Really frustrated with the dating process.

[brandon26003]

I am a 33 year old male, soon to be 34. I'm really getting frustrated with the entire dating process.

 

 

I met this girl in September of last year. Things went really well in the beginning. I would see her most weekends as she lives in the same town as my mother. There is some distance between us. She lives 90 minutes away.

 

 

When we would hang out, it would mostly be at her sons football games. We never had a date where it was just the two of us. Her kids were always there. Things were going well, as I thought, because she would say how much her son liked me. I started to develop feelings after about 2 months and really wanted to wait until we had an actual date with just the 2 of us. That never happened, so I told her one day we went bowling. She even said it back.

 

 

A month after I said it we had a conversation. She said she didn't think that I meant that I was in love with her. After this communication slowly started to get worse. I would go a few days without hearing from her and then went almost 2 weeks without hearing from her. She always had excuses for not hanging out. Whenever we would talk I felt like she was playing dumb. She would say that her text didn't send or that she was busy. I haven't seen her in over 3 months.

 

 

I'm frustrated because this is something I saw great potential with. I'm frustrated because she said that she was interested in me but her actions showed differently. Why would she continue to say she is interested and then go days without talking? She texted me for the first time in almost 2 weeks 4 days ago and I haven't responded. I'm ready to throw in the towel of ever finding true love.

[David87]

This one is long gone. Why haven't you asked her out? just the two of you? The love thing might have pushed her away a little. You have to understand that dating isn't her priority, her kids are.

 

Don't throw the towel just yet, have a little faith.

[brandon26003]

I have asked her out...it just never happened. Always had an excuse.

[soccerrprp]

She was fading (has) off. It's over.

[David87]

I have asked her out...it just never happened. Always had an excuse.

 

Well you already said that you haven't seen her in over 3 months. This ship has sailed. If she was interested in you she'd put a little more effort. Did you had sex or atleast kiss her?

[brandon26003]

We kissed, but never had sex. I wasn't concerned about sex. I've rushed into relationships before and made sure I didn't rush into this. I have a feeling that if I rushed into it we would have been in a brief relationship only for it to end when I expressed my feelings. I'm just glad that I had enough sense to do that because that would have sucked 10 times worse.

[David87]

We kissed, but never had sex. I wasn't concerned about sex. I've rushed into relationships before and made sure I didn't rush into this. I have a feeling that if I rushed into it we would have been in a brief relationship only for it to end when I expressed my feelings. I'm just glad that I had enough sense to do that because that would have sucked 10 times worse.

 

As soccerrprp said , she faded out. Who knows what were the reasons. Stop worrying about her, I know that you care but she isn't worth it. Start dating again.

[almond]

How unusual that she brings a strange man around her kids immediately after meeting him. She got to know her potential love interest at the same rate that her children did!

 

Seems pretty irresponsible and selfish to me...I wouldn't like to see that in a potential partner.

 

But ya, she's not interested. She's fading out. Let her be.

[GoreSP]

I am a 33 year old male, soon to be 34. I'm really getting frustrated with the entire dating process.

 

 

I met this girl in September of last year. Things went really well in the beginning. I would see her most weekends as she lives in the same town as my mother. There is some distance between us. She lives 90 minutes away.

 

 

When we would hang out, it would mostly be at her sons football games. We never had a date where it was just the two of us. Her kids were always there. Things were going well, as I thought, because she would say how much her son liked me. I started to develop feelings after about 2 months and really wanted to wait until we had an actual date with just the 2 of us. That never happened, so I told her one day we went bowling. She even said it back.

 

 

A month after I said it we had a conversation. She said she didn't think that I meant that I was in love with her. After this communication slowly started to get worse. I would go a few days without hearing from her and then went almost 2 weeks without hearing from her. She always had excuses for not hanging out. Whenever we would talk I felt like she was playing dumb. She would say that her text didn't send or that she was busy. I haven't seen her in over 3 months.

 

 

I'm frustrated because this is something I saw great potential with. I'm frustrated because she said that she was interested in me but her actions showed differently. Why would she continue to say she is interested and then go days without talking? She texted me for the first time in almost 2 weeks 4 days ago and I haven't responded. I'm ready to throw in the towel of ever finding true love.

 

Well I don't see how you can be frustrated with the 'dating process' because you never dated her.

You were hanging out with her in the friendzone and when you tried to get out of it, it turns out feelings weren't reciprocated...

 

High five for actually giving a shot at getting out of the friendzone instead of complaining you were stuck there.

Now dust yourself off and try again (maybe not wait too long next time?)

[RedRobin]

Good for you for not rushing things sexually.

 

 

Sounds like she doesn't have time to date.

