Cupcake Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 I just met this guy. We have been dating for almost three months. We live alomost 50 miles apart. So we only see each other on the weekends. We've had several arguments where he broke up with me, and I just talked him back into being with me. I seem to be spending a lot of money on him. I've bought him some expensive things like a wallet, shades, clothing, and clothing. I also pay for dinner most of the times we go out. Last Sunday, he asked me to marry him, but he didn't give me a ring because he can't afford one. Right now, he is trying to get a new car. We also want to move in together within a few months because he has roomates and I still live with my parents. So I have agreed to pay his cell phone bill (I transfered the account into my name) to help him save money to get his new car and get us an apartment. The reason we want to get married is that it's against my religion for us to live together without being married. And he said I am the woman of his dreams. My question is, did I make the right decision by buying him so much stuff and now paying his cell phone bill? I mean, we still live in separate places. Is this man taking advantage of me? Or is it normal for a woman to take care of her man this way? My income is like $25K a year and his income is $55K. So he makes more money than me. He's also older than me. I'm 22 and he's 29. Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Uh, no, yes, no! Get the he!! away from this man, run, fast, -like!! Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 i've supported a few guys when i was younger but not anymore. now i only date guys who have alot of money. i will only date guys who intouch with there responsible side. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted August 27, 2004 Author Share Posted August 27, 2004 Am I really supporting him since he makes more money than me? Certainly he can do more for me financially. But he wants to buy a new car. And we both want to live together very soon. We could live together sooner if he didn't get the car. But the car is the most important thing right now. I'm not sure if he's just testing me to see if I am only with him for his money. I thought by helping him out, I would prove that I love him, not his money. Link to post Share on other sites
Technique-UK Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Hunni, Love is a two way thing, it's not about being taken advantage of. I think that if it's questionable in your mind at this time, then it is troubling you. You sound like a very generous caring girl, but I'd be worried if this guy allows you to keep spoiling him in these ways, in particularly, taking care of his bill. I can see this leading to complications the further ahead you go with your relationship, because it gets messy once you are living together and still have these financial strains. All I would say is, heed the warning signs now and don't feel bad if you need to confront him about it. If it troubles you now, and he knows nothing of it, it could turn quite nasty in years to come. This isn't to say you don't love him very much, but you really need to feel that you are being treated with respect and nothing else. Good luck, darling. Craig. [font=arial][/font] Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Honey wow.. He's 29 and he had a 22 year old that he only sees on the weekends who buys him everything and pays his phone bill with the illusion that you will live together one day. Girl please. get rid of him his taking advantage of you. You guy broke up 3 times and you talked him into getting back with you and he noticed that and is so taking advantage of that now. Leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
manofmystrey Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 hey cupcake. I hope u get used to supporting this guy cause the way things are going that is what u are going to be doing for a long time. At 55k a year he is asaving for a car what is trying to get a Lexus or a BMW. This dude is going to take u for everything u have and then one day he is going to give u a cold reality check and he will leave u when he finds someone else to support him. No man who is 29 should be living off his girlfriend who 22 and making half the money he is. If he is saving for a car why does he need new clothes and new shades and all the other things. He asked u to marry him but no ring let me guess u will buy that as well or he is going to save for 10 years and then give it to u. This guy is taking for a ride and u are going along with it. What has he got u? I mean the guy cant even spend 100 dollars and buy u a ring to ask u to marry him. I dont mean to be harsh or rude or mean. Is he ur first boyfriend? You can do so much better. This guy thinks it more important to have a car then his own place and get married he is pretty childish. Who will pay for ur wedding? I hate to tell ya this guy is a user. There is no two ways about it. If you are questioning it now, u will tomarrow as well. Also this guy cant pay a cell phone? What is the cost 70 a month and u cant sit and possiblly think he is running to the bank to put that 70 in his car fund. My advice stop giving him money and stop paying his bills and see if he stays with u. Cause I am sure he will find an excuse why he cant be with u. Link to post Share on other sites
