited June 12, 2014 by nightrain Link to post Share on other sites
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