 

 

Please know that most new relationships fizzle in this period of time... the get to know you phase. You'll have to do a better job screening them in the beginning. Asking about their lifestyle, interests, schedule, etc.

 

 

If you want a relationship, the first thing you do is screen out those who aren't looking for one or don't have time for one. That will make things a lot more pleasant for you... guaranteed.... that leaves you open to then discovering if they want one with YOU... which still has it's share of headaches, but at least you are half way there and not spinning your wheels with someone who you aren't even on the same playground with.

 

 

Don't be shy about asking those questions very early either.

[mummyjonno]

How unusual that she brings a strange man around her kids immediately after meeting him. She got to know her potential love interest at the same rate that her children did!

 

Seems pretty irresponsible and selfish to me...I wouldn't like to see that in a potential partner.

 

But ya, she's not interested. She's fading out. Let her be.

 

Yep I'm with this poster!!

 

Then again if I asked someone out and it didn't happen and the only time I saw them was in a muddy field watching a child that wasn't mine I'd be thinking wtf anyway.

 

Find someone who won't mess you are. If you wanted you she would have been banging your door down... Shame people can't say "hey I'm not interested"

 

Sorry honey

[joystickd]

At this point date someone with no kids. I myself don't believe in a friendzone in a sense. The thing is once it got to a point where you weren't gonna get a date you should have stepped away. It seemed like she just wanted a friendship and she should have been woman enough to say it.

[brandon26003]

Finding someone at my age that doesn't have kids would be like finding a needle in a haystack. I actually prefer to date women who have kids because they are normally more mature and are out of the partying phase.

 

 

I'm out of the phase of just trying to get laid. I want to find something with substance. Don't get me wrong...I love sex, but am trying to find something where the relationship is based on love and friendship first.

 

 

I've realized that she probably doesn't have time to date but I kept talking to her holding out hope. We've had several conversations and I made it known that I wasn't happy with the way things were. Every conversation she promised that it would get better and even promised that she really wanted to build on something with me. 3 weeks ago I was frustrated as I didn't hear from her for almost 2 weeks. I told her I was no longer going to wait on her which I didn't. I'm just pissed that she couldn't just tell me that nothing was going to come of it. I've gone out with a few women, but nothing came of it. I told myself that if I went more than a few days without hearing from her again that I was done. It happened again so I am done. I didn't respond to the text she sent me a few days ago and deleted her from facebook. Full NC is the only thing to do now. The ball is in her court now. If she wants something with me, she is going to have to make the effort. If not, her problem.

Edited March 24, 2014 by brandon26003

[RedRobin]

You are doing what every smart person does when they are getting to know someone.

 

 

You are looking for words to align with actions... and when they don't, then you end things.

Very few of the dates I have these days lead to anything.

 

 

Mostly due to the fact that people have so many options these days (casual/FWB/LTR) that it can be tough to sort out what people really are looking for... then there is just basic compatibility.

 

What you have in your favor, big time, is that you know what you are looking for. Things can only get better for you going forward.

[Mo_Do]

Finding someone at my age that doesn't have kids would be like finding a needle in a haystack. I actually prefer to date women who have kids because they are normally more mature and are out of the partying phase.

 

 

I'm out of the phase of just trying to get laid. I want to find something with substance. Don't get me wrong...I love sex, but am trying to find something where the relationship is based on love and friendship first.

 

 

I've realized that she probably doesn't have time to date but I kept talking to her holding out hope. We've had several conversations and I made it known that I wasn't happy with the way things were. Every conversation she promised that it would get better and even promised that she really wanted to build on something with me. 3 weeks ago I was frustrated as I didn't hear from her for almost 2 weeks. I told her I was no longer going to wait on her which I didn't. I'm just pissed that she couldn't just tell me that nothing was going to come of it. I've gone out with a few women, but nothing came of it. I told myself that if I went more than a few days without hearing from her again that I was done. It happened again so I am done. I didn't respond to the text she sent me a few days ago and deleted her from facebook. Full NC is the only thing to do now. The ball is in her court now. If she wants something with me, she is going to have to make the effort. If not, her problem.

 

I am 33 and go on dates with new girls every week, none have had any kids - and I am open to ones that do! (kinda)

 

My advice to you is aim a little older, 35-40 and you'll find exactly what you're looking for. Those ones are mature and eager to get their claws into a guy that wants something long term that is stable.

[Iguanna]

I have to ask, were you paying in all of these "dates" where her kid was with you? Did she maybe want some free meals?

[ElPayaso]

Smh. When will you guys learn? A woman that is interested in you WILL NOT confuse you. This woman is not interested in you and is only keeping you around as an emotional boy toy. Stop wasting your time here and nibbling at whatever crumbs of hope she throws your way. This one is done and dusted.