Lunch and a movie, ends awkwardly

[Bantosm]

I've known this girl for about three years. We have been semi friends at best. I have been attracted to her for awhile but she's always dating someone. I always joke with her by asking when she was going to give me a chance. She started to date a guy who I consider to be a jerk. With the idea the relationship wouldn't I set plans, to date this girl. My timing was perfect. I hadn't talked to her for a few weeks and then she said she had be broken up for a week and was bored.

 

I said that her and I should do something and she agreed. We go for lunch and then talk for two hours. She said that she was surprised on how well we were kicking it. I said that I was trying to convince you to go out with me for awhile, but you wouldn't hear anything of it, you had to go and date some jerk. Her eyes got glassy and wide. I probably should have kissed her but I didn't think she would react that way. We talked some more and then decided to go to a movie. I think she wanted me to hold her hand towards the second half of the movie but hate to risk trying to hold hands on a first date. I like holding hands but if they date pulls away it is super awkward. I seem to be either too early or too late when it comes deciding when to make the decision to hold hands. Anyhow after the date, she doesn't say a word. I haven't heard anything from her yet. I'm a bit chicken to call, thinking some more time maybe I'll be up to. Any ideas of what went bad?

[pteromom]

Quit being chicken!

 

The only thing that went wrong is that you didn't show her that you like her, and you are still doing it by not calling her.

 

Call her, or she will soon transition from "hoping he'll call" to "that a**hole never called me!". Once that transition happens, you will probably not be able to recover it.

 

It's possible she won't be into seeing you again. But if you don't call her, there's a 100% chance of failure.

[Assasda]

I've known this girl for about three years. We have been semi friends at best. I have been attracted to her for awhile but she's always dating someone. I always joke with her by asking when she was going to give me a chance. She started to date a guy who I consider to be a jerk. With the idea the relationship wouldn't I set plans, to date this girl. My timing was perfect. I hadn't talked to her for a few weeks and then she said she had be broken up for a week and was bored.

 

I said that her and I should do something and she agreed. We go for lunch and then talk for two hours. She said that she was surprised on how well we were kicking it. I said that I was trying to convince you to go out with me for awhile, but you wouldn't hear anything of it, you had to go and date some jerk. Her eyes got glassy and wide. I probably should have kissed her but I didn't think she would react that way. We talked some more and then decided to go to a movie. I think she wanted me to hold her hand towards the second half of the movie but hate to risk trying to hold hands on a first date. I like holding hands but if they date pulls away it is super awkward. I seem to be either too early or too late when it comes deciding when to make the decision to hold hands. Anyhow after the date, she doesn't say a word. I haven't heard anything from her yet. I'm a bit chicken to call, thinking some more time maybe I'll be up to. Any ideas of what went bad?

 

I dont think that she's into you man. I think its just about over.

It started when you mentioned that guy on that date. That hie eyed glassy look in her eyes was the look of terror, not romance.

 

You already put her on the pedestal, so youre old news to her. I dont think you can get with her romantically now.

 

Move on

[Gaeta]

I said that I was trying to convince you to go out with me for awhile, but you wouldn't hear anything of it, you had to go and date some jerk. Her eyes got glassy and wide.

And why did you feel the need to say something like that? You criticized her choice of men in a negative way, and you called a man *jerk* she probably had strong feelings for.

 

Eyes glassy and wide = You hurt her feelings.

[Stay]

In my opinion it's an ugly trait you showed by putting the other guy down as a "jerk" even if he is, I wouldn't mention anything of it until she does. You had her impressed by surprising her with how much fun she was having and should've kept it like that by not talking about other issues. As for kissing on first date, if it feels right just do it. There's nothing wrong with it if people really enjoyed the date.

[slizl]

Typical captain save a ho move. Never speak poorly about your competition, ever. And if you want to be thought of as more than a friend, hold the girl's hand for christ sake.

[KungFuJoe]

3 years and you keep dropping awkward, "hey why won't you date me" hints at a friend? That's a major no no. You either go for it, or you don't. None of this half ass, passive aggressive attitude...that won't get you anything in life.

 

It's pretty obvious she's not into you like that and from the way she's avoiding you, and how you put down someone she was seeing, probably doesn't even want you as a friend anymore.

[deathandtaxes]

I don't think this is salvageable. You hurt her feelings big time when you said she had to go and date a jerk. You basically trashed her mate-picking skills. Who the heck wants to hear that? Party foul!!!

[MidwestUSA]

The only thing you could have done worse was go ahead and kiss her when her eyes went glassy! I cringed just reading what you said.

 

Better luck next time, with another girl.

[Bantosm]

There's is no way that I hurt her feelings by saying he was a jerk because she was more open from that point on. If she was hurt or upset it would make no sense to watch a movie with me after we already talked for a while. I'll try and call her tomorrow.

[Assasda]

There's is no way that I hurt her feelings by saying he was a jerk because she was more open from that point on. If she was hurt or upset it would make no sense to watch a movie with me after we already talked for a while. I'll try and call her tomorrow.

 

hahaha please come back and tell how it goes

[Michael91]

In my opinion it's an ugly trait you showed by putting the other guy down as a "jerk" even if he is.

I certainly agree with that.

 

And, it is okay to be a perfect gentleman on the first date without kissing or holding hands even though holding hands would be fine to. However, after the second date, you want to be less of a gentleman and kiss her or likely, unless she is especially timid and inexperienced, she will cull your a$$ out.

 

Although you may have blown it by calling the guy a jerk, I agree with others that you should call or contact her and ask her out so she knows you are still interested.

[movingbackwards]

Well, here's what I would do. For one you should have showed a lot of interest the first date. Then I wouldn't call her or text her honestly and let her come to you. If she doesn't after some time, go for it. Show you have value. However, in this case, I would try and have some type of playful communication. Go see her again, make your moves. Do NOT be afraid of rejection. Women love confidence and going after what you want. I know most women hate this, and probably despise my opinion here, but assert your dominance with her after you've clicked...and by this I mean just don't show her you're so desperate. Just be cool and let her come around. If she wants to she will...

[Bantosm]

I called her at lunch and it turns out she was just very tired and a dark theater didn't help the situation. We set up another date for Saturday, but this time it's going to be a double date. I never been on a double date. I'm already feeling nervous. In the meantime I'm reading about dating tips because I haven't been on many dates, don't want to make another potential mistake.

[Hello_is_it_me]

Sweet deal. Double dates are awesome. Takes a bit of pressure off you in the way that you don't always have to be "lead-entertainer." And I've always found it easier to be funnier (attractive trait) in groups too. I dunno about the whole looking up dating tips and stuff. Just be yourself. It's gotten you this far

Edited March 12, 2014 by Hello_is_it_me

[pteromom]

I called her at lunch and it turns out she was just very tired and a dark theater didn't help the situation. We set up another date for Saturday, but this time it's going to be a double date. I never been on a double date. I'm already feeling nervous. In the meantime I'm reading about dating tips because I haven't been on many dates, don't want to make another potential mistake.

 

You don't need a lot of tips. Don't edit yourself to the point where you are no longer you.

 

Just smile, listen, show interest in what she's saying, and be kind (opening doors, etc.)

 

And HOLD HER HAND!

 

If you want to subtly test out whether she wants physical contact, simply move into her personal space. We all have a "bubble" of 2-3 feet of personal space around us, and if someone enters that space and we don't want them there, it is natural to move so that space is there again. If you move into her personal space and she backs away or closes herself off (crossed arms, turning away from you, standing/sitting in a protective position), she likely doesn't want physical contact.

 

If she leans in, smiles, touches you, etc., she wants you there, and you could put your arm around her shoulder, hold her hand, etc.

[Stay]

I called her at lunch and it turns out she was just very tired and a dark theater didn't help the situation. We set up another date for Saturday, but this time it's going to be a double date. I never been on a double date. I'm already feeling nervous. In the meantime I'm reading about dating tips because I haven't been on many dates, don't want to make another potential mistake.

 

Good, what you need to know is as long as you don't say or do anything stupid you did your best. Just be yourself and not some guy you think she wants. You want her for herself and she'll want you for yourself also. So just sit back and enjoy and shine through and show your personality. Double dates are easier in my opinion as you can talk to the guy and joke about things easier.

 

As for knowing when to hold hands or kiss, just read how she's reacting on the date. Girls tend to slap your arm if you say something funny that teases them. Just test things out and read how she reacts to your touching or playfulness and go from there. If she doesn't touch you the whole night and you don't touch her at all either, going for a kiss or something that risky isn't the best bet. A first touch shouldn't be a kiss or anything extreme.