joel Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 when u guys went out -dinner, movie.. who paid -b/c i'm a guy and i wish i had a gal like u. QUOTE]Originally posted by Cupcake I just met this guy. We have been dating for almost three months. We live alomost 50 miles apart. So we only see each other on the weekends. We've had several arguments where he broke up with me, and I just talked him back into being with me. I seem to be spending a lot of money on him. I've bought him some expensive things like a wallet, shades, clothing, and clothing. I also pay for dinner most of the times we go out. Last Sunday, he asked me to marry him, but he didn't give me a ring because he can't afford one. Right now, he is trying to get a new car. We also want to move in together within a few months because he has roomates and I still live with my parents. So I have agreed to pay his cell phone bill (I transfered the account into my name) to help him save money to get his new car and get us an apartment. The reason we want to get married is that it's against my religion for us to live together without being married. And he said I am the woman of his dreams. My question is, did I make the right decision by buying him so much stuff and now paying his cell phone bill? I mean, we still live in separate places. Is this man taking advantage of me? Or is it normal for a woman to take care of her man this way? My income is like $25K a year and his income is $55K. So he makes more money than me. He's also older than me. I'm 22 and he's 29. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 you know i fogot to ask you, did you ever go to the town where he lives or to where he works? Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Originally posted by kellydontwanttasleep i've supported a few guys when i was younger but not anymore. now i only date guys who have alot of money. i will only date guys who intouch with there responsible side. So, you only date guys with a lot of money. That is an advertisement for a troublesome woman if ever I saw one. Quite shallow, too, if you mean that quite literally. If you mean that you only date men who can manage on their own, then yes I can agree perfectly with that. What you have said can be interpreted in two ways. I just hope you chose the wrong wording. As for the author of this post: I think you are being taken advantage of. One can purchase a decent and highly reliable, used vehicle for under $4,000.00. Unless he plans on getting something brand new, he has no excuse for not knowing how to budget his money. If he needs a cellular phone, he ought to be able to pay for it himself. With the both of your incomes combined, I wouldn't think it should be too difficult to find a small apartment to rent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 The first time we hooked up, I drove to his place. At first, it was only supposed to be a F**k Buddy situation. But then I realized that I wanted more. So we kept talking on the phone and getting to know each other. Then one day he told me that he wanted more too. I don't like driving that far to see him. So I did think about just calling things off because of the distance. But when I tried to break up with him, he agreed to drive to see me, every weekend. And since I still live with my family, we have to stay in a hotel every weekend during his visits. He pays for the hotel, which is like $120 a week. Plus his travel expenses. When we have dinner or see a movie, I pay for that. He told me it all balances out. But he started complaining about not being able to call me as often as he'd like, since he was saving money on his cell phone bill. He stopped calling, and I got worried. So I agreed to pay it for him, so that we can keep communicating like normal. All of my friends think that it's naive of me. But I just love him soo much. I don't want to lose him. And he's not the first boyfriend I've ever had. I don't know what to think of everything.... Link to post Share on other sites
Christie_in_LA Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 He's using you. Flat out. Not only are you a hot, young thing, but you also pay for his cellie bill? C'mon! He makes 55 Grand a year! He makes double what you make, plus some! Why would you pay for his cell phone bill???? Hon, don't get caught up. He's a user. He may be charasmatic, and able to pull you to him with his sweet words of promise, but trust me, he'll get you sooner or later. Then, you'll get jaded like me! Ha ha. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. So, get out while you still have some pride left! Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 He is blaming his financial situation on wanting a new car? I'D LIKE TO QUIT MY JOB AND TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD, but I can't afford it....Part of being a mature person (a 29 year old should be) is not buying things you can't afford and having priorities...Getting a new car is obviously more important than getting you a ring and no MAN would ever let a woman he is dating pay his cell bill so HE CAN GET A CAR:?! LOSER ALERT....run for the hills...and let him find another sugar mamma.... Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 A. he must be a pretty good "F*&k" buddy for it to happen that you pay for so much so soon B. Money is not everything, BUT - this guy isn't ready or responsible enough to get married. Believe me, it is a HUGE warning sign. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Oh, girl, what are you thinking? Three months is WAY too soon to be talking about marriage. The guys who want to rush you to the altar are the ones that know that if you get to know them real well, you'll find out what snakes they really are!!! And he said I am the woman of his dreams. Yeah, no kidding. You'll foot the bill for him so he can buy himself a toy. Plus, he dumps you but you go crawling back like a beaten puppy. since he was saving money on his cell phone bill Right. You're not worth it to him to spend money on phone calls to you! Wake up and smell the con artist, kiddo. This man is bad BAD news. Please forget marrying him. PLEASE. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Faux i have my own money and plenty of it and i'm not interested in a fortune hunter. i have D&B Reports on any guy i date. sorry Faux D&B means Dunn and Bradstreet and Cupcake just please be careful, if it was me i would let it go. remember you can just as easly date a nice guy that has money as one that is broke Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 one more note, a ring I think is probably more than just a sign that a potential husband is capable (or responsible enough) OR interested inough to do his share and take care of a family - although those are important indicators. A ring, and the care and effort it takes to save for one and pick one out, is sort of a symbolic gesture saying that a guy REALLY REALLY cares for you, and often the first of hopefully many sacrafices that he'll make to put you first and to put effort into the relationship. Relationships take much more care and upkeep than a car - and a good husband would probably think of your needs before he thinks of his own. Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 But then again I want to marry kelly so I can not have to work and because she's hot. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 wow where to start here this one is a winner! Cupcake, you can't be for real here. If I was this man I be using you as well because you are asking for it. You are buying his love . That is not healthy. Have you ever heard of codependency? You may want to explore this. This is a relationship in big trouble and he is probably going to dump you when he had enough. Please don't lower yourself so much for this man or any man for that matter. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 I agree. His using you. The same thing happened to me. Well something similar. I didn't live with the guy. He was a Brickie's Labourer. They get a fair bit of money down where I am from. Almost $1000 a week! Still he was always borrowing money from me. Guess it was because of his drug habbit. Smoked a fair bit of 'stuff.' . It makes me glad I never touch the 'stuff.' Your situation might be different but I am so glad to have a new boyfriend now who has never borrowed or needed money off me and that evenly shouts dinners and drinks with me. Totally different to my Ex. That's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
rogueless Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 He makes 55K a year, lives with roommates and doesn't have a car and can't afford an engagement ring??? He's either lying about his income or incredibly irresponsible. I would RUN from this situation. Of course you are his dream girl. Anyone this irresponsible with money would dream of the woman who would support them, which is what you will probably end up doing. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Originally posted by havNfun But then again I want to marry kelly so I can not have to work and because she's hot. LOL thanks ........i think........ Link to post Share on other sites
Notorious Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 55k a year in North Carolina is probably like making 100k here. Why the hell are you paying for ANYTHING? You should get away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted September 6, 2004 Author Share Posted September 6, 2004 But let me just be clear on a few things. He does have a car. It's just a very old one that has a few maintenance problems from time to time. He's had it for like four years. I have a nicer car than him. But I think I am more financially stable than him too. So I've been trying to give him advice on how to save more money. I am the one who wants to get married, since it is against my religion to live with a man without being married. And he really wants us to live together so that we don't have to travel so much and spend so much money to be together. I basicly asked him to marry me. And he said yes. I'm a very aggressive woman who goes for whatever I want. That's one of the things my boyfriend loves about me. He said that none of his other girlfriends were like that. His ex-girlfriend dumped him because she thought he was cheating on her. Now she is trying to be friends with him. He told me that he doesn't want anything to do with her because she broke his heart by dumping him. I don't want to break his heart like she did. I basicly agreed to pay the cell phone bill because I want to make sure that he isn't cheating on me. So far, it doesn't seem like he is. And every other boyfriend I had always cheated on me. I always bought them things too. But they still cheated on me. That's what makes this all so confusing to me. I don't really mind being used, financially, as long as he loves me and is faithful to me. I just wanted to know what everyone else thinks....if he really is taking advantage of me. Like, what are the chances of him really wanting to spend the rest of his life with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Notorious Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Originally posted by Cupcake But let me just be clear on a few things. He does have a car. It's just a very old one that has a few maintenance problems from time to time. He's had it for like four years. I have a nicer car than him. But I think I am more financially stable than him too. So I've been trying to give him advice on how to save more money. I am the one who wants to get married, since it is against my religion to live with a man without being married. And he really wants us to live together so that we don't have to travel so much and spend so much money to be together. I basicly asked him to marry me. And he said yes. I'm a very aggressive woman who goes for whatever I want. That's one of the things my boyfriend loves about me. He said that none of his other girlfriends were like that. His ex-girlfriend dumped him because she thought he was cheating on her. Now she is trying to be friends with him. He told me that he doesn't want anything to do with her because she broke his heart by dumping him. I don't want to break his heart like she did. I basicly agreed to pay the cell phone bill because I want to make sure that he isn't cheating on me. So far, it doesn't seem like he is. And every other boyfriend I had always cheated on me. I always bought them things too. But they still cheated on me. That's what makes this all so confusing to me. I don't really mind being used, financially, as long as he loves me and is faithful to me. I just wanted to know what everyone else thinks....if he really is taking advantage of me. Like, what are the chances of him really wanting to spend the rest of his life with me? I don't want to be cruel here...but the chances are zero. You don't mind being used? I do. He is taking advantage of you. I know you are in love and it's hard to see when you're being mistreated when you're in love, but come on. Don't be a doormat. You deserve better than that. Open your eyes and look around. Link to post Share on other sites
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