CurlyIam Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 I guess I shouldn't complain, really, as I just spent one incredible week with my bf. He came over to visit me in my country, even if I told him I had this horrible exam in September - he said he couldn't wait another month away from me. Things went very well, he met my parents, my sister, my dog, some of my friends, so I guess it did go suprisingly well considering my situation. As he returned home, he found 3 messeges from his ex, sent to him in three days. May I add that on the eve of his coming him she's been messaging him to find her a puppy of Golden Retriever. And before that she's been messaging again telling my bf what a perfect vacation she had with her current bf. She is the big ex in his life and they have ended almost an year and a half of relationship 2 years ago. It's not that this is bothering me, but I'd much rather she'd call, they'd have lunch and stay friends. I am very civil about this and I do think it is important to stay friends with people whom we've dated. I mean when I did return home I saw my ex (we broke off 7 months ago over the phone when I was in France). I was with my ex for 4 and a half years and he was a ver important person in my life. He was my best friend and he does know me very well. But it is over and I had the courage to confront this situation and my feelings. I must add that I do trust him a lot and it's been him that has been talling me about this situation. He told me that he chose to ignore her in order to avoid an embarassing situation. I told him I respected his decision. This was more than one month ago. Yet she used the Golden Retriever subject to communicae with him again - am I suprising you if I tell you that in the end she chaned her mind about the dog? So today he confirmed me about her doing the same thing again while he was visiting me. I told him the truth, that this situation is bothering me. If she would call him, I swear I woldn'f be this bugged. I get the sensation she just won't leave him alone. My bf told me how hard it was for him to let go and move on... At some point he changed his mobile phone number because he found it was too easy to be keeping intouch with her. So anyway, he said he'd tell her to leave him alone, as I told him that this whole situation made me feel uncomfortable. I said no, don't do this. Just call her, have lunch like two adults do, discuss over this and see if you can stay friends. Maybe it's silly of me to do this, and I should hate her guts, but she was very important to him and I do think he still is vulnerable to her. I also think that doing nothing makes him stuck in a situation where she's in controll. I'm sure she'll chicken out as the messages are quite inofensive, something like" hi, what's new" or "what have you been doing lately"... I just don't find it all that amusing at 10:30 in the morning or at 11 o'clock at night ! Any sugestions? Comments? I would like some feed back... Thanks, Curly Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Dear Curly. Help him find the goddamn dog, so he can get it over with. Best Regards, Papillon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CurlyIam Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 I have to add that my bf said: "I'll see about that later" at my suggestion of them having lunch. I think I was hoping to say "No way, I won't do it", but in the end, all I want is for this situation to have a closure. Whatever that may be. And if he's afraid to confront her, well, then we have a problem. But we are together for more than 6 months and I do want exclusivity in all senses of the words, especially emotionally. Sometimes I think I am blowing things out of proportion.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CurlyIam Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 Well,he did go to the person who gave him the dog, talk about it etc etc and... well, she thought it was too expensive. That was one day before he came here. And when he got home, there where 3 more messages waiting... It does sound worse now that I say it out loud... hum.... Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Hi Curly, I'm sorry your happy visit was dampend by the ghost of this ex. Have your bf provide her w/this site http://www.dog-breeders.biz/puppies_for_sale_directory.cfm?BR=+Golden+Retriever+&se=DogBreeder most of these breeders are here in the States but it can give her a clear idea of the going price for GR puppies (a very expensive breed) This will show her that there is nothing your BF can do to get a cheaper price- it's not the breeder he found- it's the breed she chose that costs so much. Next- ask your BF if he would be more comfortable meeting her in a group setting- have him invite her AND her new BF to meet the 2 of you when you return to Paris. This way she can see how happy you are together and (hopefully) she will feel a bit silly trying to interupt your current relationship if that is indeed her motive. It will also be healing for your BF to see the person she has moved on with. Perhaps after this meeting he will be more comfortable meeting her alone for a "closure" session as you first recommended. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CurlyIam Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Thanks for the link, Faye ! And may I say I love the Twain motto ! Link to post Share on other sites
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