KennyNicholas Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Hey so I've known this girl about a month now, shes really nice we like alot of the same things we get along well together, the first few weeks we talked alot hung out once just the two of us and twice with her friends at the bar we met at, one of the times her friend approached me and asked if I liked this girl and I said I did and I find her interesting, to which she replied that I should make a move and we didnt have this conversation We got outside and I didnt really make a move but after a long hung we both sort of just went for a kiss and ended up making out, anyway since then a few things happened in her life, she was ill and her close friend ended up losing somebody etc, Ive been very understanding offering my support just as you should, one other time we hung out we sort of had a small heart to heart I told her about my ex and everything ive been dealing with and shes sorry ive been having to deal with that. I saw her out last night and we just generally chatted a little bit but she left because her and her friends were tired, I wanted to say to her face but because she left I couldnt so instead of just text her saying I thank her for being there to listen to me talk about my ex because its been hard and she said its fine shes everybodys vent at the moment, I went onto say thats not exactly what I meant I said that she actually cares and shes fantastic and its hard to find in people these days. She went onto say that this is why she avoids ruining things, when I questioned her about that she simply said, she has commitment issues, so many of her friendships have been ruined from getting close, so she panics. Im just not sure where to go from her, shes the first person ive actually felt attracted to since my ex girlfriend, I think she does like me shes just afraid to make that next step incase it messes up another good friendship, any advice would be great! Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I'm sorry, but she is not ready for a relationship. If you proceed it you will likely end up in greater pain at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Commitment issues was the phrase that she tried to get into your head gently, it means lets be friends if you are not exclusive or lets take a break if you are.. Look out for those subtle hints and then straight onto the next one. Always leave things friendly, you would be surprised how many people suddenly forget they have commitment issues once you stop showing them attention and they end up in your bed Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 You have known her for a month. She told you she has commitment issues. She really has insecurity, anxiety & immaturity. For whatever reason she thinks if she lets down her walls people will leave her & hurt her. You need to prove her wrong in a low pressure long term environment. Stop with the deep conversations. Keep things light. If she goes deep, listen but gradually bring the conversation back to light. Spend time with her. Show her by your actions that she can trust you. Normally I don't advocate "hanging out" with people for months prior to trying to date them but she needs the reassurance that you will be there. She how the summer goes, then ask her on a proper date in the fall. Meanwhile, keep "stealing" kisses. Touch her when you talk to her. Dance with her a few times in the bar. If the bars where you see her don't have dancing, get the group to move to other venues once in a while. Arrange group parties. As long as she hasn't friendzoned you by talking to you about other guys she likes, it should all be good. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Neither of you are ready for a relationship. Why the hell are you venting to a potential SO about your ex? Sounds like you aren't over your ex, what a turn off. No good girl is gonna be interested in that, anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DArtagnan2 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 (edited) never talk about your ex on first, second or even in the first month of dates. If asked, answer questions with short "compassionate" answers, but never go on beyond that. While you may be ready to date, any girl that sits through any kind of conversation about an ex for more then a few minutes, will automatically put a flag on you and take her distance. REGARDLESS if she is asking more questions about the situation. Her comment about have a problem with "commitments" or whatever she was spewing, was probably to put more distance between you two because of the conversation. Her response via text about "venting" is not of a caring concern about your feelings, its more a politically correct way not to be rude but to respond in general. She was probably interested and may still be, but I will put all the money in my pocket down (.25 cents), that the ex talk was a turn off for her. I also think the text message, while it was your way of trying to connect again, was just adding more reason to her decision. If you want a chance with her, you have to stop talking about your ex or thanking her for listening. You have to show face that you are over your ex, better yet, that your ex isn't even a thought in your mind. I am all for being honest, but people judge too quick and too harshly now-a-days and that right there, will get you a rejection notice (for lack of a better term), more times then not from someone. Edited May 25, 2014 by DArtagnan2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 You've only known her for a month. If she's willing, keep dating her for a year, and then you'll know something about her besides that you want her because you don't know her well at all yet. Her saying that may mean she's not interested or not in any state to have a romance right now, or may mean she has lifelong issues that would stop you from staying together. All you can do, your only choice, is to just take her out when she wants to go and HAVE FUN. Don't take her out and both of you just cry on each other's shoulders. Go do a planned activity that will keep you both from getting maudlin. Making fun together is what strengthens a relationship, not pouring out your history. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KennyNicholas Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 You've only known her for a month. If she's willing, keep dating her for a year, and then you'll know something about her besides that you want her because you don't know her well at all yet. Her saying that may mean she's not interested or not in any state to have a romance right now, or may mean she has lifelong issues that would stop you from staying together. All you can do, your only choice, is to just take her out when she wants to go and HAVE FUN. Don't take her out and both of you just cry on each other's shoulders. Go do a planned activity that will keep you both from getting maudlin. Making fun together is what strengthens a relationship, not pouring out your history. Were not actually dating or anything, if we got together in the end she would have to know about my past anyway I know a little about hers not alot, I guess im just lost on where to go from here Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts