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Refers to you as his " friend" but treats you like a girlfriend...what is this?


enchanted771

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enchanted771

I don't know if he is just insecure, or only thinks of me as a friend, but I need to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

 

 

We have been out probably 7 times together. Movies, dinner, lunch, etc. Last week when I saw him, at first he called me his friend, and we chatted for a few min. Then, as the evening progressed, he invites me to go on vacation with him, to Europe no less...I probably cant go because of work. Then, he asked me if I would like to do stuff together like go to dinner, away for the weekend, etc. I said yes. Then, he asks me if I would be interested in seeing eachother more often. I would think if you only had platonic feelings, that you wouldn't ask this. I know that my male friends I only think of as friends and nothing more, I only want to hang out maybe once in a blue moon...and if I can, a group setting. (One likes me and I don't)

 

 

Also, I would say a month ago, he also asked if I want to see him more often, I said yes. Then we spent a weekend together.....

 

 

There was an issue about how I am not very open. I don't tell him how I feel and I don't tell him what I like about him. The other night I went out on a limb and did...of course I was embarrassed after. But then he tells me all I need to do is talk to him, after I said I just get nervous.

 

 

Then he asks me twice during the week if I am still going to meet up with my family. I said yes. I don't know if he wanted me to invite him to come along or what...because I told him a while back that I have family coming from another country.

 

 

We have been talking every day..sometimes he initiates and sometimes I do. But then he tells me things like he misses me, etc. We last talked on Friday. Saturday when I was out, I texted him and he asked if I could send him pictures. I said yes in a few minutes when we get to our destination. So, I send him a couple pictures no response. Then I got home late and texted him and I got no response. Should I be mad?

 

 

I don't want to appear clingy, needy or as if I am trying to push him into a relationship, but do I need to have a talk with him and ask him if he likes me as more than a friend? or is that a given? I know I am not his girlfriend, but it bothers me how he refers to me as his friend. At the very least I should be refered to as someone he is dating. Also I noticed how he got jealous the last week in person and text. And when I went out with my friends, he texted me the next day early afternoon.

 

 

Advice please...don't want to do anything stupid, and right now my mind is racing 1,000 miles a minute and dying to say something to him.

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This would be solved by having a conversation with him on where you both stand in this relationship.

 

Where do you want this to be? You feel you should be bf-gf at this point then tell him so.

 

A man that sees you as more then a friend will hurry to get you off the market and make you his only.

 

And remember, even if a man acts like he's all lovey dovey with you, doesn't mean he sees you as a romantic prospect.

 

Don't assume anything.

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enchanted771

I am not expecting him to be my boyfriend yet. I need some more time to get to know him. The issue here is, if he only sees me as a friend or more. Because I don't see him as just a friend...the lovey dovey part I know. Its the part about initiating to see me more often and go on dates. At the very least I want to be referred to as someone he is dating....

 

 

I think its better to know anyways, even if it means I never talk to him again, at least I will know. Going to talk to him this afternoon.

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Labels freak some people out. If his actions are honorable don't get so hung up on the words for now.

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If you sees this man as more than a friend then I would go on a trip to Europe with him. See, if you give him everything on a silver platter with no relationship label then why would he hurry to put a label on it? You offer him companionship, sex, follow him in his adventures and all this as *friends with benefits*.

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enchanted771

Your right....If he cant at least refer to me as someone he is dating, instead of "a friend" then I am not going to invest anymore. I am just going to tell him how I feel, and if he disappears then oh well. Better to keep seeing someone who has no feelings for you and your on different pages.

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Your right....If he cant at least refer to me as someone he is dating, instead of "a friend" then I am not going to invest anymore. I am just going to tell him how I feel, and if he disappears then oh well. Better to keep seeing someone who has no feelings for you and your on different pages.

 

 

You are going to dump him over a word choice?

 

 

I'd rather have a man who treats me well & mislabels it then one who treats me like dirt but calls me his GF.

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I'd rather have a man who treats me well & mislabels it then one who treats me like dirt but calls me his GF.
and then this man you've invested all your feelings and time in, the one that treats you well with no label, will drop you like a hot potato and says *I never said we were more than friends*....
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and then this man you've invested all your feelings and time in, the one that treats you well with no label, will drop you like a hot potato and says *I never said we were more than friends*....

 

 

I didn't say I'd let it go on forever. I also wouldn't invest until everything was clear & we were on the same page with no mislabeling

 

 

But after 7 dates I don't think I'd drop somebody over a vocabulary choice. Again, my heart would be a bit guarded. I do think they ought to talk but it's too early to push.

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enchanted771

I never said I want him to call me his girlfriend after 7 dates. He is the one asking me to express myself to him and wants to know how I feel and all this. So, that is what I am going to do. I am only telling him I like him as more than a friend. If I am not someone he wants to date, I have a right to know. Trust me, he knows by now if I am someone he wants to date or he just wants to keep up this charade so that he can just keep calling me his friend. Please.

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Then this isn't so much about the word choice, it's about you not feeling valued & important to him. That's valid. You have the right to know where you stand but the post initially read like you were hung up on the verbiage.

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enchanted771

It is partly that. It is more about how I hear him refer to me as his friend, yet we are doing all these couple type things together. I mean, at the very least refer to me as someone you are dating. Friend isn't giving me much hope, and why waste time on someone who just thinks of you as a friend?

 

 

He wants to spend weekends with me, get together more and go out to dinner, etc but what someone he thinks of as a friend.

 

 

Basically if I am not someone he can see himself dating, then its a waste.

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enchanted771

Were going to talk in a few minutes. It sucks, because I already know what he will say, but I am not going to waste my time on someone who only thinks of me as a friend. What is the point in investing time and energy seeing him, and feel like were getting closer everytime when in his head I am a friend. Because any guy that is into you, would call you, and ask you out. Yeah saying you want to see eachother more and then asking me to actually have dinner or something are two separate things, so I am not going to bother contacting him again.

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