maestrok Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I am not sure how this thing exactly works. I guess the girl (which I am) should bring it up, right? If not, what is the general norm? Also when should this happen? We only started dating less than 2 weeks ago but saw each other almost everyday and actually started sleeping too. So I kinda assumed that means we are impliedly exclusive but then I realized he might think otherwise. So I was wondering if I should wait more to bring it up or should I just talk about it? (I know it may be a bit soon but wanted to establish exclusivity because he is going on a vacation soon and I don't want him to do things that might upset me while he is traveling, yknow...) Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 If you are already having sex, then it would not be inappropriate to have the 'exclusive' talk, if that is what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I don't know. I think you should wait. 2 weeks isn;t so long and guys get freaked out sometimes if you bring it up too soon. Maybe you should stop sleeping with him and if he asks why say that you are developing feelings for him and you only want to be intimate if you two are in an exclusive relationship so you want to wait. You might come across as clingy if you flat out ask. If you say what I suggested its more like a personal standard you are holding yourself to. Link to post Share on other sites
Stay Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 In my opinion it's a bit early. People have sex all the time and aren't exclusive so that alone can't be a reason to bring it up. Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Maybe you should stop sleeping with him and if he asks why say that you are developing feelings for him and you only want to be intimate if you two are in an exclusive relationship so you want to wait. I might agree with meeji on the parts I deleted (maybe not bringing it up, two weeks is kinda short, you might come across as clingy), but as to the part I left up there... Absolutely, do not, under any circumstances do that! That is the fastest way I can think of to lose any shred of respect (even if he started out having lots of respect for you). That is essentially telling him that you have no problem casually sleeping with guys you don't care about, but you want to hold out on guys you do care about (and who care about you). This has happened to me several times. I don't understand how women think this could possibly be a good thing. I basically find it disgusting and totally lose all respect for a woman who tells me that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mo_Do Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 LOL I love how everyone just naturally assumes the guy doesn't want a relationship and will be "scared away" if she says anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Guys who are really into you won't be phased after two weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
OhThatGirl Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 My personal position is always bringing up exclusivity *before* sex. It's not too late to have the conversation though. Only one time did I have the conversation afterwards. I simply said "when I'm sleeping with someone it's because that's the only person I'm seeing or sleeping with and I expect that to be mutual." And the response I got was "of course, I'm entirely on the same page." I would use that again. It wasn't really playing games or asking for exclusivity. It was more presenting my stance and letting it known I expect the same. He's got every right to say that's not how he operates and if that's the case, I know I need to stop sleeping with him. What do the guys think? If a girl says this would you feel compelled to say you agree and are on board whether it's the truth or not? Would you speak up of you weren't actually going to be exclusive? Link to post Share on other sites
Sunfire73 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 If you wanted to be exclusive, you should have waited for that before you had sex. Nothing wrong with bringing it up front, it's your body, and you want to be safe and get to know guys one at a time. Doesn't mean y'all are tied up to each other, but if there's a chance that a relationship can develop, then at least you gave it focus and attention. The same way if it doesn't work out. You can next each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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