Lipitor11 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'm single, in my 30's, I don't have kids, I've gone out on dates, I've been hooking up, etc, etc, but no guy that I meet wants a commitment. Some of them use the same excuses, like how they don't have the time, or patience, etc, etc. But, I know alot of divorced women with 3 or 4 kids maximum that can easily find a man and be in a committed relationship in no time! Geez, this just tells me that the problem is with ME, not the guys that I meet. I always think that if I was a single mother, it would be alot harder trying to find the right guy to want a relationship, but no, I don't understand why its hard for me, I'm just tired of all these dating excuses that I have to deal with! Do these women know how to please a man in bed, because if so, I need to work on some things! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 You've been going out on dates with men only interested in hook-ups of course they don't want a commitment lol. Filter those out right away, don't waste your time with them. You clear that one on a first conversation, not after a first date....'before'! When I was dating I was a really good catch. I am pretty, smart, stable, my kid is grown up, I have no issues, no ex sticking around, no nothing. I couldn't find a man! but around me women with no jobs, 3 kids with 3 dads, ex issues, buried in debts, no car, they had boyfriends!! Nothing you can do about it, you just keep on looking. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Oh believe me. I have the exact same issue. My girlfriend and I have this conversation virtually daily. This is how our story goes: we date, we meet guys, but nothing ever works out. The guys are always a waste of time, don't want commitment, or want the maximum amount of reward for virtually nothing. It's a joke. Meanwhile there are other girls we know in our lives who are literally PSYCHO. Legit drama, problems, crazy lifestyles. The story that she told me today was about a guy who just proposed to his much older girlfriend, meanwhile they fight all the time, she's nothing but drama, and they actually met on the roof of an apartment building. (What?) But she gets a ring and full commitment after months of being together. I am convinced on a daily basis that men want nothing but psycho b.itches. Seriously. My girlfriend and I are two of the most laid back, sanest people. We have our lives together, live on our own, have steady jobs, we are attractive, smart, funny, and great catches. But no one wants us. We couldn't get guys to take us on on dates if we paid them to. We're literally mind blown daily. And honestly, I've done my share of picking the wrong guys, not figuring out what the guy wants right away, BUT I'VE LEARNED FROM THAT!!!! And now I make it a point TO find these things out, and I get, "yes, I'm looking to settle down. I'm looking for a relationship..." yadda, yadda, yadda, only to be led on and have my time wasted, AGAIN!!!! It's becoming the stupidest thing, we can't figure out what's wrong besides the fact we're not crazy, we don't come with "excitement" and drama. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 On behalf of all men I offer this explanation. "I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time" All kidding aside, some men gravitate to women who are already parents and/or have already been married. They have just a more direct mindset and approach. Some fear the "single never married no kids". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Or there is this cynical analogy: who stands a better chance to land the fish, the rookie angler who has never done it before or the experienced angler who has? Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Oh, and yeah, I'll add this: the most recent guy I was talking to? His last girlfriend had 2 kids. He told me straight up that when he met her, she blew his mind, so he got into a relationship with her. Meanwhile with me? Nah. He's not looking to be tied down. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Perhaps these women live in nice houses thanks to their divorce so the guy moves in for a better lifestyle. Perhaps they think a woman with kids would be less likely to dump them. As for the crazies, perhaps they feel superior to those women. The men may feel inferior to you since you seem to have your act together and don't need them. Otherwise, the women must look pretty hot! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 i have noticed this trend as well. I have an additional theory which is: that because these women have kids, they have REAL other priorities, ie the kids themselves. Therefore the guys have to fight to win time with them and up their place in priority list and in doing so become hooked because they had to get invested. When you're single, as hard as you may try to disguise that finding a boyfriend is a priority for you, they feel it. Also haven't you ever found yourself saying, "in spite of XYZ, i find myself falling for this guy!". I think most young single childless guys don't THINK they would chose to date a woman with children but chemistry is chemistry and their guards are down with these guys because they don't think they would choose, and what happens: that's exactly who they fall for. Lastly something to be said of those divorced women with drama---yes, lots of guys go crazy for batsh*t!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Fitchick, I think you nailed it here when you said ;- Perhaps these women live in nice houses thanks to their divorce so the guy moves in for a better lifestyle. Perhaps they think a woman with kids would be less likely to dump them. As for the crazies, perhaps they feel superior to those women. The men may feel inferior to you since you seem to have your act together and don't need them. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Kids make women emotional and men like emotional women. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I have the opposite problem. I'm single with no children and I can never find anyone who wants to take things slow and just have fun. Instead the guys I meet get all way too serious too soon and start talking huge future plans in the first few weeks or months. They go into lock down mode real quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'm single, in my 30's, I don't have kids, I've gone out on dates, I've been hooking up, etc, etc, but no guy that I meet wants a commitment. Some of them use the same excuses, like how they don't have the time, or patience, etc, etc. But, I know alot of divorced women with 3 or 4 kids maximum that can easily find a man and be in a committed relationship in no time! Geez, this just tells me that the problem is with ME, not the guys that I meet. I always think that if I was a single mother, it would be alot harder trying to find the right guy to want a relationship, but no, I don't understand why its hard for me, I'm just tired of all these dating excuses that I have to deal with! Do these women know how to please a man in bed, because if so, I need to work on some things! There are many reasons...... 1. You being in your mid 30s you are wanting to have kids soon. He doesnt want that. If he already dates a mom having more kids is likely a low priority on her. So he isnt concerned about being "trapped" by her getting pregnant. 2. You may be coming off all wrong in the relationships. a common problem in dating by women from the perspective of men.....Men would rather hire her than date her. 3. Women are looking for Mr 110% who just does not exist. Thus they are hunting to a find a faul in them---not looking for the good things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 well it is you, and the type of men you attract. what type of vibe are you giving off? it might be minor adjustment. maybe you think men who actually want a relationship are boring? Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 When you know how to scratch a man in the right place you can land him no matter what's going on with you. All this nonsense in threads about how guys won't commit to single mothers is absurd. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 When you know how to scratch a man in the right place you can land him no matter what's going on with you. Exactly. It depends on what floats his boat and whether you can get him hooked. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Because men are stupid and think with their dicks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Because men are stupid and think with their dicks. Yes that's another way of putting it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 It's really about who they fall in love with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Because people love crazy these days. I had it once and I never want it again but it seems men and women these days don't want quality relationships. For the life of me I can't figure why some men I know put up with what they put up with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Because people love crazy these days. I had it once and I never want it again but it seems men and women these days don't want quality relationships. For the life of me I can't figure why some men I know put up with what they put up with. To be fair to them, most women don't shoot through the windows of their ex's house. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 To be fair to them, most women don't shoot through the windows of their ex's house. True but it still seems like constant drama. I never told him this but I once saw my old boss and his wife out somewhere and she wanted a new house after they just bought one about 2 years ago. They were driving and she saw one she liked. I overheard them at the food court of some mall and she literally starts crying and screaming like some 4 year old who didn't get their favorite. She caused a scene and he eventually bought her the new house and she is still not happy. She refuses to work because that is not what a princess should do and she has cheated on him occasions plus belittles him in public and he bends over backwards to make her happy and loves her. What is he getting out of this marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dante311 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'm speaking with a girl now who tells me she and all her girlfriends are beautiful (and trust me... they are!) ... and they're having the same problem. She's interested in me. I'm stuck in a downward spiral of a relationship. I can't give her what she wants yet. Re-evaluate who you seek intimacy with. There are great guys out there, like me. we're usually more shy. Watch revenge of the nerds. Aside from being smart and successful, we want to share the pleasure of a relationship. Not just the sex. Some of us are average.. some of us are ugly. Some of us are good looking. Find what works for you... but seriously look inside yourself and write down the qualities that you're attracted to. What you have been dating. and what you want. See if there are overlaps? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Maybe it's because the divorced mom with kids can cook, shows that she is a good mother, nurturing and men think she hasn't been sleeping around because she was married with kids. Also thrifty and good in the sack. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 This thread is kind of mind boggling. When I was divorced with 2 young kids, I had plenty of guys who wanted to date me and three who wanted to marry (one of whom I did marry). Since this is LS, I feel I need to clarify that this was 3 separate Rs, not that I was dating three guys at the same time. It comes to down to what the divorced mom or any woman has going for her -- I was stable, capable of love, financially self-supporting (I out-earned the guy I ended up marrying) and, most important, sane. Those were also the qualities I looked for in a partner and I didn't spend time with guys who didn't have the character traits I value. Bottom line: if you see someone you consider inferior "locking down" men when you can't, it may just be that you are valuing the wrong things. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) I read this and found myself thinking that this thread is the ALMOST EXACTLY the female version of the typical "Nice Guy" lament that we see **all the time** on LS: "Why do women go for the bad boy with all of his issues and pass up on a Nice Guy like myself??" The short answer I can give now is that it comes down to chemistry and sex appeal. Sex appeal/chemistry has little to do with how nice or how *ahem* level-headed you are or even how much money you make. It isn't even all about looks. (I know same answer we give to the lamenting Nice Guys on LS...) Edited April 10, 2014 by Imajerk17 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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